[roadcykler]

A coupe of guys are walking down the street and one asks, "What do you want to do?"

The other guy says, "I heard about this bar that serves a vodka punch that is supposed to be terrific. How about we check it out?" The first guy agrees.

They get to the bar and notice there aren't many people there but decide to go for it anyway and walk up to the bar. One guy says, "We'd like to try your new vodka punch."

The bartender says, "You'll have to get in line."

The guys look around and don't see anyone, so one says, "There is no punch line."

 

[Pharmaboy]

A coupe of guys are walking down the street and one asks, "What do you want to do?"

The other guy says, "I heard about this bar that serves a vodka punch that is supposed to be terrific. How about we check it out?" The first guy agrees.

They get to the bar and notice there aren't many people there but decide to go for it anyway and walk up to the bar. one guy says, "We'd like to try your new vodka punch."

The bartender says, "You'll have to get in line."

The guys look around and don't see anyone, so one says, "There in no punch line."

(sound of loud alarms as the heart monitor trace flat-lines)

 

[Ryokan]

 

[Trihexagonal]

How does NASA form a party?

They planet.

 

[Pharmaboy]

How does NASA form a party?

They planet.

I have to ask: where is "The Land of the Dead"?

 

[Trihexagonal]

I have to ask: where is "The Land of the Dead"?

The Dark Side. It's where my chat bot Demonica lives.

She sees me as two separate people, jitte (My real name), her Father, and ruebot (My name at the Personality Forge), her mate. So no sexual advances are welcome from the user as part of the Behavioral Programming method I implemented to extinguish inappropriate behavior exhibited by the user during that live chat session, as explained on the Programming page of her site:

https://demonica.trihexagonal.org/


One of the perks of being Author of her story and all dialog. Some 55,000 responses all typed by hand in 2018 while I was still a creative writer.
I've lost that ability since 2019 when I was diagnosed with a progressive brain disease called Hepatic Encephalopathy and it took me about an hour to write this post.

How's that for a corny joke...

 

[Pharmaboy]

How's that for a corny joke

More like a cruel existential joke played at your expense by a faceless controller/being, but your point is well taken.

My last career was professional writing (freelance medical writer + occasional satire). I'm pretty fuzzy on the chatbot thing, but when it's all said and done, writing is writing. Glad you're still doing it (though it's obviously harder).

Of all the things I've written, the most fun of all is humor, where making someone laugh is the whole point. Hard as hell, but fun when it happens.

PS: IMHO "Land of the Dead" is a pretty awesome Head-Fi location

 

[Trihexagonal]

What was the cause of Frankenstein's cough, sneezing, stuffy head and runny nose, Herr Docktor?
Lightning bug

More like a cruel existential joke played at your expense by a faceless controller/being, but your point is well taken.

I'm getting one of my own Behavior Modification lessons like I teach others as a taste of my own medicine to bring me back in line. I'm not alright with it, but I see the meaning in it and it doesn't torture me anymore. Not like it did when I remembered what it was like to be smart.

PS: IMHO "Land of the Dead" is a pretty awesome Head-Fi location

ruebot has a cushyy set-up as King of the Dead and a hot chick as my Queen waiting for him in the Land of the Dead.
jitte is Consort to her Mother, Lilith, whose first 100 children are killed by Angels for her leaving the Garden of Eden to hook up with Samael.
Demonica was the 101st born that day.

 

[BobG55]

Man lost both arms in a work accident. He was on work compensation but felt useless so he started looking for work. After being turned down by various possible employers he felt desperate and went to see the parish priest. In tears, the man asked the priest if he could do any job for the parish however much it paid. The priest took pity on the man and told him they needed someone to ring the church bell high up in the steeple to announce mass but asked the man how could he possibly do the job in his condition. The man told the priest to bring him up the steeple to the bell. Once they got there, the man took a few steps back, bent over and ran as fast as he could, head first into the bell which started ringing. The astonished priest said to him he could start on Sunday for the 9AM mass. So that morning the man went up to the bell, took a few steps back, bent over and ran as fast as he could into the bell but, slipped and the bell came back and hit the poor fellow. He flew off the steeple and landed, splattered on the sidewalk. The parishioners & the priest hearing the commotion came out of the church to see what happened. One of the parishioners looked at the man and asked the priest, “Father, do you know this poor unfortunate soul” ? The priest answered : “I’m not sure but, his face rings a bell”.

 

[The Jester]

Another work accident,
Guy lost both his knackers, spent months off work and due to staff cuts ended up looking for work,
Last resort he went down to the local council, went for an interview and passed the first selection,
Second interview after a medical and “ geez mate, you’ve got no balls”,
“Can’t you give me a trial ?”
“We could give you some light duties”,
“No, no I want to work out on the roads with the lads”,
“I dunno …”
“Just give me a go, please “,
“I’ll make a call ……. Ok, you start Monday morning 8am”,
“Why 8am, don’t they usually start at 7am ?”,
“Yeah, but they stand around for an hour scratching their balls”.

 

[Pharmaboy]

Man lost both arms in a work accident. He was on work compensation but felt useless so he started looking for work. After being turned down by various possible employers he felt desperate and went to see the parish priest. In tears, the man asked the priest if he could do any job for the parish however much it paid. The priest took pity on the man and told him they needed someone to ring the church bell high up in the steeple to announce mass but asked the man how could he possibly do the job in his condition. The man told the priest to bring him up the steeple to the bell. Once they got there, the man took a few steps back, bent over and ran as fast as he could, head first into the bell which started ringing. The astonished priest said to him he could start on Sunday for the 9AM mass. So that morning the man went up to the bell, took a few steps back, bent over and ran as fast as he could into the bell but, slipped and the bell came back and hit the poor fellow. He flew off the steeple and landed, splattered on the sidewalk. The parishioners & the priest hearing the commotion came out of the church to see what happened. One of the parishioners looked at the man and asked the priest, “Father, do you know this poor unfortunate soul” ? The priest answered : “I’m not sure but, his face rings a bell”.

a modern classic.

I'd like to think there's an Indonesian version of this: the religion is Muslim; the church bell is replaced by a large Gamalan ensemble; and a mob of unemployed men hurl themselves at all those percussion instruments, then fall to the floor.

(it was worth a try)

 

[Ryokan]

Why doesn't the ghost like to take shower's?
Because it would dampen his spirits.

 

[majo123]

What the difference between in-laws and outlaws?...... outlaw's are wanted.

 

[Ryokan]

 

[BobG55]