My friend's wife yelled at me.
Aug 7, 2014 at 1:59 AM Post #31 of 53
 
No, she is not wrong for being angry. For a woman, family is family. If the husband isn't focussed on the family, a wife will be angry. You cannot tell a woman not to be a woman (nor a man not to be man). A husband should treat his wife like a princess. Otherwise, why are they married? 
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So its totally acceptable to throw a tantrum at a ramdom person whos not responsible for the situation...because shes a woman. Yeah not buying it.

 
She is not wrong in her feeling. As I said though, woman don't express their feelings the way men do. Even if the way she dealt with the problem was ultimately bad, the underlying expectation was that she should have dealt with it as a man would have. 
 
Aug 8, 2014 at 11:04 AM Post #32 of 53
Hmm - I think you are in dangerous territory when you start down the "women are different" road. The feminazis are usually pretty quick to jump on that type of thinking - at least in the modern Western society. On the everyday street, I agree that it is a bit more complicated than "everyone is the same". When it is to their advantage to do so, both men and women will take advantage of cultural behavior norms. So, a woman may expect you to hold the door open for her - not because she can't open the door, but because in a "polite society" both the man and the woman have been taught to accept *and* expect that behavior. I always chuckle when, due to random timing, the woman reaches the door before I do, and she opens it, then lets it shut in my face - with absolutely no thought of reversing this polite custom. I always wonder - would this same woman have been offended if I did the same to her? Or, is she simply one of the folks that was never raised to do or receive such things?

I always take the practical approach - so, in this case, what is the likelihood that the OP's friend's wife would *ever* apologize to the OP? And, even if she did - would she mean it, or would it simply set-up even more long-term animosity? Does the OP expect his friend to choose his side in opposition to the wife? How likely is that? What will the OP do if his friend does not?

I see a few choices for the OP:

1. Be offended and still hang out with your friend, knowing that this means sometimes having to pretend to be pleasant around someone you do not like.
2. Escalate and confront the wife, knowing that there are multiple outcomes to this choice that span the continuum from her apologizing and everyone saying they are now besties for life, or all the way through to the showdown at the OK corral with one or more parties ending up in jail or the emergency room or both.
3. End it all, drop this friend and his crazy biatch without saying a word and move on with your life.
4. Be offended and still hang out with your friend, but be passive aggressive toward the wife, making every encounter between the three of you uncomfortable and awkward.

Out of those, I would only see #1 & #3 as viable choices - but I'm not the confrontational type, and I also hate passive aggressive behavior. The OP would need to decide for himself what path he is most comfortable taking - but he also needs to remember that he cannot force other people to react the way he wants them to, or in the way he thinks they should act. Understand and plan for all possible outcomes on the path you choose.
 
Aug 8, 2014 at 1:53 PM Post #33 of 53
Your friends wife shouldn't have called you any names, and It was his responsibility to handle her. I believe many times insecurity, and jealously causes women to come between close friends. I don't think she hates you, but I believe she views you as a threat. My best friends wife came between our 25 year friendship, and it was very sad.
 
Aug 11, 2014 at 4:25 PM Post #35 of 53
I see a few choices for the OP:

1. Be offended and still hang out with your friend, knowing that this means sometimes having to pretend to be pleasant around someone you do not like.

4. Be offended and still hang out with your friend, but be passive aggressive toward the wife, making every encounter between the three of you uncomfortable and awkward.

 
Yeah, let's not pretend that every situation can be solved in a positive way. Conflicts are a natural part of our lives so we must tolerate and live with it.
 
Aug 11, 2014 at 5:05 PM Post #36 of 53
No reason to turn #2 on the list into a worst case where everyone ends up dead. In any case, it's her husband's job to confront her.
 
Aug 11, 2014 at 9:39 PM Post #37 of 53
I stranded a woman nearly 500 miles from home for doing something similar, swearing at me and calling me names. It took care of the problem and she never talked to me again.
 
Aug 12, 2014 at 1:26 PM Post #38 of 53
I stranded a woman nearly 500 miles from home for doing something similar, swearing at me and calling me names. It took care of the problem and she never talked to me again.

 
I wanted to do that before (well, only about 40mi through downtown traffic), but I realized that if anything happened to her in the bad part of town if she got stuck there late at night, I'd be the first person the cops would "invite" to their interrogation room. I took her home, keeping in any retort I wanted to fart out, then stopped answering her calls after that episode. I later found out she was pregnant with some rich kid, she was talking about how cool his top down Eclipse was which was "just like Paul Walker's" (I'd be interested if it was either an RX-7 or a 69 'Stang fastback), and then his parents took the kid and she was asking me to help her find a lawyer.
 
It might have been good for the baby that I didn't - I recently saw an episode of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit and realized there was such a thing as "histrionic personality disorder," and the victim in that episode just acted too much like her minus the bipolar temper and it was freaking creepy at first I thought the writer knew her (until it was mentioned it was some kind of brain problem - hey, I wasn't a psych major).
 
Aug 12, 2014 at 3:34 PM Post #39 of 53
Hmm - I think you are in dangerous territory when you start down the "women are different" road. The feminazis are usually pretty quick to jump on that type of thinking - at least in the modern Western society. On the everyday street, I agree that it is a bit more complicated than "everyone is the same". When it is to their advantage to do so, both men and women will take advantage of cultural behavior norms. So, a woman may expect you to hold the door open for her - not because she can't open the door, but because in a "polite society" both the man and the woman have been taught to accept *and* expect that behavior. I always chuckle when, due to random timing, the woman reaches the door before I do, and she opens it, then lets it shut in my face - with absolutely no thought of reversing this polite custom. I always wonder - would this same woman have been offended if I did the same to her? Or, is she simply one of the folks that was never raised to do or receive such things?

I always take the practical approach - so, in this case, what is the likelihood that the OP's friend's wife would *ever* apologize to the OP? And, even if she did - would she mean it, or would it simply set-up even more long-term animosity? Does the OP expect his friend to choose his side in opposition to the wife? How likely is that? What will the OP do if his friend does not?

I see a few choices for the OP:

1. Be offended and still hang out with your friend, knowing that this means sometimes having to pretend to be pleasant around someone you do not like.
2. Escalate and confront the wife, knowing that there are multiple outcomes to this choice that span the continuum from her apologizing and everyone saying they are now besties for life, or all the way through to the showdown at the OK corral with one or more parties ending up in jail or the emergency room or both.
3. End it all, drop this friend and his crazy biatch without saying a word and move on with your life.
4. Be offended and still hang out with your friend, but be passive aggressive toward the wife, making every encounter between the three of you uncomfortable and awkward.

Out of those, I would only see #1 & #3 as viable choices - but I'm not the confrontational type, and I also hate passive aggressive behavior. The OP would need to decide for himself what path he is most comfortable taking - but he also needs to remember that he cannot force other people to react the way he wants them to, or in the way he thinks they should act. Understand and plan for all possible outcomes on the path you choose.

 
5. I'm still going to talk to my friend, but I won't accept invites to his house. I doubt I will be invited anyways. My friend and I have been going to the LA Auto Show every year. I'm sure that won't change. His wife doesn't come and it's a guy's day.
 
Unfortunately, I won't being seeing or talking to him as much as I used to. I'm sure his wife doesn't like him calling me nowadays, since she is pissed off at me.
 
But it's time to put some distance between me and my friend. He is still my friend, but I understand he needs to get along with his wife.
 
Aug 12, 2014 at 11:11 PM Post #41 of 53
   
I presume you are not married, in which case, believe you me that "getting along with the wife" is going to be the bane of your very existence once you get your own wife 
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That could be good depending on who it is.
 
Aug 13, 2014 at 4:58 AM Post #43 of 53
I'd say the ATH-M50x are the perfect headphones for the occasion. Closed can with decent isolation, so those darn birds chirping and flowing water isn't going to ruin your audio escape. They are portable and doesn't need an amp, so you could have had it there with you at the camp site. The detachable cables make for good durability should she decide to rip them off your head. If you got the anniversary blue/orange, the orange is very visible, should she proceed to throw them as far as she could. 
 
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Aug 17, 2014 at 8:58 AM Post #44 of 53
  I'd say the ATH-M50x are the perfect headphones for the occasion. Closed can with decent isolation, so those darn birds chirping and flowing water isn't going to ruin your audio escape. They are portable and doesn't need an amp, so you could have had it there with you at the camp site. The detachable cables make for good durability should she decide to rip them off your head. If you got the anniversary blue/orange, the orange is very visible, should she proceed to throw them as far as she could. 
 
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Looool!  Perfect solution!  
 
Feb 19, 2020 at 11:19 PM Post #45 of 53
It can happen in life when someone loses their temper.

Life is filled with friction. There will be times when people’s feathers get ruffled.

Lets look at the positive side:

I would rather have someone yell at me then be nice to me in public and then behind my back, bad mouth me which is more common in society.

Sometimes, when someone yells at you, it’s a way of saying I care about you.
 
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