The Pineapple Hate Club (TPHC)!
Mar 29, 2013 at 3:01 PM Thread Starter Post #1 of 738


Headphoneus Supremus
Mar 10, 2012
After living my life of COMPLETE hatred for the dreaded fruit called the Ananas Comosus (Pineapple), I have decided to make a thread about it here on Head-Fi, so I can discus my hatred with others that understand this. My counseling sessions never cured me of the pain I feel when I see a pineapple. I have been banned from all super markets in a 50 mile radius due to smashing the produce into pieces on the floor. If you eat too much, the high levels of Potassium can PARALYZE you! So I got kicked out of stores by trying to HELP others from developing this horrid case of paralyses! :/ Don't even get me started on the outer layer with all those spikes! You could accidentally drop it, and it will cut you BAD, and possibly die from blood loss! And the taste... that ATROCIOUS taste... How could someone eat something so tropical? It's sweet, but has enough citrus acid to pack a punch. :frowning2: After viewing some Blog articles online, I came across this comparison of Pineapples vs. Coconuts, which I find shockingly true!

[COLOR=bd2228]Pineapple vs. Coconut[/COLOR]
Scoring will be done on a 0-4 basis. 0 being not intelligently designed/defective; 4 being as intelligently designed as the mighty banana. I will first use Ray's ten criteria (discussing it for both fruits) and then a few of my own which I think are worthy, including how long it took me to open them.

1. Is shaped for human hand
Coconut: It is not at all shaped for the human hand. It has no ridges matching up with the hand. You can comfortably hold it, though. D-. (+1)
Pineapple: Holding it in the checkout line was extremely awkward, uncomfortable, and unpleasant. F. (+0)

2. Has non-slip surface
Coconut: It does indeed... A. (+4)
Pineapple: There's really no non-slip surface here. The spikes make you want to let it slip. It's not frictionless, though. D-. (+1)

3. Has outward indicators of inward content:
Coconut: It does turn brown when ripened, but no color indicator of being too late or if the coconut water is bitter. C-. (+2)
Pineapple: You can examine the leaves and the uniformity of the markings along the pineapple, but this is no clear outward indicator of inward content. F+. (+0)

4. Has a tab for removal of wrapper
Coconut: It's a sphere. F-. (+0)
Pineapple: It has a leafy tab, but it's hardly for removal of wrapper. F. (+0)

5. Is perforated on wrapper
Coconut: Nope. F-. (+0)
Pineapple: Nope. F-. (+0)

6. Bio-degradable wrapper
Coconut: Yes, but probably a lot longer than the banana's 2-10 days. C. (+2)
Pineapple: Yes, but probably longer than the banana's 2-10 days. B. (+3)

7. Is shaped for human mouth
Coconut: Not for mine. F. (+0)
Pineapple: Epic failure. F-. (+0)

8. Has a point at top for ease of entry
Coconut: "top"? F-. (+0)
Pineapple: Nope. F-. (+0)

9. Is pleasing to taste buds
Coconut: It is pleasing... but as much as a banana? B+. (+3)
Pineapple: I was in tears once I finished mutilating it as I could not eat it. A+. (+4)

10. Is curved towards the face to make eating process easy
Coconut: It's curved towards the face alright (and everywhere else). F-. (+0)
Pineapple: Nope. F-. (+0)

11. Is easy to harvest from the plant
Coconut: It's in a tall palm tree. It falls several months after ripening, striking you on the head, and the water being bitter.? F. (+0)
Pineapple: Telling when it's ready is a bit difficult and it's spikey making it difficult to hold on to. C-. (+2)

12. Is easy to open with just your body
Coconut: Impossible. Epic failure. G-. (+0)
Pineapple: I suppose you could smash it with your fist, but it's far from easy. D-. (+1)

13. Is easy to open using stuff found in nature (like rocks)
Coconut: Took me five minutes to get it opened/broken enough to eat. It wasn't easy. F-. (+0)
Pineapple: Took me four minutes to get it opened and expose all the fruit content to eat. It wasn't easy. D- (+1)

14. Once opened with nature items, it's easy/clean to eat.
Coconut: Not really. Getting the fruit away from the shell was difficult with the teeth. It is clean though. C. (+2)
Pineapple: Messy, messy, messy. F. (+0)

Coconut: 25% (+14)
Pineapple: 21.4% (+12)

Here are some some quotes of people who despise the Pineapple on this very forum:
Pineapple =

Pineapple now, due to the constant barrage of pineapple poop, sux!!! :deadhorse:

I like the way you think.....cheese is much better than pineapples or bananas.

And you know this how?


Cherry, strawberry, blueberry, you're talking! (especially on cheesecake.) *drool*

I'd luv to see that,...while you cry pineapple tears & sulk in a corner. I'm understated but quite the beast,...ask my bro Achmed.

Besides, cherry, strawberry, blueberries, and raspberries are much higher on the health scale. I would know, as cancer survivors tend to zero in on the real deal. Pineapple doesn't count,... :wink:

While TwinQY wrestles with Pineapple addiction, 'Silent One' would rather go with bananas...

I had some peanuts & a coconut water - the pineapple was (meh!!!) unnecessary. :wink:

Thanks! It tastes pretty good too, even though I'm not wild about pineapple. But whatevs! :smile:

You all know I'm a considerate person.

And some anti-pineapple pics:
Last edited:
Mar 29, 2013 at 3:48 PM Post #6 of 738
May 5, 2010
Mar 29, 2013 at 4:29 PM Post #7 of 738


Formerly known as nywytboy68
May 5, 2008
All redeeming qualities pale in comparison to the various forms of WAYYYYY BETTER strawberries, blueberries, blackberries, etc. Pineapple is, with the exception of a pina colada, a pox on humanity!!! Even then I'd pass and get a BANANA DAIQUIRI!!!:cool:

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