[Festive56]

Why don't blind people bungee jump?






Scares the *** out of the dog....

 

[Ryokan]

“Fame was like a drug, but what was even more like a drug were the drugs.”

“I thought I had an appetite for destruction, but all I wanted was a club sandwich.”

“Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers.”

Ted: “Would you like your pizza cut into six or eight slices Dougal?”
Dougal: “Oh just six, I don’t think I could eat eight.”

 

[Festive56]

The old west sheriff told his deputy one of the townspeople had seen a wanted criminal down to the saloon and to go arrest him. "How will I recognize him?" the deputy asked. "Easy" said the sheriff, "He'll be wearing a hat, shirt and pants made from paper bags." "Ok," said the deputy "he should pretty easy to spot. By the way, what am I arresting him for?". The sheriff said "Rustling"

 

[BobG55]

A friend of mine has a pet termite. He calls him Clint because, Clint Eats Wood.

 

[Ryokan]

Just seen a man slumped over a lawn mower crying his eyes out.

He said he'll be fine, he's just going through a rough patch.

 

[Trihexagonal]

More like a cruel existential joke played at your expense by a faceless controller/being, but your point is well taken.

 

[thecrow]

I had to go to the optometrist the other day to replace my broken glasses. Guess who I bumped into on the way there.

Everyone.

 

[BobG55]

 

[BobG55]

 

[Pharmaboy]

I see people parading around with their phones on self-sticks, live-streaming some bs thing they're doing so their own personal peanut gallery can give them likes. And I think, "How pathetic." But that has nothing on the fatuous narcissistic excess of "gender reveal parties."

Besides the fact there's really only one gender celebrated worldwide to begin with (hint: it has a handle), some of these parties are so baroque and over the top that cops and firemen get called. There have actually been assaults, deaths, and significant property destruction at some of the more, uhh, explosive gender reveal parties.

(this stuff just fertilizes my misanthropy like weeds in a landfill...)

 

[Thomasr]

Two flies are in a bakery.

First fly says "dude, you're killing it. You're finding all the best food."

The other one says "I know. I'm on a roll."

 

[BobG55]

 

[Festive56]

How do you get Pikachu on the bus?

You Pokémon!

 

[jb001]

Did any Star Wars fans out there know Yoda has a last name?

...
...
...

It's Layheehoo.

 

[Joaquin Dinero]

Did any Star Wars fans out there know Yoda has a last name?

...
...
...

It's Layheehoo.

I hate myself for liking this post