[Happy Camper]

 
Quote:

A duck walks into a gas station

classic


 
Quote:

I don't get the joke. You're lucky I'm not your president or else I'd have you executed.

What joke might that be?
 
 
A magician was performing at the dinner party for the captain. His parrot was catching his tricks and tell the table, "it's up his sleeve, it's behind his back".
 
Well this was beginning to get the magician po'ed.
 
Without warning, the ship hits an iceberg and sinks.
 
The magician comes to on a piece of debris to see this parrot staring with all it's concentration on the other end.
 
"Well, this damned parrot isn't going to get the best of me" he says to himself and locks his stare on the parrot.
 
This goes on for three days til the parrot says "OK, I give up, where's the ship?"

 

[dj_mocok]

I was talking about the OP's joke.
I also didn't quite get your joke too. Lucky I'm not your presidente or else I'd have my minions execute you.
 
Quote:

 
classic


 

What joke might that be?
 
 
A magician was performing at the dinner party for the captain. His parrot was catching his tricks and tell the table, "it's up his sleeve, it's behind his back".
 
Well this was beginning to get the magician po'ed.
 
Without warning, the ship hits an iceberg and sinks.
 
The magician comes to on a piece of debris to see this parrot staring with all it's concentration on the other end.
 
"Well, this damned parrot isn't going to get the best of me" he says to himself and locks his stare on the parrot.
 
This goes on for three days til the parrot says "OK, I give up, where's the ship?"

 

[Uncle Erik]

A grasshopper goes into a bar and hops up onto a barstool.

The bartender comes over and says, "hey, this is great! We have a drink named after you!"

The grasshopper replies, "why would anyone name a drink Bob?"

 

[Happy Camper]

Quote:

I was talking about the OP's joke.
I also didn't quite get your joke too. Lucky I'm not your presidente or else I'd have my minions execute you.
 

 

Oh, a wise guy!!!! Ruff, ruff, nyuk, nyuk, nyuk

 

[Calexico]

Agreed haha.
 
Quote:

You sometimes need a buildup and some misdirection to maximize a bad pun. A one-liner just won't deliver the groans.

I liked it.

 

[dj_mocok]

Don't make me execute you, you infidel.
 
Quote:

Oh, a wise guy!!!! Ruff, ruff, nyuk, nyuk, nyuk

 

[Canuck57]

 
Quote:

A grasshopper goes into a bar and hops up onto a barstool.

The bartender comes over and says, "hey, this is great! We have a drink named after you!"

The grasshopper replies, "why would anyone name a drink Bob?"

almost spit my morning coffee out! good one!

 
 

 

[Albedo]

A farmer heard that the mother in law would come by for a quick visit. 
He immediately shouted to his wife:
There will be no display of any enthusiasm!
He then went out with the dog to the woodshed and cut his tail off.

 

[Exediron]

What's the difference between a party of intrepid explorers in an unforgiving land and a single, hungry cannibal?
 
Time.

 

[Canuck57]

 
The last couple posters don't get it....Uncle Erik we need some more groaners!

 

[10068]

What's the difference between a party of intrepid explorers in an unforgiving land and a single, hungry cannibal?
 
Time.

Nice.  Salud!
 
 

I thought jokes like that were tabouli

If this is a pun, I don't get it

 
 

I hated it! Give me back my 30 seconds!

 
No but really, I did hate it.

 
 

Three pieces of string walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer, but the barman says, "We don't serve string here."

So the second one tries and is turned away in the same way.

The third piece of string lies down on the ground, rolls around, gets itself all frayed and tangled up, then goes and orders a beer.

The barman, by now exasperated, demands, "Look, are you a piece of string?"

And the string replies, "No, I’m a frayed knot."

Classic one.  My dad used to tell this all the time.
 
 

Do you know what a redneck divorce and a tornado have in common?
 
Someone is going to lose a trailer.

 

I near snorted right in the middle of my history lecture.

What are you doing reading stuff like this at school?  Slacker.  I hope you fail your class.  srslylol  >:-[

 

 
 
"My dog's got no nose!"
 
"How does it smell?
 
"Awful!"
 
Monthy Python's Funniest Joke In the world...
 

<3  Flying Circus.  Gotta love those zany Brits!

 

I don't get the joke. You're lucky I'm not your president or else I'd have you executed.

Don't make me execute you, you infidel.

NO POLITICS ON THIS FORUM LOLLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL! KTHXBYE LOL
 

 

[10068]

Quote:

Uncle Erik we need some more groaners!

That's what she said

 

[ilney]

Win! 

Quote:

A guy goes into a bar with a suitcase.
 
He orders a drink.  Then he opens up the suitcase, pulls out a tiny piano and a little man, a foot tall, jumps out of the suitcase and starts playing the tiny piano.
 
A guy sitting on the next stool says, "that's amazing!  How did you come across the little piano player?"
 
The man with the suitcase responds, "well, I was walking along the beach, came across a lantern, rubbed it, and a genie came out who granted me one wish."
 
The guy on the stool says, "you used your wish to get a little guy who plays the piano?"
 
The man with the suitcase responds, "the genie misunderstood me.  He thought I asked for a 12 inch pianist."

 

[10068]

A priest, monk and mormon minister walk into a bar.  The bartender says, "What is this, some kind of joke?"

 

[hembergler]

Be warned: terrible math/science jokes below.
 
A neutron walks into a bar. He orders a drink and asks how much it'll be. The bartender looks at him and replies, "For you? No charge."
 
What do you call a tooth in a glass of water? One molar solution.
 
What's the difference between a math major and a pizza? A pizza can feed a family.
 
Heisenberg is driving down the freeway when he gets pulled over by a policeman. The cop goes up to him and asks, "Do you know how fast you were going!?" Heisenberg replies meekly, "No... but I know where I was!"
 
A mathematician, poet and priest are debating whether a wife or mistress is superior. The priests argues for having a wife as love should be sanctified by God. The poet counters by saying that love is spontaneous and free, so a mistress is better. The mathematician thinks deeply and decides, "I think I'd like to have both. That way, when each of them thinks I'm with the other, I could do some math."
 
Every mathematical function is at a party (it's a very big party). Everyone is having fun except for lonely e^x over in the corner. Concerned, ln(x) walks over to him and says, "Hey e^x, you're a cool guy, why don't you integrate yourself with the rest of us?" e^x bursts out crying and sobs, "But it wouldn't matter!!"
 
A physicist, a biologist and a mathematician are watching an empty house. After some time a man and woman walk by and enter. A few minutes later, three people leave! The biologist is delighted and yells out, "They multiplied, they multiplied!" The physicist is puzzles and proclaims, "We must have made a mistake in our initial measurements!" He's so concerned he starts to run toward the house to see how he made such a crucial mistake. As he's about to enter the mathematician tackles him and cries, "Stop! If you go inside you'll disappear!" *
 
*Because there was -1 persons inside. Haha...haha.....ha.....
 
 
 
 
Okay I think that's enough embarrassing myself right now. I love bad joke threads.