Lunatique
1000+ Head-Fier
- Joined
- Mar 7, 2008
- Posts
- 1,481
- Likes
- 384
This is a reply I split off from the thread "Head-Fi TV, Episode 008: Stax SR-009: Best Headphone Ever Made?" The conversation sort of started from the page when someone asked me about my avatar:
http://www.head-fi.org/forum/thread/560425/head-fi-tv-episode-008-stax-sr-009-best-headphone-ever-made/195
I didn't want to go totally OT in that thread, so I'm posting my answer to Paganini Alfredo's question here:
Quote:
Heh, if I was still single, I'd totally want to know too.
Unfortunately, there's no clear answer, as we all have different personalities, and the chemistry that forms when two different personalities get together can be very different. For example, I do not behave the same way I do with Elena when I was with any of my ex-girlfriends. I'm a different person now when I'm with my wife. At the same time, Elena is a completely different person when she was with her ex-boyfriends. In fact, the way she is when she's with me shocked all her family and friends. They could not have imagined she'd turn into this totally feminine, selfless, loving, nurturing, supportive, and adoring wife. She literally treats me like her king and her pampered child at the same time (that's why I say it's totally embarrassing, but I'm not complaining, and I know I'm a lucky dog).
Before meeting me, she was being wooed by men with money and power all the time (we're talking heads of large corporations and politicians like mayors and governors), but she didn't give any of them a chance, because she wasn't interested in money or power. Everyone saw her as this proud, unattainable, self-sufficient woman who wasn't easily impressed by those who wanted to impress her. The more they tried to figure her out, then more she mystified them.
When she met me, I didn't even have a job--I was a starving artist who had just lost his job, had all of his belongings stashed away in someone's garage, sold his car, and had no savings in the bank. Most women would look at a guy like that and not even give him a chance. But Elena saw the soul within--the romantic artist who had dreams and ambitions, who viewed the world from a different set of eyes than most people, and who in her opinion, was not tainted by the corrupt world of money and power. She even joked and said that she'd rather be with the guy who had the potential to become somebody, than a guy who already is somebody, because that way, she could share his journey to greatness and be a positive force in helping him, and he'll appreciate her far more than just some woman who wanted him for his money and power after he's already succeeded.
Maybe it's just luck. If I had been a different guy, then she would not have fallen for me. If she had been a different woman, it would probably wouldn't have worked for me either. It's the combination of her + me that becomes something very special--a chemical reaction. I guess you'll just have to keep searching until you find someone who creates that special chemical reaction with you. There's no guarantee that everyone will find it their lifetime. I'm an idealist and a romantic, so in the back of my mind, I always wished I'd have this fairytale-like marriage, but I was losing hope because harsh reality just isn't very compatible with fairytales. She always longed for a happy marriage too, but she wasn't sure she'd find it either. Now that we've been together for almost ten years (in two months), we feel blessed everyday because we found our fairytale marriage.
To be fair, we should hear her side of the story. Elena's got her own thoughts on our marriage too, and she wrote a blog entry a few months ago about why it's awesome to be married to me:
http://blog.sina.com.cn/s/blog_4cedff4f0100px61.html
But it is in Chinese. Online translators will make a mess of it, so I'll do a quickie translation summary here of the 14 reasons she listed:
1) He's taken tens of thousands of photos of me in the last ten years, and he makes me look even more beautiful with his photography, perhaps because of the way he sees me.
2) He also paints me, and his paintings, I'm very classy.
3) He's passionate about music, and would write/compose songs about us, and he would pick out great music for me to listen to.
4) He loves films, and does screenwriting and directing, so he's able to pick out amazing films that he thinks I would love. I'm never short of great films to watch because his recommendations are always spot-on.
5) He goes shopping with me and helps me pick out clothes and make-up. He's my personal designer/fashion consultant. Even when I'm worn out from 12 hours of straight shopping, he still remains enthusiastic, urging me to try a few more outfits in case those styles go out of season and can't be found again. I'm like his Barbie doll, and he never tires of helping me look my best.
6) He's eternally curious and never stops learning--always teaching himself new skills and trying to push himself to become better at everything he does. His positive and healthy attitude about life and learning influences me. He's my teacher.
7) Every woman loves sweet talk, and because he's a writer, he's got the words of a poet. There are endless ways he could express his love for me, and because he's so creative, he's got dozens of terms of endearment for me.
8) Whenever we're apart such as when I'm out of town, he will describe sincerely in detail how he misses me on the phone, and how his days without me are just not the same.
9) The construction and decoration of our home is his work of art. As an artist, he's extra sensitive to composition and color, and his perfectionist personality and perseverance ensures that he achieves exactly the ideal he imagined.
10) I'm a computer idiot, while he's an expert. He takes care of fixing everything electronic around the house.
11) We talk about anything and everything--from news, art, movies, music, literature, to little things happening in our lives. This ensures we'll never grow apart, and we'll always be supportive to each other, growing together.
12) Although he may not share my passions for gardening or cooking, but he's always patient and listens to me talk about these things, and would accompany me to go shopping for related stuff, as well as send me interesting related links he found online that he knows I'll enjoy.
13) He has no bad habits (smoking, drinking, gambling), and exercises self-control when it comes to spending money on expensive things. He consults with me on every significant purchases he makes, as well consult me on all details regarding his career, seeking my opinion. His earnings goes directly to my bank account and trusts me completely in my ability to manage our finances. In return, I often encourage him to buy the expensive things he's hesitant about buying.
14) He gives me total freedom to socialize and never forces his opinions on me or ask me to make changes to my social circle. He also encourages and supports me to help out those around me such as family and friends.
So there you go. It's a highly specific circumstance of two unique individuals that had the incredible luck of finding each other. Maybe our personalities are what allowed us to find happiness. I can imagine people who are pessimistic or not very romantic probably would have a lower chance of having a wonderful marriage, since they are unlikely to feel like they are the luckiest people on earth everyday for having found each other.
Here's to all the romantics out there. Don't you ever change.
http://www.head-fi.org/forum/thread/560425/head-fi-tv-episode-008-stax-sr-009-best-headphone-ever-made/195
I didn't want to go totally OT in that thread, so I'm posting my answer to Paganini Alfredo's question here:
Quote:
Ok Lunatique, out with it...
How, when and where do the rest of us find a woman as awesome as yours???
Heh, if I was still single, I'd totally want to know too.
Unfortunately, there's no clear answer, as we all have different personalities, and the chemistry that forms when two different personalities get together can be very different. For example, I do not behave the same way I do with Elena when I was with any of my ex-girlfriends. I'm a different person now when I'm with my wife. At the same time, Elena is a completely different person when she was with her ex-boyfriends. In fact, the way she is when she's with me shocked all her family and friends. They could not have imagined she'd turn into this totally feminine, selfless, loving, nurturing, supportive, and adoring wife. She literally treats me like her king and her pampered child at the same time (that's why I say it's totally embarrassing, but I'm not complaining, and I know I'm a lucky dog).
Before meeting me, she was being wooed by men with money and power all the time (we're talking heads of large corporations and politicians like mayors and governors), but she didn't give any of them a chance, because she wasn't interested in money or power. Everyone saw her as this proud, unattainable, self-sufficient woman who wasn't easily impressed by those who wanted to impress her. The more they tried to figure her out, then more she mystified them.
When she met me, I didn't even have a job--I was a starving artist who had just lost his job, had all of his belongings stashed away in someone's garage, sold his car, and had no savings in the bank. Most women would look at a guy like that and not even give him a chance. But Elena saw the soul within--the romantic artist who had dreams and ambitions, who viewed the world from a different set of eyes than most people, and who in her opinion, was not tainted by the corrupt world of money and power. She even joked and said that she'd rather be with the guy who had the potential to become somebody, than a guy who already is somebody, because that way, she could share his journey to greatness and be a positive force in helping him, and he'll appreciate her far more than just some woman who wanted him for his money and power after he's already succeeded.
Maybe it's just luck. If I had been a different guy, then she would not have fallen for me. If she had been a different woman, it would probably wouldn't have worked for me either. It's the combination of her + me that becomes something very special--a chemical reaction. I guess you'll just have to keep searching until you find someone who creates that special chemical reaction with you. There's no guarantee that everyone will find it their lifetime. I'm an idealist and a romantic, so in the back of my mind, I always wished I'd have this fairytale-like marriage, but I was losing hope because harsh reality just isn't very compatible with fairytales. She always longed for a happy marriage too, but she wasn't sure she'd find it either. Now that we've been together for almost ten years (in two months), we feel blessed everyday because we found our fairytale marriage.
To be fair, we should hear her side of the story. Elena's got her own thoughts on our marriage too, and she wrote a blog entry a few months ago about why it's awesome to be married to me:
http://blog.sina.com.cn/s/blog_4cedff4f0100px61.html
But it is in Chinese. Online translators will make a mess of it, so I'll do a quickie translation summary here of the 14 reasons she listed:
1) He's taken tens of thousands of photos of me in the last ten years, and he makes me look even more beautiful with his photography, perhaps because of the way he sees me.
2) He also paints me, and his paintings, I'm very classy.
3) He's passionate about music, and would write/compose songs about us, and he would pick out great music for me to listen to.
4) He loves films, and does screenwriting and directing, so he's able to pick out amazing films that he thinks I would love. I'm never short of great films to watch because his recommendations are always spot-on.
5) He goes shopping with me and helps me pick out clothes and make-up. He's my personal designer/fashion consultant. Even when I'm worn out from 12 hours of straight shopping, he still remains enthusiastic, urging me to try a few more outfits in case those styles go out of season and can't be found again. I'm like his Barbie doll, and he never tires of helping me look my best.
6) He's eternally curious and never stops learning--always teaching himself new skills and trying to push himself to become better at everything he does. His positive and healthy attitude about life and learning influences me. He's my teacher.
7) Every woman loves sweet talk, and because he's a writer, he's got the words of a poet. There are endless ways he could express his love for me, and because he's so creative, he's got dozens of terms of endearment for me.
8) Whenever we're apart such as when I'm out of town, he will describe sincerely in detail how he misses me on the phone, and how his days without me are just not the same.
9) The construction and decoration of our home is his work of art. As an artist, he's extra sensitive to composition and color, and his perfectionist personality and perseverance ensures that he achieves exactly the ideal he imagined.
10) I'm a computer idiot, while he's an expert. He takes care of fixing everything electronic around the house.
11) We talk about anything and everything--from news, art, movies, music, literature, to little things happening in our lives. This ensures we'll never grow apart, and we'll always be supportive to each other, growing together.
12) Although he may not share my passions for gardening or cooking, but he's always patient and listens to me talk about these things, and would accompany me to go shopping for related stuff, as well as send me interesting related links he found online that he knows I'll enjoy.
13) He has no bad habits (smoking, drinking, gambling), and exercises self-control when it comes to spending money on expensive things. He consults with me on every significant purchases he makes, as well consult me on all details regarding his career, seeking my opinion. His earnings goes directly to my bank account and trusts me completely in my ability to manage our finances. In return, I often encourage him to buy the expensive things he's hesitant about buying.
14) He gives me total freedom to socialize and never forces his opinions on me or ask me to make changes to my social circle. He also encourages and supports me to help out those around me such as family and friends.
So there you go. It's a highly specific circumstance of two unique individuals that had the incredible luck of finding each other. Maybe our personalities are what allowed us to find happiness. I can imagine people who are pessimistic or not very romantic probably would have a lower chance of having a wonderful marriage, since they are unlikely to feel like they are the luckiest people on earth everyday for having found each other.
Here's to all the romantics out there. Don't you ever change.
