wink
His amps are made out of recycled beer cans
and his source from tomatos.
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- Apr 13, 2009
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Duck for cover.....
Corny Jokes - the more the merrier
- Thread starter BobG55
- Start date
His amps are made out of recycled beer cans
If it walks like a duck, talks like a duck, and smells like a duck but Chuck Norris says it's a giraffe, it's a damn giraffe!
StevenD0106
Head-Fier
Q: What does a mathematician do when he's constipated?
A: He works it out with a pencil.
A: He works it out with a pencil.
BobG55
Formerly known as Old Groucho
BobG55
Formerly known as Old Groucho
What do pigs use to treat a burn or a cut ?
Oinkment.
Oinkment.
BobG55
Formerly known as Old Groucho
1 What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
2 What did the baby corn say to the mama corn? Where’s pop corn?
3 How do you make an egg-roll? You push it!
4 Did you hear about the sensitive burglar. He takes things personally.
2 What did the baby corn say to the mama corn? Where’s pop corn?
3 How do you make an egg-roll? You push it!
4 Did you hear about the sensitive burglar. He takes things personally.
- Joined
- Jun 20, 2010
- Posts
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Bad news doesn't always travel fast....
Haha reminds me of this one:
Patient: "How long do I have left doc?"
Doctor: "Five."
Patient: "Five what?"
Doctor: "Four. Three. Two..."
Pharmaboy
Headphoneus Supremus
OK, time a jazz joke (the few & the proud):
It's dawn. The father rooster stands in front of the hen house where he will shortly regale the hens with his best rooster call, and then he'll **** the ones that respond favorably. But this morning is different: the son rooster begs for his big chance: "I tell you, Dad, I been practicing...I got chops & I'll kill if you just give me a chance!."
The father rooster agrees, and then the son rooster launches into a hip, improvisational call...he scats like Satchmo; does a few minutes of straight-up swing in the style of Coleman Hawkins, Ben Webster, and Paul Gonzalves; then bebops through the diminished 7th chords of Bird, Diz, and Monk, all blindingly fast; then finishes with a daring modulation based on an theme by Charles Ives. But despite his nearly 10 minutes of virtuosic crowing, not a single hen awakes. The son slinks off in shame.
Then the father rooster winks at his son, thrusts out his chest, and issues a cock-a-doodle-do so primal and soul-stirring as to call forth the spirits of all chickens, past and present. With just a few notes, he sums up the senseless slaughter of many great chickens, the terrible suffering of the species, and the tragedy of the chicken diaspora itself. This brief but powerful call booms off the hills, the mountains, and the sun. The hens, stunned by his call's majesty, fall over twitching in a frenzy of adulation--and the father rooster ****s them all, one by one.
Afterward, the son rooster, despondent, says, "Dad, I sang my guts out, didn't leave a thing in the dressing room--but got nowhere! Then you go out there and knock them on their asses. How do you do it?"
The father rooster nods sagely and replies, "Son--you gotta know the standards."
It's dawn. The father rooster stands in front of the hen house where he will shortly regale the hens with his best rooster call, and then he'll **** the ones that respond favorably. But this morning is different: the son rooster begs for his big chance: "I tell you, Dad, I been practicing...I got chops & I'll kill if you just give me a chance!."
The father rooster agrees, and then the son rooster launches into a hip, improvisational call...he scats like Satchmo; does a few minutes of straight-up swing in the style of Coleman Hawkins, Ben Webster, and Paul Gonzalves; then bebops through the diminished 7th chords of Bird, Diz, and Monk, all blindingly fast; then finishes with a daring modulation based on an theme by Charles Ives. But despite his nearly 10 minutes of virtuosic crowing, not a single hen awakes. The son slinks off in shame.
Then the father rooster winks at his son, thrusts out his chest, and issues a cock-a-doodle-do so primal and soul-stirring as to call forth the spirits of all chickens, past and present. With just a few notes, he sums up the senseless slaughter of many great chickens, the terrible suffering of the species, and the tragedy of the chicken diaspora itself. This brief but powerful call booms off the hills, the mountains, and the sun. The hens, stunned by his call's majesty, fall over twitching in a frenzy of adulation--and the father rooster ****s them all, one by one.
Afterward, the son rooster, despondent, says, "Dad, I sang my guts out, didn't leave a thing in the dressing room--but got nowhere! Then you go out there and knock them on their asses. How do you do it?"
The father rooster nods sagely and replies, "Son--you gotta know the standards."
Not a joke as such but something that's on text on BBC1 today (Sports pages 301 for the Brits) :-
I spat my Tea out, I laughed so hard.
What they didn't mention is that Mary Magdalene saved a penalty
I spat my Tea out, I laughed so hard.
What they didn't mention is that Mary Magdalene saved a penalty
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A Patient wakes up from a Coma after a Motor accident and is confronted by his Doctor :-
Doctor -"I have good & bad news, which would you like first?"
Patient - "Oh God, I'll take the bad first"
Doctor - "Unfortunately, we couldn't stop the bleeding and have had to amputate both your legs"
After several minutes of upset, the man gathers his thoughts.
Patient - "Ok, so what's the good news?"
Doctor - "Mr Green in bed number 5 would like to buy your Slippers"
Doctor -"I have good & bad news, which would you like first?"
Patient - "Oh God, I'll take the bad first"
Doctor - "Unfortunately, we couldn't stop the bleeding and have had to amputate both your legs"
After several minutes of upset, the man gathers his thoughts.
Patient - "Ok, so what's the good news?"
Doctor - "Mr Green in bed number 5 would like to buy your Slippers"
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Two old men are sat talking on a park bench when a young woman streaks by completely naked.
One man has a stroke. The other couldn't reach.
One man has a stroke. The other couldn't reach.
A piece of string goes to a Bar.
The Bartender asks "Excuse me, I don't mean to be rude but are you a piece of string?"
The string replied "No, I'm a frayed Knot"
The Bartender asks "Excuse me, I don't mean to be rude but are you a piece of string?"
The string replied "No, I'm a frayed Knot"
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Police arrested 2 children yesterday. One was drinking Battery Acid and the other was eating Fireworks.
They charged one and let the other one off.
They charged one and let the other one off.
A Jump Lead goes to a bar.
The Barman says "I'll serve you but don't start anything"
The Barman says "I'll serve you but don't start anything"
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