[gratefulshrink]

This is a very interesting thread.

My view, for the most part, is that internet dating is just a means to an end. But the catch with dating is, was, and will always be, that people may go into a date with a different idea of what that "end" is. For some, it will be sex (although they may not admit it), others companionship, others exploration, others healing on the rebound, others more narcissitic crap, others shopping for a spouse to become a sugar daddy/momma, and still others looking for a co-parent to help with raising kids. The list goes on, and should be adjusted by age category and marital status, to some extent.

Now, I said "for the most part". Let's talk about the "means" side of the equation. How does internet dating differ from more "traditional" forms of dating, i.e, meeting at a bar or party, gettign fixed-up ("blind date"), meeting at some cultural/religious/political/social activity, etc.? As some have pointed out, and in my experience, it suffers with respect to losing that initial chemistry/attraction you get. Men and women may differ somewhat on this, but if either party is just not attracted at all, it saves a lot of time (emails, phone call) and build-up of anticipation if you know on one date that you will never go out again. OTOH, internet dating does allow you to screen for people with similar interests, and possibly agendas (if people are honest enough).

I dunno. I think it's mostly a practical thing. If you are not a single parent (male or female), and don't have a job with evening/weekend shifts, but do have access to bars, clubs, etc., as listed above, then I suppose the traditional dating route is a viable option. But what if you live in the burbs, are a single parent, and have demanding job? It's just too freakin' hard to meet a lot of available people.

I think internet dating is now just another way to date. It involves mastery of a different set of skills than traditional dating -- reading in-between the lines of a person's on-line profile, realizing that on-line photos can be much better (or worse) than the real thing, realizing that people "stretch the truth" in things as basic as age or legal-marital status.

I've been doing it now for about 4 months. I've had a lot of dates, met a lot of nice women, but no great realtionships yet. Only one disaster date (but I half-expected her to be whacko, anyway). I definitely talk on the phone before meeting (gotta hear their voice, you know), and that helps in my screening process.

My two cents.

 

[hYdrociTy]

Quote:

Originally Posted by JES /img/forum/go_quote.gif I find that the most interesting women do not internet date. Not only that, but they don't even have internet access, nor do they have an email address. Seriously. If a girl isn't internet-savy, it eliminates a whole nonsensical subject from a long list of potentially wasted dialog (like the weather). These girls are more focused on things like music (wow), their job, day-to-day life, their own appearance, etc. Instead of checking their email or updating their myspace, they go for walks or just "go out" ....... blah blah ...... , but knowing that a girl isn't "online" is a definite plus. ..... blah blah.....

HAY!

 

[JES]

Quote:

Originally Posted by JES /img/forum/go_quote.gif What's the OP's title? They're asking for opinions, experiences, advice, etc. Notice how my post starts: "I find". It's my experiences I'm speaking of. I suppose I should have said "I find that the most interesting women to me don't internet date". This being a forum full of opinions and such, I figure that people would understand that the statement was related to me. Regarding women not being allowed to be online, I never said anything of the sort. I did say that I find the more interesting ones aren't online. Again, "I". Only speaking for myself. Anything else off limits? I didn't put any limits on, unless you think that I was speaking directly to you. Irrational hang-ups? Can't find anyone? Whatever. I offered shared experience based on the OP's question. Yes, I tried internet dating, and didn't like it enough to never do it again. My prerogative. I'm not ashamed to admit that. Regarding Amish or jungle women, that's just silly. The examples of girls that come to my mind that I've met have been very physically fit, well read and excellent conversationalists, amongst other things. They're just not into internet dating or using the internet as heavily as others as a form of communication. "Funny how you're willing to meet girls in bars, as long as they don't use a computer. lol" Well, this is absolutely not what I said. Here's what I said: "I don't go into bars asking if a girl DOESN'T have an email address or anything like that". Did you read my post carefully? I knew that my post would stir things up a bit. But I really was amazed that I've met some very interesting women lately (interesting to me) who just don't bother with the internet. I wanted to share that. And iGig. Your last words regarding freaks is not necessary. It's offensive.

Quote:

Originally Posted by hYdrociTy /img/forum/go_quote.gif HAY!

Hey! Hay is for horses.

 

[lmilhan]

Quote:

Originally Posted by courierdriver /img/forum/go_quote.gif I'm still registered on a few dating websites, but to be truthful, I'd like to post an ad that reads like this: "Non-violent,muscular, well-groomed (and yummy-smelling), good-looking, 30-ish looking, 40-yr-old- male (desease-free) pot and cigarette-smoking, alcoholic; seeking a single, 25-37-yr-old female, fixed and desease free screw-buddy; with a slim to average build...with a height of 5'0-5'7, 100-150-lbs. Must live within 60-miles of my postal-code, in my own country". MUST adhere to the above requirements (no-exceptions), and expect no-commitments". Credit-cards NOT accepted...only Paypal, with balance/bank-account transfer...(not that I expect you or I to pay for mutual enjoyment)

And there is nothing saying that you can't put up a profile like that. Until you are honest with your profile, you simply will not be meeting the people you are (ultimately) interested in. Honesty is the way to go brother (assuming that was the point of this exercise - being honest).

As absurd as it may sound, I'd be willing to bet you would still get some responses to such a profile, and you never know - you might luck out, and find someone as bitter and fed up with the 'dating' scene as you are, and have a great 'pal' to spend some time with.

For me, the irony of this whole thread is that of the (many) women I have dated over the years the 'traditional' way were the ones who turned out to be the frootloops or 'psychos', not the ones I dated as a result of meeting on the internet. I used the internet as a tool to broaden my horizons in an attempt to meet more people, and improve my chances of finding someone who had maiximum compatibility with my beliefs, personality, outlook on life, etc. And it worked out for me. I certainly don't expect it to work for everyone, that's for certain. So the 'internet dating horror stories' I am hearing here don't surprise me at all, nor do the success stories.

1) The poeple who are in a happy, healthy relationship with people they met by using the internet as a tool to increase their chances of meeting a potential mate are bound to report a warm fuzzy story of their success.

2) The people who didn't luck out and are bitter because they got burned by people they met by using the internet as a tool to increase their chances of meeting a potential mate are bound to report a venomous and bitter story of their failed attempt, and have a grim outlook on 'internet dating'.

Such is the way of human nature - makes sense to me!

In the above two examples, feel free to substitue the 'internet' with any of the following: Church, Laundrymat, Supermarket, School, Work, The Subway, Bar, Club, Youth Group, or any of the other more 'traditional' places people try to meet each other, and guess what? It still makes sense!

For people who 'rag' on other people who have had success with meeting others through the internet, I could guess a number of reasons for such a reaction:

Ignorance: Only a very small percentage of people who use the internet are serial killers, sociopaths and Dateline pervert predators. Nice, normal, interesting and attractive people use the internet to, you know? And people who have had success meeting a mate through the internet are not necessarily 'losers'. Embrace the future people. Internet commerce is going to increase exponentially over the comming years, so you are either going to have to learn how to sink or swim. I remember many years ago that 'internet dating' was a taboo subject. Now as the years go by, that mentality is slowly but surely slipping away, as more and more people learn what a great tool the internet can be when used properly and in a responsible manner.


Bitterness: I was there once as well, so I can relate with this one. You have been lonely for far too long, due to a result of having your heart broken by someone. Women (or Men) suck, and you convince yourself that you will be happy for the rest of your life being alone. You want to smash the radio with a hammer when a love song comes on, and you could care lees that the birds are singing, and that the sun is out today. It kills you when you see people who are happy and in love. Little by little it eats at you, and due to human nature, you really want to rain on their parade; and so you do.


Bad internet dating expereince: I already covered this ground, see example 2 above.

Troll: You are just an internet troll, trying to get a rise out of people.

I am sure the list can go on and on.

In summary: Internet dating - works for some people, not for others. Same can be said for any relationship that ends badly, regardless of where or how you met the person. If you end up meeting the girl or guy of your dreams, I can't see why it matters at all as to where or how it is you met them. And the last thing I personally would ever do is belittle someone because they used a means to meet someone that I would never consider. If you met the girl of your dreams while attending a meeting for recovering heroin addicts, then God bless you. If you are a trash man and met the woman of your dreams while emptying her garbage into the truck - more power to you. If you meet a woman who later becomes your wife during a swingers 'key party'; who am I to judge? I could come up with a thousand more examples; "over the internet" just being one small star in a macrocosm of possibilities.

When I lived in florida, my mother was friends with a gay couple - a pair of really great people. The story on how they met - they were in a head-on car accident together. Fate is a very interesting and (often times) mysterious thing. If you meet "the right person", regardless of how or where, I say grab hold with both hands and never let go.

 

[Pm@c]

Quote:

Originally Posted by kool bubba ice /img/forum/go_quote.gif That is shallow thinking, but the point is well taken.. You just meet online & if you click you meet inperson.. Don't know why that would be stupid for you..People are people no matter where you meet them..Store..Street..On the phone..Bar..Church.. etc.. But because it's online it's all of a sudden weird.. & only weird & crazy people do that sort of thing..

Maybe its because the internet is safe haven for the crazy of the crazy. Anyone can go on the internet and be ANYBODY. If you meet them in person at least you know what they look like, and that they arent a 60 year old man posing as a 19 year old girl.

 

[Pm@c]

On another note, why dont we just eliminate the unneccessary middle step and just try to create "internet sex". That way we dont ever have to meet with the person online and can star an online family. Happy times on teh internetz.

 

[gratefulshrink]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pm@c /img/forum/go_quote.gif On another note, why dont we just eliminate the unneccessary middle step and just try to create "internet sex".

I believe that has been created already and is called "internet porrn".

 

[Pm@c]

I mean virtual sex.

 

[plainsong]

This isn't the best job backpeddling I've ever seen. If iGig was offensive to you, it's only because she was right, and that strikes a chord. I don't think she is, and I know I'm not, attacking you, just rather pointing out the flaw in your logic.

You're free to have your opinion of course, but we were just trying to point out that you're doing a good job of marking yourself off the list of many intelligent women. As that seems to be what you're after, then fine.

Quote:

Originally Posted by JES /img/forum/go_quote.gif What's the OP's title? They're asking for opinions, experiences, advice, etc. Notice how my post starts: "I find". It's my experiences I'm speaking of. I suppose I should have said "I find that the most interesting women to me don't internet date". This being a forum full of opinions and such, I figure that people would understand that the statement was related to me. Regarding women not being allowed to be online, I never said anything of the sort. I did say that I find the more interesting ones aren't online. Again, "I". Only speaking for myself. Anything else off limits? I didn't put any limits on, unless you think that I was speaking directly to you. Irrational hang-ups? Can't find anyone? Whatever. I offered shared experience based on the OP's question. Yes, I tried internet dating, and didn't like it enough to never do it again. My prerogative. I'm not ashamed to admit that. Regarding Amish or jungle women, that's just silly. The examples of girls that come to my mind that I've met have been very physically fit, well read and excellent conversationalists, amongst other things. They're just not into internet dating or using the internet as heavily as others as a form of communication. "Funny how you're willing to meet girls in bars, as long as they don't use a computer. lol" Well, this is absolutely not what I said. Here's what I said: "I don't go into bars asking if a girl DOESN'T have an email address or anything like that". Did you read my post carefully? I knew that my post would stir things up a bit. But I really was amazed that I've met some very interesting women lately (interesting to me) who just don't bother with the internet. I wanted to share that. And iGig. Your last words regarding freaks is not necessary. It's offensive.

 

[iGig]

Quote:

Originally Posted by JES /img/forum/go_quote.gif Regarding Amish or jungle women, that's just silly. The examples of girls that come to my mind that I've met have been very physically fit, well read and excellent conversationalists, amongst other things. They're just not into internet dating or using the internet as heavily as others as a form of communication. "Funny how you're willing to meet girls in bars, as long as they don't use a computer. lol" Well, this is absolutely not what I said. Here's what I said: "I don't go into bars asking if a girl DOESN'T have an email address or anything like that". Did you read my post carefully? I knew that my post would stir things up a bit. But I really was amazed that I've met some very interesting women lately (interesting to me) who just don't bother with the internet. I wanted to share that. And iGig. Your last words regarding freaks is not necessary. It's offensive.

Why would you get offended? I was agreeing with you that there's a lot of freaks out there. Did YOU read my post carefully?

You were a little cryptic on this part of your post:

Quote:

About five years ago. I ended up meeting a girl. An elementary school teacher. The internet completely mis-led me. Had I spoken five words to this girl face to face, I would have ran away. Suffice it to say, I escaped that "fate worse than death" and haven't tried the online thing again since.

I gather that when you met that girl you didn't talk to her directly, you just escaped a fate worse than death. Does this mean that you stood her up? Based on the way she looked?
Put yourself in her shoes and consider that she made arrangements to meet you, got ready, drove there and you didn't have he courtesy to talk to her? god forbid she may want to discuss the weather

THAT is very offensive, and that's why I think you provide a service by not internet dating and hurting other girls.

Of course the Amish and jungle girls bit is silly, it's just as ridiculous as stereotyping ALL women based on one experience.
There are MANY fit, educated and eloquent single females who use the internet, you just haven't met one yet and because you're being so closed minded you never will.
btw, all those things you said about females who are online apply to you as well.

Quote:

Originally Posted by courierdriver /img/forum/go_quote.gif I'd like to post an ad that reads like this: "Non-violent,muscular, well-groomed (and yummy-smelling), good-looking, 30-ish looking, 40-yr-old- male (desease-free) pot and cigarette-smoking, alcoholic; seeking a single, 25-37-yr-old female, fixed and desease free screw-buddy; with a slim to average build...with a height of 5'0-5'7, 100-150-lbs. Must live within 60-miles of my postal-code, in my own country". MUST adhere to the above requirements (no-exceptions), and expect no-commitments". Credit-cards NOT accepted...only Paypal, with balance/bank-account transfer...(not that I expect you or I to pay for mutual enjoyment)

Go for it! just take out the credit card and paypal part to avoid any misunderstandings. You never know, maybe some girl(s) are looking for the same thing. I've seen lots of ads that read that way (or even more expicit) and I'm sure they're getting responses.
In the mean time have another ad looking for a long term relationship, that way you can have some fun while you wait to meet Mrs. Right.

 

[plainsong]

Sadly though, I don't think you can search for a ***** buddy. IMO that's something that just happens. You have to have the trust there first, and you can't plan for that.

But yeah, it does sound like poor Courierdriver got played bigtime. At least you got a nice cat out of it though.

Amish Jungle Women - cue the **** music.

 

[JES]

Quote:

Originally Posted by plainsong /img/forum/go_quote.gif This isn't the best job backpeddling I've ever seen. If iGig was offensive to you, it's only because she was right, and that strikes a chord. I don't think she is, and I know I'm not, attacking you, just rather pointing out the flaw in your logic. You're free to have your opinion of course, but we were just trying to point out that you're doing a good job of marking yourself off the list of many intelligent women. As that seems to be what you're after, then fine.

Backpedaling? I pretty much stick to what I said. I only regret not being more specific in my statements originally. That they were my experiences as they apply to me.

I only found the last two sentences of iGig's post offensive. I took it that she called me a freak. There is a negative connotation to the word. Using it to describe a type of person is one thing. Calling someone that directly is another. The rest of her post is fine with me. That's her opinion.

As far as marking myself off a list, fine as well. If that perfect girl reads this thread and doesn't like what I said, oh well. I don't plan to use the internet to find the right woman. I don't want to discourage anyone from using the internet to find the right person, either. I only want to share what I've experienced, again addressing the OP's original question.

 

[JES]

Quote:

Originally Posted by iGig /img/forum/go_quote.gif Why would you get offended? I was agreeing with you that there's a lot of freaks out there. Did YOU read my post carefully? ... I gather that when you met that girl you didn't talk to her directly, you just escaped a fate worse than death. Does this mean that you stood her up? Based on the way she looked? Put yourself in her shoes and consider that she made arrangements to meet you, got ready, drove there and you didn't have he courtesy to talk to her? god forbid she may want to discuss the weather THAT is very offensive, and that's why I think you provide a service by not internet dating and hurting other girls. Of course the Amish and jungle girls bit is silly, it's just as ridiculous as stereotyping ALL women based on one experience. There are MANY fit, educated and eloquent single females who use the internet, you just haven't met one yet and because you're being so closed minded you never will. btw, all those things you said about females who are online apply to you as well ...

I read it carefully iGig. And I took offense to the last two sentences. You crossed a line there. The rest is fine.

Regarding the girl that I met online. We emailed back and forth a few times, then spoke on the phone at length. Then we decided to meet. My statement about speaking five words to her face to face was just that. I found her physically attractive while just looking at her, but how she spoke and her "mannerisms" were a total turnoff to me. Email and phone conversations could not have prepared me for this.

Stood her up? On the contrary, I met her at nice public place restaurant/bar on a Saturday night. Despite my misgivings at the end of the evening, I chalked it up to first night jitters on one or both parts.

We arranged to meet again. Again, the same turnoffs. So at the "proper" point in the evening, I told her that I didn't think it would work. I gave her the opportunity to let it go at that or to ask why. She asked why, and I told her. BTW, she had no problem with me paying for both sets of drinks and dinners.

**************
Now iGig, how in the hell do you know if I hurt this girl, or other girls. What makes you think that if I did choose to try internet dating again, I wouldn't be just as respectful of and courteous to the girl(s) as I was the first time? Again iGig, offensive statement. You can roll your eyes on that one, too.

I haven't stereotyped all women based upon one experience. I've determined that internet dating is not for me. And of late, I've met two very nice girls who don't have computers and aren't online. Ever. They have good jobs and support themselves well. They're not Amish and they're not from the jungle.

Again my point. I find that girls who aren't online are more attractive to me.

 

[iGig]

Quote:

Originally Posted by JES /img/forum/go_quote.gif I read it carefully iGig. And I took offense to the last two sentences. You crossed a line there. The rest is fine. Regarding the girl that I met online. We emailed back and forth a few times, then spoke on the phone at length. Then we decided to meet. My statement about speaking five words to her face to face was just that. I found her physically attractive while just looking at her, but how she spoke and her "mannerisms" were a total turnoff to me. Email and phone conversations could not have prepared me for this. Stood her up? On the contrary, I met her at nice public place restaurant/bar on a Saturday night. Despite my misgivings at the end of the evening, I chalked it up to first night jitters on one or both parts. We arranged to meet again. Again, the same turnoffs. So at the "proper" point in the evening, I told her that I didn't think it would work. I gave her the opportunity to let it go at that or to ask why. She asked why, and I told her. BTW, she had no problem with me paying for both sets of drinks and dinners. ************** Now iGig, how in the hell do you know if I hurt this girl, or other girls. What makes you think that if I did choose to try internet dating again, I wouldn't be just as respectful of and courteous to the girl(s) as I was the first time? Again iGig, offensive statement. You can roll your eyes on that one, too. I haven't stereotyped all women based upon one experience. I've determined that internet dating is not for me. And of late, I've met two very nice girls who don't have computers and aren't online. Ever. They have good jobs and support themselves well. They're not Amish and they're not from the jungle. Again my point. I find that girls who aren't online are more attractive to me.

Sounds to me like you're changing your tune, the way you describe this date is not what you implied on your first post.

Quote:

Originally Posted by plainsong /img/forum/go_quote.gif Amish Jungle Women - cue the **** music.

What do you mean cue the **** music? Samgotit's jungle bunny is doing ****?

I thought she was a nice austere girl and she turned out to be a hussy. She misled me and I feel betrayed. And she didn't even own a computer.

 

[plainsong]

Quote:

Originally Posted by iGig /img/forum/go_quote.gif Sounds to me like you're changing your tune, the way you describe this date is not what you implied on your first post. What do you mean cue the **** music? Samgotit's jungle bunny is doing ****? I thought she was a nice austere girl and she turned out to be a hussy. She misled me and I feel betrayed. And she didn't even own a computer.

Noooo, you know those Amish Jungle Women. They have that year of freedom where anything goes. *heavy guitar wah peddle*

Just remember girls, if you want to snag and keep JES, HIDE YOUR EMAIL ADDRESSES! When asked about the internet, twirl your hair with your finger, and say "One time my computer became unplugged, and I had to hurry and plug it back in before all the internet leaked out!"