[mosshorn]

So, I've been released from the mental institution. I tricked them that I was feeling well. I'm not. I just couldn't stand living there anymore, being imprisoned just because you're sick, that in itself is sick. But they're going to screen me for borderline personality disorder as well.

However, I feel the need to say goodbye to y'all. You've been good friends to me, and with literal tears in my eyes (because I've been crying all morning) I wish you all the ******* best my friends. At the institution, I met a girl. She was 20 but looked like 12. She was autistic, and so badly effected by it that she is never going to be alright. She was at a point of autism that you could call her dumb. She was a beautiful little person. Beautiful, once you knew her. Every day, she fought the personnel, yelling that she had the right to die and that they should release her so she could die. I talked a lot to her. I kind of took her under my wings, despite knowing that her illness is greatly trumping mine, and tried to show her that life is worth living just one more day. She shouldn't think suicide is the answer. Leave that to people like me. She's just 20, and has everything in front of her. She has all the movies, all the music, and god - think of all the boyfriends she will have. I remember telling her "The world would lose something very beautiful if you died now". I asked her once what her favorite snacks were, and what her favorite movies were, and then bought it just to put on a movie for her in the TV room. We had a great time. We repeated it to the day that she asked me the same question and did the same for me. We actually have each other on facebook now.

There was this other girl who was there because she had barricaded and isolated herself a lot. I took her out to walks and was just her friend there. She needed one, and even to this day she calls me on the phone just to talk.

What I feel is: ****, can't I die already? I've got 10 attempts already. Why doesn't it work? Every single time, someone seizes it. C'mon.

I also think like this: I know it's temporary, I'm bipolar and I will have these periods all my life. It's chronic. If I get through them, it's of no use, they come back. Every ******* time. I'm tired of it. 

Sorry, but it's over. My mind is made up. Death is my way out. I just can't stand these depressions. They're so ******* deep, and they're chronically periodic for me. It's just not fair. I didn't ask for this, and I'm once again putting my foot down - I don't deserve this, but by asking of me to sty alive, this is what I have to live with. All this crying and plotting for death. Sorry dudes, I write this to say goodbye ... sometime next week it's going to happen. I really wish I could do more for you. But be happy to know how serious this ******* disease is. Really, if and when you meet someone bipolar, give them a hug and say "I have literally no idea what you're going through, but you should know that you're one kickass person and that I like you, and that you should remain alive." Even those in the department who get really manic (not me, I'm the depressed kind) do commit suicide when they're down, and a thing like that no matter when you received it, could save you if even for once. So, what's one hug? I freely give them away..

Seriously, bipolar disorder (and borderline perhaps) is nothing to be joked around with, it's ******* serious. I'm dying in a week, so yeah, there's that. 

Over and out, and see you on the other side, Ville.

I had a very good friend that offed himself 5 years ago. I still sit and wonder where the line of hope ends, where trying to recover or have a normal life becomes a burden more than a chance. Can others still help at that point? I couldn't, and I never felt more helpless at the time. The longer I had to think about it though, I realized something.

Some people just earnestly wish to move on, and when are we to simply say "it is your choice"?

Coq, I'm glad I came back to Head-fi at this time. I can only imagine the nightmare that you feel. Shoot me a message if you want to chat, and if a week is unpreventable, we'll all be there having some beers and bitching about weird sound signatures soon enough.

 

[C.C.S.]

  So, I've been released from the mental institution. I tricked them that I was feeling well. I'm not. I just couldn't stand living there anymore, being imprisoned just because you're sick, that in itself is sick. But they're going to screen me for borderline personality disorder as well.
 
However, I feel the need to say goodbye to y'all. You've been good friends to me, and with literal tears in my eyes (because I've been crying all morning) I wish you all the ******* best my friends. At the institution, I met a girl. She was 20 but looked like 12. She was autistic, and so badly effected by it that she is never going to be alright. She was at a point of autism that you could call her dumb. She was a beautiful little person. Beautiful, once you knew her. Every day, she fought the personnel, yelling that she had the right to die and that they should release her so she could die. I talked a lot to her. I kind of took her under my wings, despite knowing that her illness is greatly trumping mine, and tried to show her that life is worth living just one more day. She shouldn't think suicide is the answer. Leave that to people like me. She's just 20, and has everything in front of her. She has all the movies, all the music, and god - think of all the boyfriends she will have. I remember telling her "The world would lose something very beautiful if you died now". I asked her once what her favorite snacks were, and what her favorite movies were, and then bought it just to put on a movie for her in the TV room. We had a great time. We repeated it to the day that she asked me the same question and did the same for me. We actually have each other on facebook now.
 
There was this other girl who was there because she had barricaded and isolated herself a lot. I took her out to walks and was just her friend there. She needed one, and even to this day she calls me on the phone just to talk.
 
What I feel is: ****, can't I die already? I've got 10 attempts already. Why doesn't it work? Every single time, someone seizes it. C'mon.
 
I also think like this: I know it's temporary, I'm bipolar and I will have these periods all my life. It's chronic. If I get through them, it's of no use, they come back. Every ******* time. I'm tired of it. 
 
Sorry, but it's over. My mind is made up. Death is my way out. I just can't stand these depressions. They're so ******* deep, and they're chronically periodic for me. It's just not fair. I didn't ask for this, and I'm once again putting my foot down - I don't deserve this, but by asking of me to sty alive, this is what I have to live with. All this crying and plotting for death. Sorry dudes, I write this to say goodbye ... sometime next week it's going to happen. I really wish I could do more for you. But be happy to know how serious this ******* disease is. Really, if and when you meet someone bipolar, give them a hug and say "I have literally no idea what you're going through, but you should know that you're one kickass person and that I like you, and that you should remain alive." Even those in the department who get really manic (not me, I'm the depressed kind) do commit suicide when they're down, and a thing like that no matter when you received it, could save you if even for once. So, what's one hug? I freely give them away..
 
Seriously, bipolar disorder (and borderline perhaps) is nothing to be joked around with, it's ******* serious. I'm dying in a week, so yeah, there's that. 
 
Over and out, and see you on the other side, Ville.

 
I'm very sorry to hear that you're in such pain, Coq. You are quite right to say that I have no idea just what you're going through, because I have not lived your experiences. I don't know you all that well, but from your posts here, I've gathered that you are a very good person, despite being very troubled by your disease. I sincerely hope that before the week is up, you will change your mind and decide that your life is worth living. I hope that you may seek some other form of help or assistance with managing your illness, if such a thing exists.
 
This may sound very selfish, but I feel like I have to say it. Please, do not commit yourself to this yet. Don't die on us. There are people here who like you and care about you, and who would truly hate to see you go so soon. Please, reconsider this.

 

[Idsynchrono_24]

  So, I've been released from the mental institution. I tricked them that I was feeling well. I'm not. I just couldn't stand living there anymore, being imprisoned just because you're sick, that in itself is sick. But they're going to screen me for borderline personality disorder as well.
 
However, I feel the need to say goodbye to y'all. You've been good friends to me, and with literal tears in my eyes (because I've been crying all morning) I wish you all the ******* best my friends. At the institution, I met a girl. She was 20 but looked like 12. She was autistic, and so badly effected by it that she is never going to be alright. She was at a point of autism that you could call her dumb. She was a beautiful little person. Beautiful, once you knew her. Every day, she fought the personnel, yelling that she had the right to die and that they should release her so she could die. I talked a lot to her. I kind of took her under my wings, despite knowing that her illness is greatly trumping mine, and tried to show her that life is worth living just one more day. She shouldn't think suicide is the answer. Leave that to people like me. She's just 20, and has everything in front of her. She has all the movies, all the music, and god - think of all the boyfriends she will have. I remember telling her "The world would lose something very beautiful if you died now". I asked her once what her favorite snacks were, and what her favorite movies were, and then bought it just to put on a movie for her in the TV room. We had a great time. We repeated it to the day that she asked me the same question and did the same for me. We actually have each other on facebook now.
 
There was this other girl who was there because she had barricaded and isolated herself a lot. I took her out to walks and was just her friend there. She needed one, and even to this day she calls me on the phone just to talk.
 
What I feel is: ****, can't I die already? I've got 10 attempts already. Why doesn't it work? Every single time, someone seizes it. C'mon.
 
I also think like this: I know it's temporary, I'm bipolar and I will have these periods all my life. It's chronic. If I get through them, it's of no use, they come back. Every ******* time. I'm tired of it. 
 
Sorry, but it's over. My mind is made up. Death is my way out. I just can't stand these depressions. They're so ******* deep, and they're chronically periodic for me. It's just not fair. I didn't ask for this, and I'm once again putting my foot down - I don't deserve this, but by asking of me to sty alive, this is what I have to live with. All this crying and plotting for death. Sorry dudes, I write this to say goodbye ... sometime next week it's going to happen. I really wish I could do more for you. But be happy to know how serious this ******* disease is. Really, if and when you meet someone bipolar, give them a hug and say "I have literally no idea what you're going through, but you should know that you're one kickass person and that I like you, and that you should remain alive." Even those in the department who get really manic (not me, I'm the depressed kind) do commit suicide when they're down, and a thing like that no matter when you received it, could save you if even for once. So, what's one hug? I freely give them away..
 
Seriously, bipolar disorder (and borderline perhaps) is nothing to be joked around with, it's ******* serious. I'm dying in a week, so yeah, there's that. 
 
Over and out, and see you on the other side, Ville.

I've been thinking about this post throughout the day, and I really wish you'd reconsider. My sister is bipolar as well, and we found out when she had a manic episode while away at school a few years ago. It was honestly a terrifying event for my family as it had always been just the three of us (me, my mom, and my sister) for the last 20 some odd years. She would later tell me that she tried to take her life at the age of 11. It was touch and go for awhile, but she's much better now. I've suffered from bouts of depression throughout my life, but honestly never to the severity that you or my sister have, so I can't say that I can understand how hopeless it must feel from time to time. I'm sorry that you have to shoulder that burden, and feel so alone. Still, I maintain that's there's hope for you yet, if you can find it within you to look beyond yourself and help that girl. You strike me as being someone who's really kind hearted. As James mentioned, I do hope that you'd consider sticking around and lending that kind aura of yours to aid others who may be in a similar position, it seems that may be your calling in life. 
 
"The world would lose something very beautiful if you died now"
 
I hope you believed in those words, cause we could use a few more people like you around here. 

 

[DigitalFreak]

Oh man, I really didn't need to read that post from you Ville. I hope you come back long enough to read this thread because you really need to stop and think through what you're doing. If you think your disease is bad you really have to stop and think. 15 days ago I lost my father to cancer. He wanted to live but the disease was to far gone and he couldn't be saved. Your disease is treatable. You're throwing your life away and in the process you're robbing your family of a precious gift, you. Me and my mom really miss my father, your family will miss you too. Don't put your family through that sort of pain my friend. You have children, you don't have the right to put them through that sort of pain. What you're about to do won't gain you any rest.

 

[DigitalFreak]

so anyone around?

 

[C.C.S.]

Yeah. Just woke up about an hour ago. Starting the day really, really slowly.

 

[DigitalFreak]

Same here, it's a lazy Sunday for me

 

[ardgedee]

  Sorry, but it's over. My mind is made up. Death is my way out.

 
No idea what you're going through. I want to think I understand, but I don't. I haven't lived your life.
 
Humans mostly suck at empathy. For most of us it's hard to control. Sometimes we're too insensitive. Sometimes our sensitivity goes into overdrive, and everything becomes painful. That might have been how things felt while you were in the institution, and also now that you're out. It's unfair to feel so miserable, and also feel other people's misery, when they can't understand you. And it's unfair that it will happen again and again.
 
Your time with the girl in the institution helped you make something better of your worst time. And you had helped her. That's the best thing many of us can hope for; not curing people or fixing what's broken, not having good days forever, but just making each other's days less bad.
 
I hope you don't kill yourself. I hope you have more better days.

 

[DigitalFreak]

Guys, Ville is being helped. Im guessing he's back in the hospital by now and should be ok for now so you guys shouldn't worry.

 

[gelocks]

Thanks for the info DF.
 
So, any new gear being bought by anyone?
I recently got a Denon DA-10 USB Amp/DAC thingie and although it doesn't seem to support OTG, connected through USB via laptop it sounds pretty good. Just not for me though...
 
Also got the new ADL H128 closed-backs and I have to say, these have been the best closed-backs I've tried recently (trumping Sony's MDR-1A, Master and Dynamics MH40s, Ultrasone Performance 880/840, etc.). Very "natural" sounding, bass not overdone but present, lacks a bit of air up top but still has enough to provide decent crunch on guitars and good imaging. Still "testing" them but they sound like winners to me. I'll send them to ultrabike for measurements, I think they will do good in that regard.

 

[C.C.S.]

About half a year ago, I got HE-560 and around a month ago, I picked up Westone W30.
 
HE-560 is a touch bright up top and aggressive around 4 kHz or so, but with some EQ, I've managed to get really fantastic sound from it, out of a relatively modest desktop rig. I'm sure that this headphone will benefit from improvements upstream.
 
The W30 is also fantastic. Quite possibly the best IEM I've owned yet. They sound reasonably neutral and have a very 3-dimensional presentation, unlike the GR07, with which I am most familiar. The price is a little steep, though. $400 isn't big money in today's market, and these are definitely worth it if you have the money, but with some of the really inexpensive high performance IEMs out there, I'd have liked to see them sell at $300.

 

[DigitalFreak]

I'm currently selling off gear and redoing my desktop setup. I have the Liquid Carbon pre ordered and once I sell off a bit more gear I'm getting a better DAC. Today I had the ALO Green Line balanced cable arrive for my HifiMan HE-400i. I just shipped out my Q701 because it's become redundant to me owning the K712. I also sold off my DT1350. Anyone here interested in a CLAS-db or an ALO RX MKIII-B?

 

[Mimouille]

The Westone 30 sounds nice. Some seem to prefer it over the higher end models. I just bought the SE846 and love them. The bass is the best, and the ergonomics are great. I also received my Roxannes after the umpteenth refit but never get perfect comfort. I do love the sound so it is a shame. I also recently acquired an AK240SS...nice toy.

DF congrats on the Liquid Carbon. I do not us desktop gear but their products seem awesome.

 

[DigitalFreak]

The Westone 30 sounds nice. Some seem to prefer it over the higher end models. I just bought the SE846 and love them. The bass is the best, and the ergonomics are great. I also received my Roxannes after the umpteenth refit but never get perfect comfort. I do love the sound so it is a shame. I also recently acquired an AK240SS...nice toy.

DF congrats on the Liquid Carbon. I do not us desktop gear but their products seem awesome.

Thanks, I've already started looking into going balanced. I'm going to build the chain completely around the Liquid Carbon so I'm going to get balanced cables for all my gear. I've even ordered a couple of Marrow Audio power cables, one for the Liquid Carbon once the pre order arrives and one for my WA6. Once I've scored a DAC I may look into a power conditioner, not sure if I should get one yet. Eventually I plan to find someone to recable my Sennheiser HD598 and AKG K712 with balanced cables. I also have to find out what termination on the headphone end my Paradox uses so I can try and convince ALO to custom build a Green Line headphone cable for it. I also want to get the new Ether headphone because the thing sounds fantastic on the Liquid Carbon. I got a good 18 months work ahead of me before I get it all together.

 

[DigitalFreak]

By the way guys, when its all said and done I'm gonna have 4 amps, the Carbon, the WA6, the Play It By Ear and the Vali. Does anyone know if there's anything on the market I can use to run a DAC into which at a flick of a knob will allow me to switch from amp to amp? I really hate having to constantly plug and unplug my amps line in. I'd want something that wouldn't impact the signal path in any way of coarse.