Corny Jokes - the more the merrier
Feb 21, 2015 at 4:53 PM Thread Starter Post #1 of 627

BobG55

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For some reason I've always enjoyed Corny Jokes so I thought I'd start a thread about Corny Jokes.   I'm hoping that many Head-fiers enjoy them also. Feel free to post yours, the more the merrier.
 
This is one of my all-time favourites :
 
A guy with a frog on his head walks into a Dr.'s office.  The Dr. looks at the guy & decides to humour him so he says : "Yes sir, what seems to be the problem?" 
 
And the frog says : "I'm not sure Doc, it started with a wart on my butt".
 
Feb 23, 2015 at 9:09 AM Post #3 of 627

Spareribs

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It's not a joke but true story:

I was walking on a side walk shopping center about 5 feet or so behind this heavy set 55-60 year old woman and she literally blasted a loud massive fart.
 
Feb 23, 2015 at 12:50 PM Post #5 of 627

BobG55

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It's not a joke but true story:

I was walking on a side walk shopping center about 5 feet or so behind this heavy set 55-60 year old woman and she literally blasted a loud massive fart.


Lucky you're still alive. 
eek.gif

 
Feb 23, 2015 at 1:28 PM Post #6 of 627

BobG55

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Q: What's worse than having a lobster on your piano ?
 
A: Crabbs on your organ !
 
Mar 26, 2015 at 4:19 AM Post #8 of 627

wink

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Q: Did you hear about the Irish Population?
A: It's Dublin!
 
Q: What do you call a prankster on Halloween?
A: Prankenstein
 
Q: Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?
A: Cause then it would be a foot!


 
Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes?
A: No eye deer.
 
Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
A: Still no eye deer.
 
Q: What is E.T. short for?
A: Because he's got little legs!
 
Q: What sound does a nut make when it sneezes?
A: Cashew!
 
Q: What did the boxer say the answer to 6+6 was?
A: A One-Two combination!



 
Q: What side of a duck has the most feathers?
A: The outside!
 
Q: What do dogs and trees have in common?
A: Bark
 
Mar 26, 2015 at 10:19 PM Post #9 of 627

BobG55

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  Q: Did you hear about the Irish Population?
A: It's Dublin!
 
Q: What do you call a prankster on Halloween?
A: Prankenstein
 
Q: Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?
A: Cause then it would be a foot!


 
Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes?
A: No eye deer.
 
Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
A: Still no eye deer.
 
Q: What is E.T. short for?
A: Because he's got little legs!
 
Q: What sound does a nut make when it sneezes?
A: Cashew!
 
Q: What did the boxer say the answer to 6+6 was?
A: A One-Two combination!



 
Q: What side of a duck has the most feathers?
A: The outside!
 
Q: What do dogs and trees have in common?
A: Bark


I love it !
 
What do you get when you cross and elephant & a rhino ?
 
Eliphino (hell if I know) 
biggrin.gif

 
Mar 26, 2015 at 11:41 PM Post #10 of 627

wink

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Q. What's the difference between an dozen eggs and a grand piano?
 
A. Have you ever tried to cook an omelette with a grand piano?
 
Mar 27, 2015 at 5:22 PM Post #11 of 627

BobG55

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Q.  What's the difference between an elephant & a mail box ?
 
A.  If you don't know I'll never send you to mail a letter.
 
Mar 28, 2015 at 12:26 AM Post #12 of 627

billybob_jcv

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Q: What’s the difference between a Greyhound depot full of homeless people and a crab with big boobs?

A: One’s a crusty bus station, and the other’s a busty crustacean.
 
Mar 28, 2015 at 9:38 AM Post #14 of 627

wink

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Q. What's a skeleton?
A. a person with his insides outside and his outside off.
 
Q. How do billboards talk?
A. In sign language.
 
Apr 6, 2015 at 6:54 AM Post #15 of 627

wink

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Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
 
A day without sunshine is like, night.
 
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
 
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
 
42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
 
99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
 
I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
 
If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving isn't for you.
 
I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
 
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
 
Remember half the people you know are below average.
 
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?
 
Nothing is foolproof to a talented fool.
 
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
 
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
 
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
 
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
 
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
 
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
 
I intend to live forever - so far so good.
 
Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back.
 
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
 
The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
 
Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
 
Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.
 
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
 
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
 
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
 
For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
 
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks
 
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
 
Success always occurs in private and failure in full view.
 
The colder the x-ray table the more of your body is required on it.
 
The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.
 
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
 
To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.
 
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
 
Two wrongs are only the beginning.
 
The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up.
 
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
 
Change is inevitable except from vending machines.
 
Get a new car for your spouse - it'll be a great trade!
 
Plan to be spontaneous - tomorrow.
 
If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
 
How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand.
 
If the speed of light is 186,000 miles/sec., what's the speed of darkness?
 
Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosyllabic"?
 
Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you.
 
Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
 

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