Hmm - I think you are in dangerous territory when you start down the "women are different" road. The feminazis are usually pretty quick to jump on that type of thinking - at least in the modern Western society. On the everyday street, I agree that it is a bit more complicated than "everyone is the same". When it is to their advantage to do so, both men and women will take advantage of cultural behavior norms. So, a woman may expect you to hold the door open for her - not because she can't open the door, but because in a "polite society" both the man and the woman have been taught to accept *and* expect that behavior. I always chuckle when, due to random timing, the woman reaches the door before I do, and she opens it, then lets it shut in my face - with absolutely no thought of reversing this polite custom. I always wonder - would this same woman have been offended if I did the same to her? Or, is she simply one of the folks that was never raised to do or receive such things?
I always take the practical approach - so, in this case, what is the likelihood that the OP's friend's wife would *ever* apologize to the OP? And, even if she did - would she mean it, or would it simply set-up even more long-term animosity? Does the OP expect his friend to choose his side in opposition to the wife? How likely is that? What will the OP do if his friend does not?
I see a few choices for the OP:
1. Be offended and still hang out with your friend, knowing that this means sometimes having to pretend to be pleasant around someone you do not like.
2. Escalate and confront the wife, knowing that there are multiple outcomes to this choice that span the continuum from her apologizing and everyone saying they are now besties for life, or all the way through to the showdown at the OK corral with one or more parties ending up in jail or the emergency room or both.
3. End it all, drop this friend and his crazy biatch without saying a word and move on with your life.
4. Be offended and still hang out with your friend, but be passive aggressive toward the wife, making every encounter between the three of you uncomfortable and awkward.
Out of those, I would only see #1 & #3 as viable choices - but I'm not the confrontational type, and I also hate passive aggressive behavior. The OP would need to decide for himself what path he is most comfortable taking - but he also needs to remember that he cannot force other people to react the way he wants them to, or in the way he thinks they should act. Understand and plan for all possible outcomes on the path you choose.