[Zanth]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ecclesand /img/forum/go_quote.gif One of the thoughts that gets me thru each day is knowing that at some point, they too will have children and I'll get to spoil them rotten and return them. Vindictive? Me? Nah....

My father-in-law does this to us now. It is horrible

My wife is quite headstrong and although not high maintenance in terms of material goods etc, she is quite demanding of me in other ways. She was like this growing up I guess, not as bad as my daughter is demonstrating now, but close enough to resemble the traits and I get the warnings constantly from her dad. He tries to spoil our kids to get back at her, never outright maliciously but certainly he is enjoying grandfatherhood a whole lot more than he ever did fatherhood.

From anyone I speak with regarding the typical behaviour of boys and girls, our daughter doesn't break the mold there, which is both comforting and downright terrifying.

My son may be quite a bit more docile than other boys mainly because he has mostly interacted with girls who generally are more reserved when playing, they are not as rough etc, but thankfully he hasn't picked up any of the girls' skills of the trade (emotional blackmail, manipulation etc - holding out on kisses until she gets something, refusing to eat what is in front of her just to get what she wants and if she wins, she will then eat what we originally wanted her to eat anyway, etc).

Our son is certainly no saint, but he is a complete walk in the park compared to our daughter. Although he doesn't suffer from autism, he certainly seems to do better with a very structured routine. My wife has stayed home with him since day one and has been able to provide that structure for him. Wake time: 7 am, breakfast by 7:30, playtime from 8:00-9:30, snack at 9:30, 10:00 story time, 10:30 arts and crafts, 11:30 quiet time before lunch etc.

It is remarkable how he will act up particularly on weekends when the routine is usually not adhered to. If we attempt to maintain something close to this on weekends, his behaviour is right back to normal. Our daughter just goes with the flow, which is in a lot of ways great when we need to break routine. She is as happy with the structure as she is with the carefree saturdays out with her parents.

 

[juniperlater]

Quote:

Originally Posted by nor_spoon /img/forum/go_quote.gif The first three months are hell on earth! Then, it gets worse

Not always. My daughter slept 4 hours per night at two weeks, then 6 at five weeks, then 8 at eight weeks. Now - seven months later, she sleeps 11 hours per night.

A few things: Have fun! It is too easy to get bogged down with the work that you have to do. It can be SO MUCH FUN! Another one, listen to music with your kid - especially music you think you can both like. My daughter likes that new Duffy album a lot and so do I. She has her own iPod that we use for naptime and it is loaded with stuff I like - Jose Gonzalez, Cat Power, Rosie Thomas, Dusty Springfield, etc. I think this kind of thinking is going to save me from Barney-type music.

Again, remember to have fun.

 

[riceboy]

Hey Justin. Congratulations on your upcoming role as being a daddy. My experience began over 3 years ago. We were expecting a boy and like you I love to listen to music and played World of Warcraft every night. Things have changed since then, I gave up playing WOW, and had to consolidate my listening time when our son came along. For the first couple of months it was tough as sleep was precious and having time to yourself wasn't all that common. But as the months went by and he started to become a lot more aware and interactive it became a lot of fun. Now he's at the stage of putting sentences together and he is realizing a lot of new things and doing new things everyday. As Kramer, Zanth and others have put it having a child is a joy. When they give you a hug as you come through the door after a long day at work you are reminded that it is all worth it. Overall everyone here has given you great advice. I agree that Mom's knows best and really knows what is going on and we are their to help. It's like they are Batman and we are Robin

. Also, it will be a lot of work initially in the first months, but it gets easier as time goes on and more fun IMO.

In regards to you planning on having more music, I think that was an fantastic idea to have music in each room. Sweet deal

. Other than that every child is different so as far as planning out something, I would just throw that out the window as the new boss is the baby

. They will determine when you get to nap, sleep, rest, eat, use the restroom (just kidding). But seriously I found myself doing something and just dropping it as the baby gets up and needs to be changed or needs to be fed.

With saying that, I would just say that I wouldn't trade being a daddy or parent for the world. It is an awe inspiring experience and it grounds me in a good way. My son reminds me or all that is good in the world. I wouldn't trade that for anything. I'm very happy for you and your wife. Once again congratulations and I wish you and your family the best

.

 

[acidbasement]

Hey man, congrats!
My first son is seven months old, and what a wild ride it has been! Everyone's experience is different. At first neither my wife nor I felt a super strong bond with the boy, which was not what either of us expected. I think what mainly developed the bond was the fact that we, like all parents, had to care for him 24/7 - it sinks in pretty quick that nobody else is there to do it for you, and if you want the baby to survive, you've got to put in hours all around the clock! You can't put that much work into any project without developing a strong bond of love. Then his personality became apparent over time, and we got into various ever-changing routines. Believe me, it is a lot of sacrifice (don't ask me when I last played my drums), but it is ALL GOOD! As a biologist, you will be floored by all the developmental stuff that happens seemingly overnight.

But back to your questions. I think the main thing to keep in mind is that Mom can't do it all by herself. There is a lot of laundry, baby entertainment, diaper changing, putting to bed, midnight feeding, and the list goes on, in addition to all the other things that keep a household running. The biggest thing you will realize is that everything you try to do will take twice to three times as long, because it will be interrupted by something more pressing. Help out where you can and your wife will thank you, even if it is a mostly implicit thanks

Another suggestion I have is to share in the sleep deprivation. I know a lot of new fathers who let the mother do all the getting up in the night, probably because they feel like they have to maintain a standard of performance at work that would suffer were they to sleep less. My experience is that everyone at work understands that new fathers are going to look like bags of dog-doo and have rough days. I think my helping out at night really helped our son transition into a desirable sleep schedule - he figured out that if I was the one who changed his diaper and comforted him at 2:00 am, then there was no way he was going to get food at 2:00 am (once he was a few months old anyway - newborns need food much more frequently), so why wake up at 2:00 am in the first place? Now, at 7 months old, he is sleeping for 11-13 hours straight, because he knows there's no point in waking up for food any earlier than 6 am. My brother has a baby the same age, and he does not help out at night - his baby still wakes up every two hours for food!

If you want reading material, two books we found helpful are "The baby whisperer solves all your problems" and "The diaper-free baby" (I think that's what it's called anyway).

Good luck!

ps. When she goes into labour, brew some coffee and put it in a vacuum bottle before you go to the hospital. You will want that coffee after the baby is born and your wife is asleep!

 

[Zanth]

Quote:

Originally Posted by acidbasement /img/forum/go_quote.gif ps. When she goes into labour, brew some coffee and put it in a vacuum bottle before you go to the hospital. You will want that coffee after the baby is born and your wife is asleep!

AWESOME advice. No one told me that the mother gets to sleep while the daddy is straight away on duty! My son came into this world in a pretty rough way. After the C-section, my wife was given some sweet pain killers and off to la la land she went. We had not been given our private room yet, so I was relegated to using a hard wood chair to sit in while the nurse turned to me and told me that it would be best if I held my son instead of him lying in his bed (he had been in an incubator for most of that day). I sat and held him until 5 am. I had been up for 50 hours at that point give or take a few. No one is going to give proud poppa an injection of morphine so mainline that coffee when no one is looking!

IF you are given the option of holding your daughter while your wife sleeps, DO IT! Not only is this a perfect time to just relax and stare at your child (they sleep for most of the first day or so of their life, traveling through that birth canal is hard work!) but it is also a great way to bond with her too, because for the next while, if your wife breast feeds, the baby will be latched to her and you will be on house chore duty. Get the diapers, get the cream, make me lunch, make me supper, prepare the bath...etc etc.

My daughter was born in the early morning and my wife, having missed the opporunity to be with our son after the birth because she was in ICU and then not being allowed to hold the baby for too long because of the dopey drugs she was on, she really wanted to take advantage of her good fitness after our daughter was born and she hogged her something good

I didn't get real alone time with her until she was maybe 10 days old. I could have if I had pushed for it, but I knew this was something my wife needed for herself. But I sure missed it!

 

[92135011]

Remember that your relationship with your wife is just as important than with your kid. Some people say it's all about the kids, but really one of the biggest determinant of health is marital wellness. Marital discord is terrible for children. Go on your dates and vacations if you can. Don't lose the fire

 

[rocdoc]

Congratulations! It's only hard for the first 18 years or so, after that it's a breeze...

 

[Jaska]

It all started so long ago for me... A little girl 10 years ago, a boy almost 8 years ago, and then Mr. 11-month-old.

Looking back on the whole experience of becoming a father, I would say that it really helped me as a person in some way, or at least had a profound effect on me, to have a girl as my first child. It really required me to look at the world in another way, and it all came so naturally as she grew right into my world and my life.

I wasn't ready to give up any of my hobbies when my daughter was born, and remember times when I would work all day, study at night, spend some time with my wife and the baby, and then go and play hockey until 2 or 3 A.M. I kept this up for quite a long time until finally shaping my interests and activities to those that kept me involved at home a lot more.

The one thing that's always been the most challenging for me as a father is dealing with the fact that I often have so much work to do that I don't get home until after the baby has gone to bed (this applies to babies #1 and #3). The next day, I can clearly tell that he's missed me terribly and he sort of waits for me to be around a while before he decides it's alright to show me some love by clawing and scratching my face and neck as usual (he greatly enjoys that for some reason). I try to restrict my headphone listening to times like now when the kids are sleeping, as every minute spent on personal hobbies is a minute I could be spending with them. This puts me on a crazy sleeping schedule, but it's worth it to me.

I think you're going to be fine as long as you're willing to give everything you can of yourself to your family. You may never know how much your wife and your child appreciate it, but rest assured they will.

 

[Solan]

My wife has a picture where she caught me red-handed. Our firstborn, less than half a year old, sleeping on my arms as I am in front of my laptop - online! Baby girl later taught me a lesson by gulping on my keyboard, and laptop keyboards are notoriously expensive, especially for Macs.

I've improved since then, but it's really only experience that can bring that about.

Congratulations on your baby! You will wake up one day and realize that the absolutely most beautiful music available is available to you in the ultimate hi-fi: live from your baby's mouth. Enjoy it!

 

[RYCeT]

Get a good camera, possibly a dslr w/ 35mm 2.0 or 50mm 1.8
Take as much pics as you can, you won't regret it.

 

[Jussei]

Hey everyone, just checking back in and I'm really touched by all of the responses.
Thanks again everyone for your words of congratulations and kindness.
You guys really are the best and I appreciate this all! I'm really sorry that I can't respond to all that have replied. Again, the time and thoughtfulness of many of these posts has not only eased my mind on some situations I was concerned with but has made me even more excited for this little girl to arrive than I was before.

Also, RYCeT: A camera/camcorder were high on my list immediately after we found out we were pregnant. I've recently picked up a Sony A700 DSLR with a decent lens. I also got a Canon HV20 HDV camcorder (actually I bought this camcorder solely based on suggestions from members here).
I've had religiously taken pictures of my wife's stomach, everyday for the first 2 of so months, but we've cut it down to 2 to 3 times a week now. I intend to put together a slide show at the end.
I'm a media junkie, so this baby is offering me great photo & video opportunities as well!!

 

[kramer5150]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jussei /img/forum/go_quote.gif Hey everyone, just checking back in and I'm really touched by all of the responses. Thanks again everyone for your words of congratulations and kindness. You guys really are the best and I appreciate this all! I'm really sorry that I can't respond to all that have replied. Again, the time and thoughtfulness of many of these posts has not only eased my mind on some situations I was concerned with but has made me even more excited for this little girl to arrive than I was before. Also, RYCeT: A camera/camcorder were high on my list immediately after we found out we were pregnant. I've recently picked up a Sony A700 DSLR with a decent lens. I also got a Canon HV20 HDV camcorder (actually I bought this camcorder solely based on suggestions from members here). I've had religiously taken pictures of my wife's stomach, everyday for the first 2 of so months, but we've cut it down to 2 to 3 times a week now. I intend to put together a slide show at the end. I'm a media junkie, so this baby is offering me great photo & video opportunities as well!!

Cool... Yeah, I bought a jvc mini-DV cassette based cam corder when my son was born and we used it all the time. That one eventually died after a year so I bought another JVC, that one did after 3 weeks (no kidding!!). I returned it back and am currently using a Panasonic. Its smaller, decently good vid quality, and best of all it was only $300. Stock up on cassettes and just shoot away!!

Heres some of my commentary on baby-items we have bought or received as gifts...

Diaper Genie- My cousin offered to give us his old one. It seemed a little cumbersome and overly complicated to re-load the proprietary ($$$) bags. Lots of moving parts... no thanks We passed on it.

Diaper Champ- NICE!!! Similar concept as a Diaper Genie but MUCH simpler. It uses ordinary kitchen garbage bags (cheap), and the thing is sealed tight so the funky smells don't get out. We used this thing a LOT at night. During the day though, its simple enough to go out to the trash-can outside. You have to wash it every week though.

Exercize Saucer- Pretty good investment. Keeps the kid occupied, entertained and really develops his hand/eye/foot...body coordination. Takes up a LOT of space though.

Bumpkins bibs- THE holy Grail of baby-bibs!!! SERIOUSLY... if you retain only ONE thing from this entire thread... remember BUMPKINS bibs. They are as perfect a bib as we have found. light, waterproof, machine washable, EXTREMELY durable. Blot them dry with a towel and hang them in the sun and they dry completely in about 15-30 minutes. We have some bibs that are 3+ years old and still going strong. They make full-length upper body suits too for those really messy kids. They work great when the kids start teething too, they really keep the collar and neck area dry from drool.

Baby bijorn- Another WONDERFUL baby product. My son didn't like it much, but thats because hes squirmy and hyper. My daughter on the other hand would eat, sleep, burp in that thing. We'd do EVERYTHING together in that little sling. They are expensive new, but they usually go for around $20 used on ebay. We bought two (new & used), one for my parents and one for us. In hindsight used would have been smarter.

Jogging stroller- Nice, but not a must have. I'm NOT an avid runner, however I still found it useful taking them on day hikes on the dirt trails. The bicycle tires and hand brakes make for a pleasant journey.

Scented lotions and soaps- watch out!!! They are a magnet for honey bees and yellow jackets, especially for baby girls who are dressed in bright colors. We used Aquafor brand lotions. They are non-alergenic, my daughter has sensitive skin... and unscented to keep the bees away.

Toilet paper roll- More of a safety thing. If you have small "stuff" around the house watch out!! the baby will eat it. We use a toilet paper roll as a measuring tool. If the object is small enough to fit in a TP roll, then its TOO small to be left around the house. Put it away or at least out of reach of the kid.

Diaper changing table- Nice addition to any nursery. It places the kid at a more optimal height for you to stand comfortably doing diaper duties. Sure a bed will suffice, but if you're tall your lower back will eventually suffer. We still use it on my 3 YO who wears over night diapers to sleep.

Flashlights, flashlights, flashlights!!!- keep one in every room. EDC one in your pocket at all times. They wake up so frequently in the middle of the night, and you don't want to wake up your already exhausted wife with the room light. I used 2AA mini-maglight with a 3-LED night-ize drop in module. GREAT run time, its a comfortable 9 Lumens and bright enough to see by, without waking up the whole house. Theres a 2AAA River Rock brand light sold at Target for $9 that would also be a great choice.

Wristwatch, one with GOOD night-time visibility, and water resistance. Casio G-shocks are my favs. They are sweat, water, piss, drool, puke, milk and shock proof... thats all you need. I found the count-down timer, stop watch and multiple alarm features very useful. Kids and babies LOVE routine and schedule. Keep them on a RIGID feeding / sleeping schedule and they are happy and pleasant. An accurate timepiece with some good night-time illumination will go a long way. I also have a Citizen Aqualand that has some nice glow in the dark accents.

Robbees (sp?)- These are little leather shoe-like slipper things that you can slip on their feet to help keep their socks clean when you're out and about. Stylish, comfortable, easy to slip on... perfect!! Beats the heck out of trying to tie those tiny little shoe laces while they are squirming all over the place.

Mustela- Branded butt cream. Its a white pasty stuff that really kills diaper rash better than anything we have tried.

Hmm,,, thats all I can think of...

 

[snejk]

This got to be one of the best threads I have read here at headfi in a great while. My wife is in week 38 now so our (first) baby might come any day now. Exciting to say the least!

Thanks for all the well-written advice about care and thoughts on how your life changes after you have children in it. It sure makes me even more eager to meet this new person!

 

[santiclaws]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jussei /img/forum/go_quote.gif Also, RYCeT: A camera/camcorder were high on my list immediately after we found out we were pregnant. I've recently picked up a Sony A700 DSLR with a decent lens. I also got a Canon HV20 HDV camcorder (actually I bought this camcorder solely based on suggestions from members here). I've had religiously taken pictures of my wife's stomach, everyday for the first 2 of so months, but we've cut it down to 2 to 3 times a week now. I intend to put together a slide show at the end. I'm a media junkie, so this baby is offering me great photo & video opportunities as well!!

Great choice of camera! I have a KM 7D myself, which has captured many thousands of images of the little monkeys. I created a slide show after the first year, which I gave away on DVD's at their first birthday party. As you can imagine, it was a huge hit with the Grandparents. Picked up a videocam too, a Panasonic, which is a great little gadget but in all honesty doesn't get all that much use - I'm more of a camera guy.

 

[santiclaws]

Quote:

Originally Posted by snejk /img/forum/go_quote.gif This got to be one of the best threads I have read here at headfi in a great while. My wife is in week 38 now so our (first) baby might come any day now. Exciting to say the least! Thanks for all the well-written advice about care and thoughts on how your life changes after you have children in it. It sure makes me even more eager to meet this new person!

Congratulations!! Yes, your life as you know it is over, never to return. While I miss many of the aspects of the life I used to have, I wouldn't trade my new life for anything in the world.