Hmm. Perhaps the simplest way to put it would be this: I've always wished I could be a creator instead of merely a consumer. But I don't have the talent for it. Aside from that there are........ other things that have always held me back. When every mole hill in your life feels like a mountain you don't climb any more than you absolutely have to. I really admire people who have aspirations and can actually act on them. I simply have no spare capacity for it, even if I wanted to.