Who wants to help me out with a situation about a girl?
Oct 21, 2008 at 10:28 PM Thread Starter Post #1 of 86

TheMarchingMule

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Yes, I'm sure some members will have a ball with this topic, and that's half the point here. The other half is to make sure that there's a working answer out of all the mayhem.
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So there's a girl in one of my classes that I like. As in, I'm interested in. Not that way some of you are already thinking about, just a "I want to know you and talk to you more" thing. She's friends with many of my friends, but when we're near each other, it's always awkward. Probably because I've admittedly been staring at her a few times and she caught me.
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We talk really short comments that last only a few seconds, and even then it's really awkward.

(I'm going to break the world record for using "awkward" so many times at this rate)

Point is, I don't want this awkwardness to keep creating a social gap between us. I've had it happen with other people in the past (guys and girls), and it really never gets solved, and this feeling is just too weird every time we're near each other. And since it's film class here, we need to be able to get along with as many people as possible for connections to future jobs and whatnot.

So yeah, tell me what I should try out to make this work before we lapse into silence with each other because we can't understand each other.

Cheers, and thanks in advance.
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P.S. As some of you know, I already have a girlfriend, so no funny stuff, y'hear? No shenanigans!
 
Oct 21, 2008 at 10:47 PM Post #2 of 86

928GTS

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Well I think what you need to do is not worry about it so much and just approach the situation in a calm and relaxed manner. The more you think about how you're going to conduct yourself the more you overanalyze things and thus wear yourself down. When the encounter comes you'll be all worn out from thinking about it from every angle and you'll probably make a hash of it.

Don't be nervous because you don't need to be, you're just talking to her. Start bringing up topics that you feel you might have in common such as something one of the friends you both know might be doing, how classes are going, whats the weather going to be tomorrow, heard any good new music lately, etc. You're not trying to crack the Enigma, you're just starting conversation.

If you take everything with a relaxed and calm gait you'll have no trouble. Remember,just have confidence in yourself and do your best to try and ignore your brain trying to figure out every little angle of everything such as why is she making that weird motion with her hand while she talks,etc.
 
Oct 21, 2008 at 10:59 PM Post #3 of 86

wavoman

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I have to make conversation with strangers all the time, and here's the secret, which should work in your case too: everyone loves to talk about themselves, so ask a question about this girl's opinions, feelings, preferences, etc.

If she said something in class, you have the perfect opening: "That was an interesting comment -- tell me more, where did you come up with this".

Or, if you know anything about her, use that "Hey I heard your did whitewater rapids last summer ... what it's like, cool or scary?". Or "I got a question for you, I know you are quite the sushi lover, so what's the best thing to order at Campus Sushi"?

Anything about HER, then sit back and let it flow.

Just did this today -- I'm in a conference room at a big company about to make a presentation (pitching my little company), my host goes out to get something, and some dude who will be in the meeting walks in -- awkward silence. A simple "Hi, I'm Larry, what do you do here at ABC Corp and what are you looking to get out of my presentation today" worked its magic -- the guy just lights up and talks for 5 minutes, and later during the presentation he is my new best friend and booster.

Get them to talk about themselves. Never fails. Trust me.
 
Oct 21, 2008 at 11:02 PM Post #4 of 86

Kirosia

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You already have a girlfriend, and have been making googly eyes at another girl who runs in the same circle? Yeah... maybe the awkwardness is warranted.
 
Oct 21, 2008 at 11:07 PM Post #5 of 86

TheMarchingMule

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Kirosia /img/forum/go_quote.gif
You already have a girlfriend, and have been making googly eyes at another girl who runs in the same circle? Yeah... maybe the awkwardness is warranted.


No, my bad for the awful suggestion; I tend to stare at people while I think about them, guys or girls. It's a bad habit.
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928GTS and wavoman, thanks for those suggestions; I completely forgot how well that "let them talk about themselves" tactic works.
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Oct 21, 2008 at 11:43 PM Post #6 of 86

Kirosia

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Maybe she thinks you like her. Go clear it up, say you're just really weird and only want to be friends. Then whip it out.
 
Oct 21, 2008 at 11:49 PM Post #9 of 86

TheMarchingMule

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Kirosia /img/forum/go_quote.gif
Maybe she thinks you like her. Go clear it up, say you're just really weird and only want to be friends. Then whip it out.


...I actually have considered what you just suggested for awhile, except that last part. We aren't allowed to re-enact Western films 'round these areas.
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But yeah, that "clear it up" part is gong to be as awkward as hell to try and explain to her. I'm just going to assume that assumption is going to linger forever, since seriously, who ever has done (let alone attempted) such a thing? It makes perfect sense and is the most direct way to explain it, but still....
 
Oct 22, 2008 at 1:40 AM Post #10 of 86

MD1032

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Just don't think and talk to her every chance you get. The way you eliminate awkwardness is by talking.

For example, in my Diffy Q class, everyone used to just get there 10 minutes early and wait for the guy to show up and we'd sit awkwardly, then I decided that it was a bunch of crap, so I introduced myself to the people near me and talked to them one by one, and about a week later, bam, now everyone in the class is talking about how much we hate the class before class, because we all have that in common!
 
Oct 22, 2008 at 2:01 AM Post #11 of 86

Rednamalas1

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exactly where were you staring at when you got caught?

in any case, make dirty jokes, offer her permission to grab your bum, and stick your tongue out at her every time you guys meet up. No, that's not going to work, but it would be funny.

I generally try to fight against awkwardness with humor - it doesn't always work, but it shows you that you're trying. The key is to have gf with you to break the ice - tell your gf the awkwardness of the situation and see how she can help you. Generally, my gf doesn't get jealous over with me talking to girls, as she knows that I'm that kind of person. If things work out well, things should be good enough for possible threesome. cheers.
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Oct 22, 2008 at 2:03 AM Post #12 of 86

Gatto

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I should have read everybody else's comments but my 2 cents is just tell her. Tell her you just want to be her friend and that you have an awkward habit of accidently staring off at people.
 
Oct 22, 2008 at 2:06 AM Post #13 of 86

Rednamalas1

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Hmmm, confronting never worked out for me, a third mediating person worked out pretty well. let's say her and her friend (also your close friend) might hang out and your friend (who is also her friend) invites you - then it's easier to break out of awkwardness if there aren't 30 of your friends present.
 
Oct 22, 2008 at 2:08 AM Post #14 of 86

Tridacnid

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Finding a common interest would help.

Talking is by far the best way to get to know someone, but if it is too awkward to talk alone with her, always be with a friend when you talk. When you have someone you know inside and out with you (ie- best friend), get into a conversation with that friend. I can usually drag the most random people into the conversation, and if you keep them there long enough, they usually start to settle into the group.
 
Oct 22, 2008 at 2:09 AM Post #15 of 86

TheMarchingMule

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Rednamalas1 /img/forum/go_quote.gif
exactly where were you staring at when you got caught?

in any case, make dirty jokes, offer her permission to grab your bum, and stick your tongue out at her every time you guys meet up. No, that's not going to work, but it would be funny.

I generally try to fight against awkwardness with humor - it doesn't always work, but it shows you that you're trying. The key is to have gf with you to break the ice - tell your gf the awkwardness of the situation and see how she can help you. Generally, my gf doesn't get jealous over with me talking to girls, as she knows that I'm that kind of person. If things work out well, things should be good enough for possible threesome. cheers.
wink.gif



Haha it's only her face I focus on. Probably because she reminds me of another girl-friend I have (see, difference between girl-friend and girlfriend, m'kay). And I'd have to ship my girlfriend here from six hours away, which I don't think is going to happen any time soon.

And my girlfriends is pretty chill with me and other girls; she said as long as the other girls know I have a girlfriend ahead of time, it's fine.
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Quote:

Originally Posted by Gatto /img/forum/go_quote.gif
I should have read everybody else's comments but my 2 cents is just tell her. Tell her you just want to be her friend and that you have an awkward habit of accidently staring off at people.


I think I should too, but methinks in person would be a bit too oncoming and thus awkward.

This is going to sound so lame, but do you think it'd be a good icebreaker if I just casually add her on Facebook?
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