[afton]

Q: What's 50 Cent real name?
A: Half a dollar.

 

[ChickenGod]

Women's rights.



LOL IM JUST KIDDING

 

[ChickenGod]

Quote:

Originally Posted by skaler /img/forum/go_quote.gif > Subject: Drugs > > > In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic > name. For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of > Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also called > Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen. > > The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful > consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced > that is has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also > considered were mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of > course, Ibepokin. > > Pfizer Corp. announced today that VIAGRA will soon be available in > liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage > suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to > literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call > this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of "****tails," > "highballs" and just a good old-fashioned "stiff drink." Pepsi will > market the new concoction by the name of: "MOUNT & DO" .

AHAHHAHAHHAHHA

 

[fatcat28037]

Two Irishmen walk out of a bar........it could happen you know.

 

[Old Pa]

Wisdom of Larry the Cable Guy

1. A day without sunshine is like night.
2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.
6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.
9. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.
10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
13. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.
14. OK, so what's the speed of dark?
15. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
16. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
17. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
18. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines
19. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?
20. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, "What the hell happened?"
22. Just remember -- if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.
23. Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
24. Life isn't like a box of chocolates. It's more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow

 

[kimragone]

[pointing up to a flock of geese flying in a V-shape]

Q: Do you know why one arm is always longer than the other?

A: There are more geese on that side.

 

[Dane]

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the Priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favour?"

"Of course. What may I do for you?"

"Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?"

"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie."

"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you."

When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her.

The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"

"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."

The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"

"I have a marvellous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused."

Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father. " Next!

 

[Cousin Patty]

Quote:

Originally Posted by SoundGoon /img/forum/go_quote.gif What did the Bra say to the Hat? - "You go on ahead, I gotta give these two a lift."

HA!

 

[feh1325]

its funny how fingerpuppet sounds fine as a noun...

 

[F107plus5]

Darn; I don't have time to read through all of these at the moment, but one of my favorites:

It's about the "ethnic" coyote. "Three paws chewed off and he's STILL caught in the trap"!

...it doesn't work well with gators.

My Grandson went fishing at his Aunts house the other day and was having fun watching the gators chasing his hook and bait. We're glad he didn't try to CATCH one!

 

[CuriousVoiger]

Frank was excited about his new rifle. So, he went bear hunting. He spotted a small brown bear and shot it. There was then a tap on his shoulder, and he turned around to see a big black bear.

The black bear said: "You've got two choices.

I either maul you to death or we have rough sex."



Frank decided to bend over. Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Frank soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip where he found the black bear and shot it.



There was another tap on his shoulder.



This time a huge grizzly bear stood right next to him. The grizzly says: "That was a huge mistake, Frank. You've got two choices. Either I maul you to death or we have REALLY rough sex."



Again, Frank thought it was better to comply. Although he survived, it would take several months before Frank finally recovered. Outraged he headed back to the woods, managed to track down the grizzly and shot it.



He felt sweet revenge, but then there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to find a giant polar bear standing there.



The polar bear says:

"Admit it, Frank, you don't come here for the hunting, do you?"

 

[CuriousVoiger]

A guy is lying in his hospital bed, wired up with drips and monitors, breathing with the aid of an oxygen mask. A young lady comes round the ward with the tea and newspaper trolley. Approaching him she asks if there is anything she can do for him. The guy looks at her and asks "Are my testicles black?"

"I'm sorry but I'm not medical staff, I can't help you with that" she replies.

"Oh, please have a look for me, I'm really worried; Are my testicles black?"

Taking pity on his obvious distress the girl glances around the ward and, seeing there are no medical staff around, says "Alright, I'll have a look for you". She pulls back the bedcover, lifts his dick out of the way and, cupping his balls in her hand tells him, with a note of relief in her voice, "No, they look fine to me".

The patient pulls off his oxygen mask and says "I said, Are my test results back?"

 

[CuriousVoiger]

GRANDMA
:
The other day I went up to a local Christian bookstore and saw a honk if you love Jesus bumper sticker.




I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting, so I bought the sticker and put in on my bumper.
I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good He is and I didn't notice that the light had changed.
It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed.

I found that LOTS of people love Jesus. Why, while I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and when he leaned out of his window and screamed, "for the love of God, GO! GO!" What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus.

Everyone started honking! I just leaned out of my window and started waving and smiling at all these loving people.

I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love. There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a sunny beach...

I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. When I asked my teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant, he said that it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.

Well, I've never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign back.

My grandson burst out laughing, why even he was enjoying this religious experience.

A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me.


I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed.

So, I waved to all my sisters and brothers grinning, and drove on through the intersection.

I noticed I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and I felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared, so I slowed the car down, leaned out of the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away.

Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!

 

[fatcat28037]

When I Die I want to go quietly in my sleep, like my grandfather..........not screeming like the passengers in his car.

 

[RYCeT]

Before the marriage:


He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
She: Do you want me to leave?
He: NO! Don't even think about it.
She: Do you love me?
He: Of course!
She: Have you ever cheated on me?
He: NO! Why you even asking?
She: Will you kiss me?
He: Yes!
She: Will you hit me?
He: No way! I'm not such kind of person!
She: Can I trust you?
He: Yes.


Now after the marriage, you can read it from BOTTOM to up