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The Pineapple Hate Club (TPHC)!

post #1 of 602
Thread Starter 
After living my life of COMPLETE hatred for the dreaded fruit called the Ananas Comosus (Pineapple), I have decided to make a thread about it here on Head-Fi, so I can discus my hatred with others that understand this. My counseling sessions never cured me of the pain I feel when I see a pineapple. I have been banned from all super markets in a 50 mile radius due to smashing the produce into pieces on the floor. If you eat too much, the high levels of Potassium can PARALYZE you! So I got kicked out of stores by trying to HELP others from developing this horrid case of paralyses! mad.gif Don't even get me started on the outer layer with all those spikes! You could accidentally drop it, and it will cut you BAD, and possibly die from blood loss! And the taste... that ATROCIOUS taste... How could someone eat something so tropical? It's sweet, but has enough citrus acid to pack a punch. angry_face.gif After viewing some Blog articles online, I came across this comparison of Pineapples vs. Coconuts, which I find shockingly true!
Pineapple vs. Coconut
Scoring will be done on a 0-4 basis. 0 being not intelligently designed/unintelligently designed/defective; 4 being as intelligently designed as the mighty banana. I will first use Ray's ten criteria (discussing it for both fruits) and then a few of my own which I think are worthy, including how long it took me to open them.
1. Is shaped for human hand
Coconut: It is not at all shaped for the human hand. It has no ridges matching up with the hand. You can comfortably hold it, though. D-. (+1)
Pineapple: Holding it in the checkout line was extremely awkward, uncomfortable, and unpleasant. F. (+0)

2. Has non-slip surface
Coconut: It does indeed... A. (+4)
Pineapple: There's really no non-slip surface here. The spikes make you want to let it slip. It's not frictionless, though. D-. (+1)

3. Has outward indicators of inward content:
Coconut: It does turn brown when ripened, but no color indicator of being too late or if the coconut water is bitter. C-. (+2)
Pineapple: You can examine the leaves and the uniformity of the markings along the pineapple, but this is no clear outward indicator of inward content. F+. (+0)

4. Has a tab for removal of wrapper
Coconut: It's a sphere. F-. (+0)
Pineapple: It has a leafy tab, but it's hardly for removal of wrapper. F. (+0)

5. Is perforated on wrapper
Coconut: Nope. F-. (+0)
Pineapple: Nope. F-. (+0)

6. Bio-degradable wrapper
Coconut: Yes, but probably a lot longer than the banana's 2-10 days. C. (+2)
Pineapple: Yes, but probably longer than the banana's 2-10 days. B. (+3)

7. Is shaped for human mouth
Coconut: Not for mine. F. (+0)
Pineapple: Epic failure. F-. (+0)

8. Has a point at top for ease of entry
Coconut: "top"? F-. (+0)
Pineapple: Nope. F-. (+0)

9. Is pleasing to taste buds
Coconut: It is pleasing... but as much as a banana? B+. (+3)
Pineapple: I was in tears once I finished mutilating it as I could not eat it. A+. (+4)

10. Is curved towards the face to make eating process easy
Coconut: It's curved towards the face alright (and everywhere else). F-. (+0)
Pineapple: Nope. F-. (+0)

11. Is easy to harvest from the plant
Coconut: It's in a tall palm tree. It falls several months after ripening, striking you on the head, and the water being bitter.? F. (+0)
Pineapple: Telling when it's ready is a bit difficult and it's spikey making it difficult to hold on to. C-. (+2)

12. Is easy to open with just your body
Coconut: Impossible. Epic failure. G-. (+0)
Pineapple: I suppose you could smash it with your fist, but it's far from easy. D-. (+1)

13. Is easy to open using stuff found in nature (like rocks)
Coconut: Took me five minutes to get it opened/broken enough to eat. It wasn't easy. F-. (+0)
Pineapple: Took me four minutes to get it opened and expose all the fruit content to eat. It wasn't easy. D- (+1)

14. Once opened with nature items, it's easy/clean to eat.
Coconut: Not really. Getting the fruit away from the shell was difficult with the teeth. It is clean though. C. (+2)
Pineapple: Messy, messy, messy. F. (+0)


Coconut: 25% (+14)
Pineapple: 21.4% (+12)

Here are some some quotes of people who despise the Pineapple on this very forum:
Quote:
Originally Posted by tds101 View Post

Pineapple =

Quote:
Originally Posted by tds101 View Post

Pineapple now, due to the constant barrage of pineapple poop, sux!!! deadhorse.gif
Quote:
Originally Posted by Achmedisdead View Post

I like the way you think.....cheese is much better than pineapples or bananas.L3000.gif

And you know this how? blink.gif
very_evil_smiley.gif

Cherry, strawberry, blueberry, raspberry.....now you're talking! (especially on cheesecake.) *drool*
Quote:
Originally Posted by tds101 View Post

I'd luv to see that,...while you cry pineapple tears & sulk in a corner. I'm understated but quite the beast,...ask my bro Achmed.

Besides, cherry, strawberry, blueberries, and raspberries are much higher on the health scale. I would know, as cancer survivors tend to zero in on the real deal. Pineapple doesn't count,... wink.gif
Quote:
Originally Posted by Silent One View Post

While TwinQY wrestles with Pineapple addiction, 'Silent One' would rather go with bananas... wink.gif


LL
Quote:
Originally Posted by tds101 View Post

I had some peanuts & a coconut water - the pineapple was (meh!!!) unnecessary. wink.gif

Quote:
Originally Posted by warrenpchi View Post

Thanks! It tastes pretty good too, even though I'm not wild about pineapple. But whatevs! smile.gif
Quote:
Originally Posted by Argyris View Post

You all know I'm a considerate person. smile.gif

And some anti-pineapple pics:

Edited by gopanthersgo1 - 3/29/13 at 12:05pm
post #2 of 602
What the f...
post #3 of 602
True. Pineapple is awful. ;-)
post #4 of 602
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Accoun View Post

True. Pineapple is awful. ;-)
I know! It's overhyped, dangerous, and DISGUSTING!
post #5 of 602

LMAO Pineapple Twinkies are especially horrid!!! YUCK.beerchug.gif 

post #6 of 602
Quote:
Originally Posted by sfwalcer View Post

LMAO Pineapple Twinkies are especially horrid!!! YUCK.beerchug.gif 

 

post #7 of 602
All redeeming qualities pale in comparison to the various forms of WAYYYYY BETTER strawberries, blueberries, blackberries, etc. Pineapple is, with the exception of a pina colada, a pox on humanity!!! Even then I'd pass and get a BANANA DAIQUIRI!!!cool.gif
post #8 of 602
What's up with the Pineapple hate?
post #9 of 602

awe ye. I love pineapples.

post #10 of 602
post #11 of 602
Quote:
Originally Posted by MrViolin View Post

awe ye. I love pineapples.

They are great, right?
post #12 of 602

Pineapple on pizza is actually banned on twelve star systems. True fact.

post #13 of 602
post #14 of 602
Quote:
Originally Posted by JuanseAmador View Post


They are great, right?

they're amazing :D

post #15 of 602
Eat moar cheese,...
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