[wakeride74]

Quote:

Originally Posted by perplex i mean has anyone used those dating sites and actually met up in real?

Yes, my brother and his GF met on Match and have been together 2yrs and getting married next year.

My aunt and her BF met on AOL and have been together 6yrs... not sure if they will tie the knott but they bought a home together and he moved here (CA) from SD after coming out to meet her only one time! We all thought they were freakin crazy but we were all proven wrong

 

[Snake]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tuberoller You know,you just seem to get so many conflicting signals from women. I mean do they just want sex or do they wanna a real realtionship,What?. My ex calls and wants to come by to "watch the Bears game". Yeah right. She wants sex but just won't come out and say it. Why divorce me and then keep coming back for the goods? Then Vikki calls several times while the game is on(knowing I'm sitting here watching the game, enjoying myself) asking to stop by. I am so stinkin' confused right now.

Because you don't understand the rules. For the man the point of the game is the kill – using what you have. For a woman the point of the game is the hunt - the acquisition of the target. Woman are like cats, men are like dogs. Dogs just want to rip into it and get it over with, then gorge themselves. Women want the set up, the hunt, the careful pacing and prowling.

The mating dance. The ritual.

You are seeing this now, in your (ex) wife. She can continue the hunt, on the edge of the pounce, while teasing you on the edge of the savanna.

Rather like a lion and a lioness, for example.

She got what she wanted, and continue to get what she wants. Men are silly enough to do it, too. She got your love, your commitment, your protection - and now that you are divorced, she got half your goods, the remembrance of her conquest and the continuation of same.

Win-win for her, and there's nothing like men because they continue to come back for more as long as their little heads continue to do a lot of their thinking

Because, after all, how many men will say "No" to a "free" offer of sex??

...A good woman knows her power. It gets flexed a lot more than most men think it does - because most men think they are in control, the Leader of the Pack. When, in reality, most men can be played like a Las Vegas casino.

The secret is, not to end up with frayed card edges.

 

[chrisfromalbany]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Snake Because you don't understand the rules. For the man the point of the game is the kill – using what you have. For a woman the point of the game is the hunt - the acquisition of the target. Woman are like cats, men are like dogs. Dogs just want to rip into it and get it over with, then gorge themselves. Women want the set up, the hunt, the careful pacing and prowling. The mating dance. The ritual.

Interesting idea, but generally, there are some common tendencies with women and men but trying to figure out what is going on in someone head is impossible.

I would read there actions and plan your actions accordingly if the action was something I desired. Basically I would play the game and try to win. Whatever win may be. Get her back, short term gain, ect. All people play some degree of games just a question as to how much.

 

[perplex]

Quote:

Originally Posted by chrisfromalbany yes... (dating sites) yes.. (20+ meet people) yes.. (? done stuff) I will say the like the sales forum here.. most want to see pics.. and if the products aren't in good shape, the selling price isn't as high as expected. So get good pictures of yourself before even starting the online thing. Remember to post a few of them and personally I never meet someone who can't produce a pic. But then again, I generally wont talk to someone unless they have a few pics. Generally meet in a public place and only for coffee or a drink. In general the first 5 minutes you will know if are second date. Well first 30 seconds for some. Being in general, like the sales forum here are alot of low ballers..

please tell me you dont show them your avatar? HAHAHAHAHA

 

[chrisfromalbany]

Quote:

Originally Posted by perplex please tell me you dont show them your avatar? HAHAHAHAHA

no no I don't use my avatar..(Kevin from Sin City)

I don’t believe you need to see a member to be a member here. I generally don’t go into the topic of how I look because it isn't important for this forum. And is why I kind of went with "Elijah Wood" character of Kevin for my avatar. You really don't get a good look at Kevin in the movie but judge him by his actions. That is way I would like to be treated. I am a dark and mysterious character. Maybe it is my alter ego or maybe I just liked the character in the movie.

Yea I have many real pictures for my match profile and I do ok… lol.

Like my headphones.. my tennis.. or my working out.. I am pretty serious.

 

[Snake]

Yeah, you're serious but, well, that might be part of the problem. Many women do NOT judge a man by what he does in that manner. A woman doesn't care if someone is serious is their sport, or they work out religiously. Hell, neither do most men when they meet a woman. They want to know what's there for them. Are you geniunely interesting, or a complete bore because all you can talk about is the fact that you have a .30 ERA? Will you be honest with your attentions and beautiful as a person or simply so esctatic over the fact that the new AMD 64 is coming out that it takes up most of your thinking day?

If people want someone special in their lives you have to give the other person a real person to fall for. The honest problem is that too many people just don't have a life outside of their sphere, in that I mean they have some interests, a job and a hobby and that's their "life". They look for a soulmate to fit nicely into the sliced-out section that they left for this purpose, and constantly wonder how come finding someone is so damn difficult? Soulmate, a la carte. "Can I have a side of gravy with that order of wife?"

It's probably just me but I've met far too many people who just go on and on about things, themselves, their job, their hobbies, their money, their success...yack yack yack. The people I've kept around are more than those things.

 

[perplex]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Snake Yeah, you're serious but, well, that might be part of the problem. Many women do NOT judge a man by what he does in that manner. A woman doesn't care if someone is serious is their sport, or they work out religiously. Hell, neither do most men when they meet a woman. They want to know what's there for them. Are you geniunely interesting, or a complete bore because all you can talk about is the fact that you have a .30 ERA? Will you be honest with your attentions and beautiful as a person or simply so esctatic over the fact that the new AMD 64 is coming out that it takes up most of your thinking day? If people want someone special in their lives you have to give the other person a real person to fall for. The honest problem is that too many people just don't have a life outside of their sphere, in that I mean they have some interests, a job and a hobby and that's their "life". They look for a soulmate to fit nicely into the sliced-out section that they left for this purpose, and constantly wonder how come finding someone is so damn difficult? Soulmate, a la carte. "Can I have a side of gravy with that order of wife?" It's probably just me but I've met far too many people who just go on and on about things, themselves, their job, their hobbies, their money, their success...yack yack yack. The people I've kept around are more than those things.

but isnt having those few things as your "life" just being human? i dont quite understand what your saying

 

[daba]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Snake Yeah, you're serious but... [snip] ... The people I've kept around are more than those things.

Nice.

 

[DanG]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tuberoller You know,you just seem to get so many conflicting signals from women. I mean do they just want sex or do they wanna a real realtionship,What?. ... Do you guys see where I'm going with this? If everybody was honest I think this whole scene would be much easier,on us all.

I don't know if you want my perspective on this as I'm only 23, never married, never in a long-term relationship. But I think I have gotten pretty good at the dating game and at separating the sex girls from the keeper girls.

I used to think the whole dating game was just a stupid game and there was no real reason to do it aside from being expected to. It's not true. There seem to be, in my experience, many important underlying reasons why we go through this whole charade. Why we don't just come out and say what we want, why we don't tell our life story on a first or second date, why we need to stay a mystery for the girl and give out little tidbits slowly.

For an example I'll use a female friend of mine. She served in a co-ed light infantry unit at the same time as I was serving. She's not beautiful but she has a cute face and a huge bust without being fat. The Israeli guys were all over that and trying to ask her out. Now it doesn't help that she's a virgin and didn't want sex, but she would lose any guy she liked after like two or three dates. Why? Even though I tried hard to coach her on the dating thing (I wasn't interested in her) by telling her to just play it cool, not reveal inner secrets, etc., she would always make it too clear how she felt. She would say "I love you" and all sorts of stupid s*!t like that to a guy after they'd been together a little while. Even the pu**y kid that had probably never really dated before dropped her like a hot potato after a couple of weeks.

For one thing, people need to get used to each other for the little quirks to become cute little character traits and not irritating flaws that you can't stand. That's why we need to dress right, be well-groomed, and polite at dates and not reveal too much. The girl starts liking the masculine and superior man without any big problems and gets attached, and slowly as you get to know each other better, you can reveal things about yourself, talk about your problems openly with someone who's there to help you, not judge you.

It's just the way female psychology works. Though I know someone's going to get upset and scream at me for saying it, (normal) women take a little while to get attached but when they're attached to a masculine guy who can protect them, they don't want to just let go. But a guy needs to foster that kind of attachment slowly and carefully or else the woman gets scared off.

Same with women. They need to be pretty and damn near perfect at first or else most of us guys say "why bother" and look for someone else. I don't like girls that are easy so after I have sex or hook up with them the first time, nothing ever happens after that. Whenever I did go for something after that it always ended quickly (within a couple weeks). They need to be something we want to win and earn, not a pushover, or else we get the feeling we could be with someone better. That's just human psychology.

I remember you asked me if I was a "ladies man" over the phone when I was serving in Israel. I said no because I just don't get so much enjoyment out of screwing random women all the time. If I have sex with a woman I want it to be someone I really care about and who can share her concerns and problems with me and who'll listen when I have problems or when I want to brag about a song I just wrote or an A I just got (that's pretty rare though). When I'm still looking for a girlfriend (as in up until a week and a half ago) I'll have random sex once in a while because everyone needs it but realizing I'm not the king s*!t and I need to play by the same rules as everyone else helped me get on track to find the girl I'm dating now. She's not beautiful but she is attractive, she's smart, she loves the same music I do, and she sings better than any other girl I've met. And I only really noticed her when I decided to stop going only for the hottest girls on campus. A woman's interests are her most important trait because then you can connect and have something to talk about, but you can't have everything, so you have to compromise on something else. Like everything else in life. And funny enough, it's my dad who told me "you have to find a girl who listens to the music you like" back when I was 14 years old. Funny how much wiser the old man got in 9 years.

 

[Snake]

Quote:

Originally Posted by perplex but isnt having those few things as your "life" just being human? i dont quite understand what your saying

No, not really. A human should be much, much more than simply the input side of the equation. If all someone can speak of themselves, and think of themselves, is "this object, that activity, my job" then they haven't assembled the pieces of the accessible universe to create...themselves. They are only looking at the pieces that they feel "make" themselves, but not looking at themselves.

Wit, charm, grace, humor, interest, love, caring, concern, nurturing, fun to be with, fun to be around...those, and much much more, are things that the activities of your life do not bring to you. Those are the things that really make up you, the personality. The activities and objects you own and are involved with make up you, your life. Life does not = personality. The mistake of modern people is to think that it does. And then everyone wonders "How come it's so hard to find someone 'good'?" Because they subconsciously - or consciously, for some - want the aforementioned from their mate but lack the same to give back.

This is why everyone else says "But all the good people are taken!" Well, because they are. The "good" people - the people with the personality we all want, all want to love - find the other people with the same to give back to them...and hook up. Happily Ever After and all that.

If you want something - the ideal, great mate - you've got to be ready to return the favor. Probably in double doses, actually. Then being the kind of person you want to find in others attracts the type of person you've always been seeking. Hard truth, but that's the way it works.

 

[eyeteeth]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Snake ...A good woman knows her power. It gets flexed a lot more than most men think it does - because most men think they are in control, the Leader of the Pack. When, in reality, most men can be played like a Las Vegas casino.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Snake They look for a soulmate to fit nicely into the sliced-out section that they left for this purpose, and constantly wonder how come finding someone is so damn difficult? Soulmate, a la carte. "Can I have a side of gravy with that order of wife?" The people I've kept around are more than those things.

Classic Snake!

I've been fortunate in love. No guessing, no strategies.
I think I'm lucky in easily knowing who to avoid. The gestalt of who they are is quickly understood.
Some people are just so easy to like, easy to be with. Their presence is a pleasure.

 

[chia-pet]

I'm 22.

I've got this friend my age who tried eharmony. The thing is, 22-year-old males can't use eharmony, because 22-year-old females who can't get men use eharmony. My friend ended up going on a blind date with a 250 lb woman with a giant wart on her lip. She wouldn't send him a pic beforehand but guarenteed him that she was "hot" and that he "would not be disappointed." He was.

My notable dating history:

- White "Girlfriend" in the 5th grade, we played wallball together and held hands. Lasted until we graduated from elementary school, where we went to different middle schools and never saw each other again.
- Idealistic handholding athletic middle school cambodian/chinese gf, lasted a few months.
- Freaky white girlfriend with 34-cups who wanted to do everything in high school. Lasted 2.5 years!
- Boyish girl-next-door gf who was a sophomore in hs when I was a senior in hs. Summer romance, ended abruptly just before college started.
- Drunkard Jewish party girl. Enough said.
- Hot Mexican party girl, I was there for her when inconsiderate partiers accidentally broke her family picture frames.
- Crazy white trash, free-spirted, really psychologically messed up (molested) girl. Made her feel good, didn't last too long.
- Current intelligent, pre-law poli-sci/sociology double major, beautiful, vibrant, master chef mien/chinese gf. Met her multiple times, was drunk every time up until the 6th or 7th time. I had a huge crush on her and all her friends said she didnt like me, but she secretly did.

Anyway, moral of the dating history is: Go with what feels right. Chemistry between two people can't be foreseen or calculated, so stop looking for faults and just feel if you have chemistry!

 

[MD1032]

Meh, I can't do this stuff. I've been "single" my whole life, so at this point it seems like an impossibility to ask anyone out or anything. For one thing, I've created this image of myself that, to other people, would never entertain thoughts of dating, keeps to himself, etc. This is not the case and my friends know I'm a normal guy. But if I randomly started messing around with girls, I have a feeling it would damage or ruin some of the relationships I have with my friends. And guess what? They're more important anyway, so in conclusion, I'll stay single.

 

[utep10]

"This "dating" thing sucks....hard"

Nothing worthwhile is easy. These women that you speak of are probably going to make meeting the right one so special.

Thank your lucky stars that these women are showing you their warts and all, right now and not later. In time, someone special will come along.

Good luck to you.

 

[EricP]

Fred, you definitely don't have to (or WANT to) resort to online dating sites. I can say from extensive experience (I used to have no game whatsoever and even less self confidence) that 100% of the women I met via an online dating site were either (a) ugly (whoever it was whose friend couldn't get a picture, I literally laughed at his naievity) (b) crazy or (c) codependant. Or an unpleasant mixture of any or all of the above. Sounds like you're doing just fine on your own, and from the time I've spent with you, you definitely have game, so don't worry about it.