what you say isn't completely irrelevant because indeed, we all tend to orbit around our own "tribes of beliefs". and of course when I already believe that cable shouldn't cost much and that they won't make big differences unless one is defective in some way, I will not go try an endless list of fancy cables. which in turn will inevitably give me fewer opportunities to stumble upon something with a big influence on sound. in all those respects, you're right. we seek different stuff and so we find different stuff.
now what really causes that dichotomy in how we live, think and act on this hobby in your opinion? because to me it's absolutely obvious. you consider the anecdote of your sighted impressions as proof that cables make big changes. I experience the same anecdotes but I have higher standards as to what constitutes evidence. that's really it.
first I don't leave things to sighted impressions as I've had a great many opportunities to confirm that I'm very apt at fooling myself with sighted impressions. with controlled listening, I confirmed that the differences were usually smaller than what I thought they were. often times I wouldn't be able to tell anything at all once I got the ability to switch almost instantly between cables. and a few times, I did end up with audible differences, demonstrated, validated, proved thanks to those controlled listening. so when I say "I know there was an audible difference", it's not just me agreeing with my own ego about sighted impressions. my confidence comes from proper confirmation.
so I move on to the next step, measuring stuff to find out what's going on now that I know the differences I'm left with aren't just placebo and garbage testing methods.
measurements always got me to rapidly find some significant differences in such situations. maybe half of them were a slight change in loudness(meaning that once compensated I couldn't tell them apart anymore). a bunch were simply defective cables and even just a multimeter would have usually told me that much if I had started there. and a handful of times, circumstances made one cable with special characteristics better(objectively and/or subjectively) than the typical cheap standard cable. some matter of shielding with a particularly picky amp, some of the stuff I already mentioned with IEMs and crossovers. some USB cable that would really improve the measured signal because of some ferrite bead or whatever. all in all, I still only have a few such anecdotes where either the original cable was bad and a measurements would have confirmed it, or the circumstances created the particular demand for a special cable. this last situation brings us back to your remark. when I realized that some gear was overly sensitive to something(AKA unstable), unless it really cost too much money I systematically got rid of it. because to me, save for a few unavoidable circumstances, obvious changes in behavior is a sign of bad design. but to some audiophile on a quest for change, the same unstable gear will most likely be seen as great. the guy could perhaps think something along the lines of "it's so good and detailed, it even reveals the differences in cables". most likely the device is just not that well designed. but in such situation, we are very likely to see the same experience interpreted differently by different people.
for each of those confirmed anecdotes, I've had tens of cheap cables working to spec and letting me measure stuff to the limit of my measurement devices and probably beyond if I had a better ADC. so if in the vast majority of cases, the impact between cables is too small to be noticed by me, why would I run around telling people to believe that cables make a significant difference or that they should go buy special sorts or brands? that wouldn't be me depicting my understanding and experience. that would be me using weird anecdotes as if they were the norm. I don't like people saying that cables can't impact the sound, because that's false and I've had actual experience disproving such a universal claim. but I believe that making a big deal about special cables because of anecdotes is just as bad.