Hilarious post. I fall into the second category, though I was a *NIX admin some years ago. It's fun to mess around with Linux, and your points are well-made. Sadly, running Ceton InfiniTV 4s for TV viewing, esp. copy-protected channels, requires Windows Media Center. I just did some research about running the Cetons on Linux, and while it will work for most things, it won't for those channels:
"Linux does not support the copy protection that may be assigned to channels by a cable operator. Channels which are Copy Freely (CCI 0x00) will be viewable under Linux. Channels that are flagged Copy Once (CCI 0x02), Copy No More (CCI 0x01) or Copy Never (CCI 0x03) will not be viewable under Linux. Some cable operators, such as Verizon FiOS and Comcast mark most channels Copy Freely."
http://www.mythtv.org/wiki/Ceton_InfiniTV_4#Copy_Protection
As a Cramcast customer, I can attest to the fact that almost everything is Copy-Free. That makes it easy to record something on one of three PCs (I'm sharing a couple tuners over a 5 GHz wireless network; works like a champ) and copy it to any other PC to watch it.
So while I'd love to convert the PC in the Lab to Linux, assuming it could still access the shared tuners, I'm tethered to WMC. There are ways to exact revenge, but I can say no more
Regardless, I'm enjoying the listening experience via my Stack O' Schiit