[Pharmaboy]

An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all girl biker bar by mistake..

He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a beer.

After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.

In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things’:

The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.

The bouncer is a blonde girl who's an ex army fitness instructor'.

I'm a 6-foot tall, 180 pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.

The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.

The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

'Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy, do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'

The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, 'no,

not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times’.

What's weird about this is a guy told it to me just 2 days ago (I'd never heard it before).

 

[Ryokan]

What's weird about this is a guy told it to me just 2 days ago (I'd never heard it before).

Thought you were going to tell me off saying you've already posted it

 

[Pharmaboy]

Thought you were going to tell me off saying you've already posted it

Hah!

But I'll be happy to tell you off anyway...I charge for the hour like that bit in Monty Python.

 

[Ryokan]

Hah!

But I'll be happy to tell you off anyway...I charge for the hour like that bit in Monty Python.

I've heard you're good like that

 

[Pharmaboy]

I've heard you're good like that

...so you've been speaking with my relatives?

 

[Ryokan]

...so you've been speaking with my relatives?

Would love to but 1313 Mockingbird Lane, Waxahachie, Texas is a bit far from me

 

[Pharmaboy]

(had to google that...ingenious)

 

[Redcarmoose]

 

[DenverW]

How do you know a sniper loves you?

They miss you.

 

[Joaquin Dinero]

A dog walks into a bar.

"Lemme have a rum . . . and coke please."

"Sure thing buddy, but what's with the small pause?"

"I dont know . . . they've always been that way."

 

[BobG55]

A long time married couple are in therapy to help salvage their marriage. So the therapist asks the the husband : “now, let’s say you’re both laying in bed naked and are thinking about making love; at that very moment, what is the one thing you should never do ? “ “Point and laugh” replies the husband.

 

[Joaquin Dinero]

Descartes was hanging out at a cafe for awhile. He takes the last swig of his Beaujolais.

"Would you like another glass of wine, monsieur?

"Mmmmmm, I think not."

Then he just disappeared.

 

[The Jester]

Husband asks his wife of many years “ you’ve never told me when you’ve had an orgasm ?”,
Wife “ but you told me not to ring you at work ?”.

 

[Pharmaboy]

I probably posted this several years ago. That allows me to repost and say, "Oops--I forgot!"

My 2 favorite Steven Wright jokes:

• Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish.
• In my wallet, I have two very rare photographs. One is a picture of Houdini locking his keys in a car. The other is of Norman Rockwell beating up a child.

OK, OK. Here are 2 more faves:

• I went down to a convenience store one day that said "Open 24 Hours." But then I saw a guy locking up. I said, "The sign says you're open 24 hours." He said, "Yeah, but not in a row."
• Then I stopped at a restaurant that serves "Breakfast Any Time." So I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.

 

[The Jester]

I just finished a 1,000 piece jigsaw,
I thought I’d done really well as it only took me three months,
On the box it said “6-7 years” …