[DanTheMiataMan]

So about 6 months ago My roommates and I started to house this 19 year old who had nowhere to live and no money. He sleeps on the floor in the living room behind a Big screen old 50" CRT that is converted into a Bar. He went jobless for around 3 months then finally got a job at WinCo (costco but only with food) pushing carts. After 2 months he was fired for showing up late to much. He showed up to his shift late 5 times in 60 days only working 30hr/wk.

The bad part is his job didnt start till Noon and it is a 15 minute bike ride away as he has no car. After that he claims he lost his last 400 dollar paycheck then left to a different town out of the blue for 10 days and hung out with "Friends". He then showed back up claims that he still never found the 400 dollars and that it must have been stolen at one of the parties we had as he left 400 in cash laying inside the Bar full of his stuff. So we let him back in but on very harsh rules of cant be home unless we are home (not often as we all go to school two grad students that are deep in projects on campus, me a normal student + work, and another who works 12-10.), no tv, no computer, etc etc...

So he finds another Job about 2 weeks ago and it is pumping gas at an Arco. He then "got hit by a car" is what he says but from what we can tell he ran into a car. Had to go to the doc and missed some work and his boss then cut his hours. A week later his boss was only giving him 10hr/wk. He went back this week to get paid and still only 10hr/wk when his boss told him he would get 30-40hr/wk when he was hired. So he tells his boss "More hours or I quit!" Boss said ok quit. So he did.

Now here he is again with 400 dollars in savings (what we have of his paychecks that he has given us to hold for him) no job and hasnt paid for anything for 6 months. Do we kick him out and let him live in a shelter to kinda understand that this is what happens when you F up after F up and nothing in life is free? Kinda stuck on this situation as I dont wanna kick some 19 year idiot into the streets as he has had a hard life (foster parents and all cus he was a child of the state) but nothing seems to get to this kid. Any ideas or thoughts from the gallery or anyone who has dealt with this would be helpful.

 

[TopPop]

^Gosh, that's a tough situation, man. I've been in similar before. It's sucky.

The thing is that it's pretty cold out right now, and you may be sending him to his death/sickness if there is no shelter available on very cold nights. It's a tough call.

What I've found to work well is to set restrictions and deadlines. You've already set one restriction, and stick by it. What about giving him a deadline? Something like, "You have until (date) to get a job, and another (time period) to find a cheap apartment." And you guys might even help him on the apartment end (you know, keep an eye out, find contacts, and such). We had a homeless girl that was living in our house for a few months, and we gave her restrictions/deadlines, and helped her find work and a place to live, and I'm happy to say that she still has the job and apartment, and is quite happy.

 

[NightOwl]

I admire your good heart and generosity. Unfortunately you're not really helping the young man. If you want to accept some responsibiliity for him, you can try to talk to him about accepting his responsibilities, but he probably won't get it. You can also advise him to seek counseling and offer to support him as a friend if he goes, because he needs it. Believe me, this route is a lot of time and emotional effort and above and beyond the call of duty. If this doesn't work, then you will have to send him out on his own. I know it sounds cruel, but the only way he will ever change is to be forced to accept responsibility for his own life. Right now all you are doing is enabling his behavior. He's quite comfortable with the staus quo and won't change anything unless he's forced to. Obviously this is bothering you enough to write an open letter on this forum. I guarantee you that it's not bothering him as much. He has to be placed in a position where he has to make a decision to improve his life or not. He's the only one that can do that and it's not easy, but life isn't easy.

 

[DanTheMiataMan]

Quote:

Originally Posted by TopPop /img/forum/go_quote.gif ^Gosh, that's a tough situation, man. I've been in similar before. It's sucky. The thing is that it's pretty cold out right now, and you may be sending him to his death/sickness if there is no shelter available on very cold nights. It's a tough call. What I've found to work well is to set restrictions and deadlines. You've already set one restriction, and stick by it. What about giving him a deadline? Something like, "You have until (date) to get a job, and another (time period) to find a cheap apartment." And you guys might even help him on the apartment end (you know, keep an eye out, find contacts, and such). We had a homeless girl that was living in our house for a few months, and we gave her restrictions/deadlines, and helped her find work and a place to live, and I'm happy to say that she still has the job and apartment, and is quite happy.

We gave him Deadlines and restrictions. He has still failed. This will be his 3rd deadline failure as it ends in 2 weeks and he needs 1000 to move into a place around here as it is a college town so first+last+deposit. Already found him a place to live. He failed his first deadline when he first moved we said 2 months after that we said another 2 months and in 2 weeks his thrid 2 months will be up. At 30-40hr/wk at 8.50/hr making 1k isnt hard when you have ZERO expenses other than 20wk for food. Yeah it is cold out but we would give him a tent and a sleeping bag. That or send him to a homeless shelter as they have some good ones in this area. It is still damn hard as he keeps trying but keeps failing epically.

 

[fatcat28037]

Idiot? This kid isn't an idiot, he's conned you into giving him a free ride for 6 months. I know the type, it's always someone else's fault, never his. You will not change him, throw him out for your own sanity. He's got to figure this out on his own.

 

[Uncle Erik]

Is he clean and sober? Any trouble with the law? Does he have a GED/High School Diploma?

If you can straighten him out on these things (if he isn't) pack him down to the nearest military recruiter. Philosophical differences aside, the Army, et al., also has plenty of need for cooks, truck mechanics and paper shovelers. Getting up late and/or missing work will not be an option. Further, peer pressure to get his feces together will be omnipresent. He'll get fed, medical, retirement, advancement opportunities, GI bill, and lots else. If he's simply irresponsible, this will likely fix it. There's every chance he'd come out in four years knowing how to work on a diesel engine, land a $40/hour job and do OK.

But this is just enabling his bad tendencies. I'd suggest pushing him into college, but it doesn't sound like he'd attend classes or turn in work.

And good for you to help out, even if it didn't always go to plan. But the military might be best. Or maybe something like the merchant marine service, or other sort of job with complete supervision by others.

 

[DanTheMiataMan]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Uncle Erik /img/forum/go_quote.gif Is he clean and sober? Any trouble with the law? Does he have a GED/High School Diploma? If you can straighten him out on these things (if he isn't) pack him down to the nearest military recruiter. Philosophical differences aside, the Army, et al., also has plenty of need for cooks, truck mechanics and paper shovelers. Getting up late and/or missing work will not be an option. Further, peer pressure to get his feces together will be omnipresent. He'll get fed, medical, retirement, advancement opportunities, GI bill, and lots else. If he's simply irresponsible, this will likely fix it. There's every chance he'd come out in four years knowing how to work on a diesel engine, land a $40/hour job and do OK. But this is just enabling his bad tendencies. I'd suggest pushing him into college, but it doesn't sound like he'd attend classes or turn in work. And good for you to help out, even if it didn't always go to plan. But the military might be best. Or maybe something like the merchant marine service, or other sort of job with complete supervision by others.

Funny you say that as we recently as a house were speaking about sending him to the AF or Coast Guard... for all those reasons you named... but didnt know if it was a jerk move or not...

 

[DanTheMiataMan]

So sadly we found him with drugs inside the house and we told him many times over the last six months no drugs and if you bring them in your out.

So now he is no longer living here.

 

[Maxvla]

Good. I'm an ass and wouldn't have let him stay after he was fired for not even showing up to a cupcake cart pushing job. Then he loses $400 while drunk at a party.. that's very responsible..

Military suggestion is good. If you still want to do anything for him you could drive him to a recruiter and drop him off and say GL, Cya.

 

[iareConfusE]

Throw him out, he is useless, and is a waste of life, tbh. Any 19 year old druggie who doesn't have the ability to keep a job at costco is just.... uggghhh so much fail I can't even describe. People like this don't even deserve to live, they're just stealing the air and resources from those who are capable of doing something with their lives.

I wouldn't have to be so brutally honest if the kid actually showed some form of effort, but obviously he doesn't, and he deserves his horrible, horrible fate.

 

[-=Germania=-]

Now you know where his money was disappearing to.

Recruiter it is .

That really is his best option since he has no money and no place to sleep in addition to no job. He needs a challenge and a reality shock in a new way. Counseling may help, but this could be too embedded. Time for some real tough love. I admire you for being this kind for so long.

I'll wish him the best as I am sure you do as well.

 

[TheMarchingMule]

Quote:

Originally Posted by DanTheMiataMan /img/forum/go_quote.gif So sadly we found him with drugs inside the house and we told him many times over the last six months no drugs and if you bring them in your out. So now he is no longer living here.

Good call! Just watch out for repercussions, since he does know where you live...probably just me being paranoid though.

 

[ronnielee54]

Quote:

Originally Posted by fatcat28037 /img/forum/go_quote.gif Idiot? This kid isn't an idiot, he's conned you into giving him a free ride for 6 months. I know the type, it's always someone else's fault, never his. You will not change him, throw him out for your own sanity. He's got to figure this out on his own.

Amen brother!

 

[kydsid]

Quote:

Originally Posted by DanTheMiataMan /img/forum/go_quote.gif So sadly we found him with drugs inside the house and we told him many times over the last six months no drugs and if you bring them in your out. So now he is no longer living here.

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheMarchingMule /img/forum/go_quote.gif Good call! Just watch out for repercussions, since he does know where you live...probably just me being paranoid though.

I applaud you for doing what you could to help this unfortunate soul. As someone who has heard stories like this in professional life many times I would advise you to change the locks on all your doors and securtiy alarm passcode, if you have one. It really isn't paranoia when dealing with people in altered drug induced states. I have seen people on drugs beat and steal the necklace off of their own mother to further the habit. So sad everytime.

 

[krmathis]

Just throw him out! Just a waste of time, energy and money...