Eke, I like that data point. I can see what you mean, and I had a similarly morbid mantra before. I used to think that suicide is an option, therefore I should wait with it until the last minute, when all else has failed. It kind of works for lighter depressions and anxiety .. it's like a calming effect to know that death is an option, and that I never have "no choice". But when the depression goes below a certain point, I can see how it starts working against me, and becomes counter productive. Death becomes more of a goal and a given choice rather than that last option it was supposed to be. From now on I don't think I should think about death in such a way. I mean, of course it's an option, just not for me, not just yet - I still have a plenty to do before I go, such as raising my kids, stop being homeless, start playing more games, try those sexy headphones I haven't tried yet, listen to music that isn't heard yet, go places, meet people, see where this thing with this certain someone leads (oh boy), see the progression of my ex wife when she blooms out in all her glory and becomes a happy person, taste new foods, try drugs I haven't yet, work with helping people (yep, when I get much more stable I will start looking for jobs working with young adults, because I feel I can do so much for them), see my friends who still feel bad bloom out and get well, see my friends who are well get even better, be there for people, get more ink (much more ink, never in my face though, my neck tattoo can be covered with a shirt), I need to climb some mountain some day, I need to get rid of all my prejudice and see transparently and see how it affects my life and way of living (I am however very advanced on this one, but I feel I can do better) and most importantly I have to enjoy everything in life in general.