[The Jester]

Or the guy who wanted a car part,
Went down to the local Junkyard with a sample,
“Ah yes, I recognise that, $20 but we don’t have any at the moment”,
Went into the next junkyard…
“Ah yes, we have one of those, it’ll be $40”
“But the junkyard I just came from only wanted $20 but they didn’t have any ?”
“Ah yes, we only charge $20 when we don’t have any too”
“Ok, thanks, I’ll come back when you don’t have any”.

 

[Cheesebuggah]

Why do Russians love pho? Because they're SoViet.

 

[Pharmaboy]

Why do Russians love pho? Because they're SoViet.

OK, I have to ask. Do Russians actually love pho?

 

[Cheesebuggah]

OK, I have to ask. Do Russians actually love pho?

Well, they aren't SoViet anymore, so I dunno.

 

[Ryokan]

 

[Pharmaboy]

Sometimes the classic stuff is most satisfying. Like the deeply ironic series, "CHILDREN'S BOOKS WE'LL NEVER SEE." Below are selected titles:

CHILDREN'S BOOKS WE'LL NEVER SEE​

​

"You Were an Accident"​

​

"Strangers Have the Best Candy"​

​

"Kittens Can Fly!"​

​

"Kathy Was Bad so Mommy Stopped Loving Her"​

​

"POP Goes the Hamster and Other Microwave Games"​

​

"Babar Meets the Taxidermist"​

​

"The Boy Who Died From not Eating His Vegetables"​

​

"Control the Playground: Respect Through Fear"​

​

"Mr. Fork, Meet Mrs. Electrical Outlet"​

​

(and my all-time favorite)​

​

"Daddy Drinks Because of You"​

 

[BobG55]

 

[BobG55]

 

[Ryokan]

It's a five minute walk from my house to the pub. But it's a 45 minute walk from the pub to my house.

The difference is staggering.

 

[Ryokan]

Double post.

 

[The Jester]

That’s what happens when you post after getting home from the pub ?

 

[Pharmaboy]

Double post.

eStaggering

 

[Bytor123]

My eyesight is getting worse, I keep walking into pubs

 

[The Jester]

Two guys it the pub,
“What’s that red mark on bridge of your nose ?”
“Oh that, it’s from glasses”
“Have you thought about contact lenses ?”
“Wouldn’t get much beer in those”.

 

[The Jester]

Playing fetch with your cat …
Throw a stick, “fetch” ….
“Fetch what ?”..
“Fetch the stick “ …
“What do I want a stick for ?”
“Go on, fetch the stick”…
“You want the stick, you go fetch it”…
“Ah, come on, fetch the stick”..
“If you wanted the stick that badly why’d you throw it away ?”