[wink]

 
Quote:

Fixed that for you.  

Well, where is it?
 
I hope you're not JOKING..........

 

[Lazarus Short]

I don't think I'll explain my last joke to you all, as you have obviously not eaten there before, either. 

 

[Confispect]

Quote:

I don't think I'll explain my last joke to you all, as you have obviously not eaten there before, either. 

LMMMAAAOOOO, 
 
I know you not thinking what your thinking your talking about, wow i'm going to puke now. 

 

 

[Lazarus Short]

Quote:

LMMMAAAOOOO, 
 
I know you not thinking what your thinking your talking about, wow i'm going to puke now. 

 

So what do you think I thought I was thinking about?

 

[wink]

 
[size=12pt]These are to get you in the mood for the white elephant joke when it finally appears......[/size]

[size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]With what words would you scold an elephant?[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]Tusk, tusk![/size][size=12pt] [/size]
[size=12pt]A man went into a restaurant and sat down. [/size]

[size=12pt]He was looking around when he noticed a sign on the wall. It read If you ask for something and we can't serve it to you , we will pay you £100.[/size]

[size=12pt] The man thought a while about this and when the waiter came for his order he aid,
"I'd like Elephants ears on toast please.[/size]

[size=12pt]"Brown or white toast sir?" The waiter asked.
The man smiled, sure that there was no way they could serve him elephants ears on toast,
"White toast please." The man sat and waited. Eventually the waiter came back and handed
him £100. The man smiled, "I knew you'd have to pay me the £100 "He said.[/size]

[size=12pt]"Yes sir", replied the waiter. "I'm afraid we've run out of bread!"[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt] [/size]
[size=12pt]What do you get if an elephant sits on your friend?[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]A flat mate![/size][size=12pt] [/size]
[size=12pt] [/size][size=12pt]Why do elephants live in the jungle?[/size][size=12pt] [/size]
[size=12pt]They're too big to live in the house.[/size][size=12pt] [/size]
[size=12pt] [/size][size=12pt]How do you get rid of a white elephant?[/size][size=12pt] [/size]
[size=12pt]Put it in a jumbo sale.[/size][size=12pt] [/size]
[size=12pt]Why do elephants have big ears?[/size][size=12pt] [/size]
[size=12pt]Because Noddy wouldn't pay the ransom.[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt] [/size][size=12pt]What do you get if you cross a goldfish with an elephant?[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]Swimming trunks.[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]Why couldn't the elephants go swimming?[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]They only had one pair of trunks between them![/size]

[size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]What's worse than an elephant on water skis?[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]A porcupine on the rubber life raft.[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]How do you stop an elephant going through the eye of a needle?[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]Tie a knot in his tail.[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]Where is the elephants favourite place to holiday?[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]Tuscany.[/size]

[size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]What do you give an exhausted elephant?[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]Trunkquillizers.[/size]

[size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]How do you know if there's an elephant in your bed?[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]By the "E" on his pyjamas.[/size]

[size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]What do you call a dead elephant?[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]Anything you like he can't hear you![/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence?[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]Time to get a new one.[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]What should you do if an elephant charges?[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]Pay and run![/size]

[size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]Why do elephants live in zoos?[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]Because its cheaper than renting a house.[/size]

[size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]What's the biggest ant in the world?[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]Eleph-ant.[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]Why did the elephant paint himself in rainbow colours.[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]He wanted to hide in the crayon box.[/size]

[size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]When do elephants have 8 feet?[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]When there are two of them.[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]What's the difference between an Indian elephant and an African elephant?[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]About 3,000 miles.[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]How do elephants dive into the swimming pool?[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]Head first.[/size]

[size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]What did the hotel manager say to the elephant who couldn't pay his bill?[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]Pack your trunk and move out.[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]Which side of an elephant has the most skin?[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]The outside.[/size]

[size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]Why don't elephants eat penguins?[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]Because they can't get the wrappers off![/size]

[size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]How many giraffes can you fit into a car?[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]Four, two in the front and two in the back.[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]How many elephants can you fit in a car?[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]None, its already full of giraffes![/size]

[size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]Why do elephants have such big trunks?[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]They have to travel all the way from Africa.[/size]

[size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]What did the river say when the elephant sat in it?[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]Well I'll be damned![/size]

[size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]Why can't an elephant ride a bicycle?[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]Because he doesn't have a thumb to reach the bell.[/size]

[size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]How can you tell there is an elephant in the fridge?[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]You can't shut the door.[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]How can you tell an elephant has been in your fridge?[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]Footprints in the butter![/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]Why did the elephant cross the road?[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]It was the chickens day off![/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]What's big, wrinkled and green?[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]An unripe elephant![/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]How can you tell there's an elephant under the bed?[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]Your nose touches the ceiling![/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]Why do elephants have trunks?[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]Because they'd look silly with handbags![/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]How do you get an elephant into the car?[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]Open the door.[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]How do you know an elephants come for tea?[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]His tricycle is parked outside.[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]Elephant trainer: My elephant just swallowed a camera![/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]Vet: Don't worry sir, nothing will develop.[/size]

[size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]What is the difference between a lemon and a white elephant ?[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]The Lemon is yellow.[/size]

[size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]What's big and grey and mutters?[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]A mumbo Jumbo.[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]What do you get if you cross a kangaroo with an elephant?[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]Great big holes all over Australia.[/size]

[size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]What's big red and hides in a bush?[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]An embarrassed elephant.[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]Why do elephants lie down?[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]They can't lie up.[/size]

[size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]What's grey, has wings, a magic wand and a trunk?[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]The tusk fairy.[/size]

[size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]Jack: Have a peanut.[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]Jill: No thanks they're fattening.[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]Jack: Fattening?[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]Jill: Yes. Have you ever seen a skinny elephant?[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]Why did the big game hunter give up hunting elephants?[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]He got tired of carrying the decoys.[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]What do you get if you cross an elephant with a canary?[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]A messy cage![/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]What was the elephant doing on the motorway?[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]About five miles an hour![/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]What's the difference between a flea and an elephant?[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]An elephant can have fleas but a flea can't have elephants![/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]How does an elephant get down from a tree?[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]He sits on a leaf and wait till autumn.[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on him?[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]Nothing he just let out a little wine.[/size]

[size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]Why is an elephant big, grey and wrinkled?[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]Because if it were small, fluffy and yellow it would be a canary.[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]Why did the elephant tie a knot in his trunk?[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]So he wouldn't forget.[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]What's big, grey, heavy and has 16 wheels?[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]An elephant on roller skates![/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]Where are elephants found?[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]They're so big they're hardly ever lost![/size]

[size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]What do elephants play when they are in the car?[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]Squash.[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]What do you call an elephant in a phone box?[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]Stuck.[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]What do you call an elephant that flies?[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]A jumbo jet.[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]Which takes less time to get ready for a trip, a rooster or an elephant?[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]A Rooster, he only takes his comb.[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]What do you call an elephant who is only three feet high?[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]Trunkated![/size]

[size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]What do you give an elephant with big feet.[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]Big flippers.[/size]

[size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]What's big and grey and loves curry?[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]An Indian elephant.[/size]

[size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]What do you get if you cross an elephant and a mouse?[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]Huge holes in the skirting board.[/size]

[size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]How do you know when an elephant is about to charge?[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]He takes out his credit cards.[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]Why did the elephant wear red shoes?[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]His blue ones were at the menders![/size]

[size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]What's a jumbo jet?[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]A flying elephant.[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]Can an elephant jump higher than a lamp-post?[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]Yes. A lamp-post can't jump.[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]How do you get an elephant into a matchbox?[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]Take the matches out first.[/size]

[size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]Why did the elephant quit working for the circus?[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]He was tired of working for peanuts.[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]Why do elephants paint the soles of their feet yellow?[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]So they can hide upside down in the custard.[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]How did little miss muffet die?[/size]

[size=12pt]Eating a bowl of custard.[/size]

[size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]Why do elephants have red eyes?[/size]

[size=12pt]So they can hide in cherry trees.[/size]

[size=12pt]Have you ever seen an elephant hiding in a cherry tree?[/size]

[size=12pt]See how good they hide.![/size]

[size=12pt]How did Tarzan die?[/size]

[size=12pt]Picking cherries.[/size]

[size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]How do you know if an elephant has been in your bed?[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]It's full of shelled peanuts.[/size]

[size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]Why didn't the elephant cross the road.[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]He didn't want to be mistaken for a chicken.[/size]

[size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]Why did the elephant paint his head yellow?[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]To see if  blondes had more fun.[/size]

[size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]What do you get if you cross a loaf of bread with an elephant?[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]A sandwich that will never forget?[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]What's big, grey, very very heavy and wears glass slippers?[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]Cinderellaphant.[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]Why are elephants grey?[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]So they can't be mistaken for strawberries.[/size]

[size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]What has two tails, two trunks and five legs?[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]An elephant with spare parts.[/size]

[size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]Why shouldn't you dance with an elephant?[/size][size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]Because you'd end up with flat feet.[/size]

[size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]Q[/size][size=12pt]: How do you shoot a blue elephant?[/size]

[size=12pt]A[/size][size=12pt]: With a blue elephant gun.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q[/size][size=12pt]: How do you shoot a yellow elephant?[/size]

[size=12pt]A[/size][size=12pt]: Have you ever seen a yellow elephant?[/size]

[size=12pt]Q[/size][size=12pt]: How do you shoot a red elephant?[/size]

[size=12pt]A[/size][size=12pt]: Hold his trunk shut until he turns blue, and then shoot him with the blue elephant gun.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: How do you shoot a purple elephant?[/size]

[size=12pt]A[/size][size=12pt]: Paint him red, hold his trunk shut until he turns blue, and then shoot him with the blue elephant gun.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q[/size][size=12pt]: How many elephants will fit into a Mini?[/size]

[size=12pt]A[/size][size=12pt]: Four: Two in the front, two in the back.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q[/size][size=12pt]: How many giraffes will fit into a Mini?[/size]

[size=12pt]A[/size][size=12pt]: None. It's full of elephants.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q[/size][size=12pt]: How do you get two whales in a Mini?[/size]

[size=12pt]A[/size][size=12pt]: Along the M4 and across the Severn Bridge.[1][/size]

[size=12pt]Q[/size][size=12pt]: How do you know there are two elephants in your refrigerator?[/size]

[size=12pt]A[/size][size=12pt]: You can hear giggling when the light goes out.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q[/size][size=12pt]: How do you know there are three elephants in your refrigerator?[/size]

[size=12pt]A[/size][size=12pt]: You can't close the door.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q[/size][size=12pt]: How do you know there are four elephants in your refrigerator?[/size]

[size=12pt]A[/size][size=12pt]: There's an empty Mini parked outside.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q[/size][size=12pt]: What do elephants have that nothing else has?[/size]

[size=12pt]A[/size][size=12pt]: Baby elephants.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q[/size][size=12pt]: What is gray, has four legs, and a trunk?[/size]

[size=12pt]A[/size][size=12pt]: A mouse going on vacation.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q[/size][size=12pt]: What is brown, has four legs, and a trunk?[/size]

[size=12pt]A[/size][size=12pt]: A mouse coming back from vacation.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q[/size][size=12pt]: What has eight legs, two trunks, four eyes, and two tails?[/size]

[size=12pt]A[/size][size=12pt]: Two elephants.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q[/size][size=12pt]: Why is an elephant big, grey and wrinkly?[/size]

[size=12pt]A[/size][size=12pt]: Because if it was small, white and hard it would be an aspirin.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q[/size][size=12pt]: Why are golf balls small and white?[/size]

[size=12pt]A[/size][size=12pt]: Because if they were big and grey they would be elephants.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q[/size][size=12pt]: What's the difference between an elephant and a plum?[/size]

[size=12pt]A[/size][size=12pt]: Their colour.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q[/size][size=12pt]: What did Tarzan say to Jane when he saw the elephants coming?[/size]

[size=12pt]A[/size][size=12pt]: Here come the elephants.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q[/size][size=12pt]: What did Jane say to Tarzan when she saw the elephants coming?[/size]

[size=12pt]A[/size][size=12pt]: Here come the plums; she was colour blind.[/size]

[size=12pt]How do you make instant elephant?[/size]

[size=12pt]Open the package, add water, and run!

[/size]

[size=12pt]If you took away an elephants trunk how would it smell?[/size]

[size=12pt]Trunk or no trunk it would still smell pretty bad!

[/size]

[size=12pt]What time is it when ten elephants are chasing you?[/size]

[size=12pt]Ten after one!

[/size]

[size=12pt]What cheers you up when you are sick?[/size]

[size=12pt]A Get Wellephant card.

[/size]

[size=12pt]What weighs 5,000 lbs and wears glass slippers?[/size]

[size=12pt]Cinderelephant. [/size]

[size=12pt]What do elephants do for laughs?[/size]

[size=12pt]They tell people jokes. [/size]

[size=12pt]Why do elephants wear red toenail polish?[/size]

[size=12pt]Oops, sorry, no polish jokes allowed. [/size]

[size=12pt]Why do elephants paint their toenails red?[/size]

[size=12pt]So they can hide in a strawberry patch. [/size]

[size=12pt]What game do elephants like to play most?[/size]

[size=12pt]Squash. [/size]

[size=12pt]Why do elephants hide in strawberry patches?[/size]

[size=12pt]So they can jump out and stomp on people. [/size]

[size=12pt]Why do elephants stomp on people?[/size]

[size=12pt]That is how they play squash. [/size]

[size=12pt]Why did the elephant cross the road?[/size]

[size=12pt]To squash the chicken on the other side!
What is large and gray and goes around and around in circles?[/size]

[size=12pt]An elephant stuck in a revolving door. [/size]

[size=12pt]An elephant with spare parts. [/size]

[size=12pt]What did the cat say to the elephant?[/size]

[size=12pt]Meow. [/size]

[size=12pt]What did the grape say to the elephant?[/size]

[size=12pt]Nothing, grapes can't talk. [/size]

[size=12pt]What's the difference between eating an elephant or peanut butter?[/size]

[size=12pt]Elephant doesn't stick to the roof of your mouth. [/size]

[size=12pt]How do you stop a charging elephant?[/size]

[size=12pt]Take away its credit cards. [/size]

[size=12pt]If you see an elephant in your car, what time is it?[/size]

[size=12pt]Time to get a new car. [/size]

[size=12pt]Why do elephants have grey skin?[/size]

[size=12pt]To keep their insides together. [/size]

[size=12pt]What should you do to a blue elephant?[/size]

[size=12pt]Cheer it up. [/size]

[size=12pt]What should you do to a green elephant?[/size]

[size=12pt]Wait until it gets ripe. [/size]

[size=12pt]What should you do to a red elephant?[/size]

[size=12pt]Quit telling it dirty jokes. [/size]

[size=12pt]What should you do to a yellow elephant?[/size]

[size=12pt]Try to teach it to be brave. [/size]

[size=12pt]What should you do to a white elephant?[/size]

[size=12pt]Hold its nose until it turns blue.

[/size]

[size=12pt]How do you get down off an elephant?[/size]

[size=12pt]You don't, you get down off of a goose. [/size]

[size=12pt]Who is the most famous male singing elephant?[/size]

[size=12pt]Harry Elephante. [/size]

[size=12pt]Who is the most famous female singing elephant?[/size]

[size=12pt]Elephants Gerald. [/size]

[size=12pt]Why do elephants wear blue tennis shoes?[/size][size=12pt][/size]

[size=12pt]Because the white ones always get dirty. [/size]

[size=12pt]Why do elephants float in the river upside-down?[/size][size=12pt][/size]

[size=12pt]To keep their blue tennis shoes from getting wet. [/size]

[size=12pt]How do you get an elephant up an oak tree? [/size][size=12pt][/size]

[size=12pt]Sit it down on an acorn and wait 50 years. [/size]

[size=12pt]How do you get an elephant out of an oak tree?[/size][size=12pt][/size]

[size=12pt]Just wait till the leaves start to drop. [/size]

[size=12pt]Why do ducks have flat feet?[/size][size=12pt][/size]

[size=12pt]For stamping out forest fires. [/size]

[size=12pt]Why do elephants have flat feet?[/size][size=12pt][/size]

[size=12pt]For stamping out flaming ducks. [/size]

[size=12pt]Why do giraffes have long necks?[/size][size=12pt][/size]

[size=12pt]For spitting on burning elephants. [/size]

[size=12pt]How are an elephant and a banana just alike?[/size][size=12pt][/size]

[size=12pt]They are both yellow . . . . uh . . . . Except for the elephant, of course. [/size]

[size=12pt]What did Tarzan say when he saw a herd of elephants coming over the hill?[/size][size=12pt][/size]

[size=12pt]Look! A herd of elephants coming over the hill! [/size]

[size=12pt]What did Tarzan say when he saw a herd of elephants wearing sunglasses coming over the hill?[/size][size=12pt][/size]

[size=12pt]Nothing. He didn't recognize them. [/size]

[size=12pt]What did Jane say when she saw a herd of elephants coming over the hill?[/size][size=12pt][/size]

[size=12pt]Look! A bunch of bananas coming over the hill!
(Jane was color-blind.) [/size]

[size=12pt]Why do elephants travel in herds?[/size][size=12pt][/size]

[size=12pt]Because if they traveled in flocks, it would confuse the sheepdogs. [/size]

[size=12pt]Why do elephants walk on four feet?[/size][size=12pt][/size]

[size=12pt]Because if they flew, you could never keep your car clean. [/size]

[size=12pt]Why did the elephant paint the bottom of his feet yellow?[/size][size=12pt][/size]

[size=12pt]So he could hide upsidedown in a bowl of custard.
(Have you ever seen an elepahnt in your bowl of custard?) [/size]

[size=12pt]How do you get three elephants in a taxi?[/size][size=12pt][/size]

[size=12pt]One in the front next to the driver, and two in the back. [/size]

[size=12pt]How do you know there is an elephant in your house?[/size][size=12pt][/size]

[size=12pt]There's a taxi outside with two impatient elephants. [/size]

[size=12pt]How do you know there is an elephant in your refrigerator?[/size][size=12pt][/size]

[size=12pt]There's a taxi outside it with two impatient elephants. [/size]

[size=12pt]And what if you don't notice the taxi?[/size][size=12pt][/size]

[size=12pt]There are footprints in the butter. [/size]

[size=12pt]How do you get an elephant into the refrigerator?[/size][size=12pt][/size]

[size=12pt]Open the door, put in the elephant, close the door. [/size]

[size=12pt]How do you get two elephants in the refrigerator?[/size][size=12pt][/size]

[size=12pt]Open the door, put in the first elephant, then put in the second elephant, then close the door. [/size]

[size=12pt]How do you get six elephants in the refrigerator?[/size][size=12pt][/size]

[size=12pt]Put three elephants in a taxi, put three elephants in another taxi, then put the two taxis in the fridge. [/size]

[size=12pt]Why are there so many elephants running loose in Africa?[/size][size=12pt][/size]

[size=12pt]Not enough refrigerators. [/size]

[size=12pt]Why are elephants large, grey, and wrinkled?[/size][size=12pt][/size]

[size=12pt]Because if they were small, white, and smooth they would be aspirins. [/size]

[size=12pt]How do you kill a blue elephant?[/size][size=12pt][/size]

[size=12pt]Shoot it with a blue elephant gun. [/size]

[size=12pt]How do you kill a red elephant?[/size][size=12pt][/size]

[size=12pt]Strangle it till it turns blue, then shoot it with a blue elephant gun. [/size]

[size=12pt]How do you kill a yellow elephant?[/size][size=12pt][/size]

[size=12pt]What are you talking about? There are no yellow elephants! [/size]

[size=12pt]How to catch a white elephant: Go to an place where there are white elephants. Bring with you a muffin (with raisins). Climb a tree. When the white elephant is close, drop the muffin (with raisins) in front of it. The white elephant will be happy, and eat the muffin (with raisins). White elephants like muffins (with raisins). Repeat this procedure for five days in a row. After the fifth day, the white elephant will be used to its daily muffin (with raisins). The sixth day you climb the tree, bringing with you a muffin (without raisins). Drop the muffin (without raisins) as usual. When the white elephant finds out that the muffin (without raisins) lacks rasins, it will darken in anger. And then you catch it the same way you catch an ordinary grey elephant.[/size][size=12pt][/size]

[size=12pt]Why did the elephant cross the road?[/size][size=12pt][/size]

[size=12pt]He was riding with the chicken. [/size]

[size=12pt]How do you kill a blue elephant?
With a blue elephant gun. [/size]

[size=12pt]How do you kill a white elephant?
With a white elephant gun. [/size]

[size=12pt]How do kill a pink elephant?
Hold its nose until it turns blue and shoot it with a blue elephant gun.
Why do elephants wear blue sneakers?
Because the red ones are in the laundry. [/size]

[size=12pt]Why do elephants wear green sneakers?
So they can hide in the grass.
Why do elephants hide in the grass?
To trip ants as they walk by.
Why do elephants climb trees?
To try out their new sneakers.
What's the difference between a plum and an elephant?
Their color.
What did one elephant say to the other?
Nothing, elephants can't talk.
Why do elephants lie with their feet up?
To trip low-flying canaries.
What's the similarity between a plum and an elephant?
They're both purple, except for the elephant.
Why did the elephant wear sunglasses?
It didn't want to be recognized.
Why did the grape wear sunglasses?
It wanted to be an elephant.
What did Jane say when she saw the elephants coming over the hill wearing sunglasses?
Nothing, she thought they were grapes.
Why can't elephants hitchhike?
They don't have thumbs.
How do you know when there's an elephant in your bathtub?
You can smell the peanuts on its breath.
Why do elephants paint their toenails red?
To hide in cherry trees.
Why shouldn't you go in the forest between 2 and 4 in the afternoon?
Because that's when the elephants jump out of the cherry trees.
Why are pygmies so short?
They were in the jungle between 2 and 4 in the afternoon.
What do you find between an elephant's toes?
Slow running natives.
Why do elephants have long toenails?
To pick their trunks.
How does an elephant get in a tree?
It hides in an acorn and waits for a squirrel to carry it up.
How does an elephant get down from a tree?
It sits on a leaf and waits for the wind to carry it down.
Why did the elephant climb the tree?
To get in its nest.
How do elephants get in trees?
They parachute from airplanes.
Why did the elephant fall out of the tree?
The hippo pushed it out.
Why do elephants wear glasses?
To make sure they don't step on other elephants.
How do you get an elephant out of a box of Jell-O?
Follow the directions on the back.
Why did the elephant lie on its back with its feet up in the water?
So you wouldn't think it was a bar of ivory soap.
What's gray and white and red all over?
An embarrassed elephant.
What's red and white on the outside and gray on the inside?
An inside-out elephant.
Why do elephants wear sneakers when they jump from tree to tree?
They don't want to wake the neighbors.
How many elephants can fit into a VW bug?
4-- 2 in the front, 2 in the back
How do you know if there's an elephant in your house?
There's a footprint in the Jell-O.
How do you know if there are 2 elephants in your house?
There are 2 footprints in the Jell-O.
How do you know if there are 3 elephants in your house?
There are 3 footprints in the Jell-O.
How do you know if there are 4 elephants in your house?
There's a VW bug parked in the garage.
Why does an elephant have a trunk?
To hide itself when it sees a mouse.
Why do elephants have teeth?
To chew their toenails.
Why do elephants have toenails?
To have something to chew.
What's the difference between a boy elephant and a girl elephant?
One sings bass, the other sings soprano.
Why do girl elephants wear angora sweaters?
So you can tell them apart from boy elephants.
Why are elephants gray?
So you wouldn't think they were bluebirds.
Why are elephants trumpeters?
Because it's too hard to learn the piano.[/size]
 

[size=12pt]There was an old man in France who used to get up every morning at five A.M. He would then go and sprinkle a white powder on the roads.
When he was asked what he was sprinkling on the roads, he answered that it was elephant powder.
The person then remarked "But everybody knows that there are no elephants in France!" to which he answered "I guess it must be working then!"[/size]

[size=12pt]It was a boring Sunday afternoon in the jungle so the Elephants decided to challenge the Ants to a game of soccer. The game was going well with the Elephants beating the Ants ten goals to nil, when the Ants gained posession.
The Ants' star player was dribbling the ball towards the Elephants' goal when the Elephants' left back came lumbering towards him. The elephant trod on the little ant, killing him instantly.
The referee stopped the game. "What the hell do you think you're doing? Do you call that sportsmanship, killing another player?"
The elephant replied, "Well, I didn't mean to kill him -- I was just trying to trip him up."[/size]
 

[size=12pt]It says in a book that more than 6000 elephants go each year to make piano keys!
Isn't it amazing what elephants can be trained to do!?[/size]
 

[size=12pt]There was this tiger, who woke up one morning, and just felt great (yes, just like Tony the Tiger: GREAAAAAAT).
Anyway, he just felt so good, he went out and cornered a small monkey and roared at him:
"WHO IS THE MIGHTIEST OF ALL THE JUNGLE ANIMALS?"
And this poor quaking little monkey replied:
"You are of course, no one is mightier than you."
A little while later this tiger confronts a deer, and just bellows out:
"WHO IS THE GREATEST AND STRONGEST OF ALL THE JUNGLE ANIMALS?"
The deer is shaking so hard it can barely speak, but manages to stammer:
"Oh great tiger, you are by far the mightiest animal in the jungle."
The tiger, being on a roll, swaggered, up to an elephant that was quietly munching on some weeds, and roared at the top of his voice:
"WHO IS THE MIGHTIEST OF ALL THE ANIMALS IN THE JUNGLE?"
Well, this elephant grabs the tiger with his trunk, picks him up, slams him down; picks him up again, and shakes him until the tiger is just a blur of orange and black; and finally throws him violently into a nearby tree.
The tiger staggers to his feet and looks at the elephant and says:
"Man, just because you don't know the answer, you don't have to get so angry."[/size]

[size=12pt]A woman went to see a psychiatrist and complained, "Doctor, my husband thinks he's a magician."
"What's so bad about that?" the shrink asked.
"We're being sued. A week ago my husband shoved a girl into a trunk and sawed it in half."
"The girl's family is suing you?" the psychiatrist asked.
"No, the circus," the woman replied. "The elephant bled to death."[/size]
 

[size=12pt]My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.[/size]

[size=12pt]An Elephant; A Mouse built to government specifications.[/size]
 

[size=12pt]An elephant is a mouse with an operating system.[/size]

[size=12pt]Two elephants fell off a cliff. Boom Boom.[/size]
 

[size=12pt]Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Elephants.
Elephants who?
Ella Fintzgerald![/size]
 

[size=12pt]Q: How is an elephant like an apricot?
A: They are both gray. Well, except the apricot.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: How can you tell if an elephant is in the refrigerator?
A: The door won’t shut.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: How can you tell if an elephant has been in the refrigerator earlier?
A: Footprints in the butter.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: How do you get an elephant into the fridge in the first place?
A: Open door; Insert elephant; Close door.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: How do you get a giraffe into the fridge?
A: Open door; Remove elephant; Insert giraffe; Close door.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: What’s the difference between a dozen eggs and an elephant?
A: If you don’t know, I’m sure not going to send you to the store for a dozen eggs![/size]

[size=12pt]Q: What the difference between a herd of elephants and a bunch of grapes?
A: Grapes are purple, elephants are gray.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: How do you stop a charging elephant?
A: Take away his credit card.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: What did Tarzan say when the elephants charged?
A: “Look out, here come the elephants!”[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: What did Tarzan say when he saw a herd of elephants in the distance?
A: “Look, a herd of elephants in the distance!”[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: What did Tarzan say when he saw a herd of elephants with sunglasses?
A: Nothing. He didn’t recognize them.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: What did Tarzan say when he saw a herd of giraffes in the distance?
A: “Haha! You fooled me once with those disguises, but not this time!”[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: What did Jane say when she saw a herd of elephants in the distance?
A: “Look! A herd of grapes in the distance!” [Jane is color blind.][/size]

[size=12pt]Q: Why are pygmies so short?
A: They listened to Jane, and looked at the plums.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: How do you get down from an elephant?
A: You don’t! You get down from a goose.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: How does an elephant get down from a tree?
A: He doesn’t! Even elephants know you get down from a goose![/size]

[size=12pt]Q: Oh, all right. How do elephants get out of trees?
A: They float down on the leaves between 4pm and 6pm.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: What do you call an elephant that rides a bus?
A: A passenger.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: Why don’t African elephants like to play cards?
A: Because of all the cheetahs.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: Why do elephants wear sandals?
A: So that they don’t sink in the sand.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: Why do ostriches stick their head in the ground?
A: They’re looking for the elephants that forgot to wear their sandals.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: What did the peanut say to the elephant?
A: Nothing: peanuts can’t talk.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: Why did the elephant fall out of the tree?
A₁: She slipped.
A₂: She was dead.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: Why did the second elephant fall out of the tree?
A: He was glued to the first one.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: Why did the third elephant fall out of the tree?
A: He thought it was a game.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: Why did the fourth elephant fall out of the tree?
A: Because when his mother asked “If all your friends jumped out of a tree, would you?”, he said “Yes!”[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: Why did the tree fall down?
A: It thought it was an elephant.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: Why did the elephant stand on the marshmallow?
A: So he wouldn’t fall into the hot chocolate.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: What do you know when you see three elephants walking down the street wearing pink sweatshirts?
A: They’re all on the same team.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: What do you call an elephant with a machine gun?
A: “Sir”.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: What do you call an elephant wearing pink earmuffs and a dress?
A: Anything you want: it can’t hear you.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: Why do elephants drink so much?
A: To try to forget.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: What’s gray, yellow, gray, yellow, gray, yellow, gray, yellow … ?
A: An elephant rolling down a hill with a daisy in its mouth.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: What’s gray, yellow, gray, yellow, THUMP, gray, black, blue, gray, black, blue … ?
A: An elephant rolling down a hill with a daisy in its mouth, that hit a rock.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: What’s gray and puts out forest fires?
A: Smokey The Elephant.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: What do you get when you cross elephants with peanut butter?
A₁: Elephants that stick to the roof of your mouth.
A₂: Elephants that spread easily.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: Why did the elephant wear red sneakers?
A: So he could hide in the apple tree.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: Why do elephants paint their toenails red?
A: To hide in cherry trees.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: Why do elephants hide in cherry trees?
A: So they can jump out and stomp on people.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: How did Tarzan die?
A: Picking cherries.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: What kind of elephants live at the North Pole?
A: Cold ones.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: What’s convenient and weighs 20,000 pounds?
A: An elephant six-pack.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: How do elephants talk to each other?
A: By ‘elephone.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: Why do elephants have cracks between their toes?
A: For carrying their library cards.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: What’s gray, has large wings, a long nose, and gives money to elephants?
A: The Tusk Fairy.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: Where do elephants with skin problems go?
A: Pachydermatologists.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhinoceros?
A: Eliphino _(Hell-if-I-Know)_[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: What’s the difference between an elephant and a piece of paper?
A: You can’t make a paper airplane out of an elephant.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: How do you make an elephant float?
A: Take two scoops of ice cream, some soda, and one elephant.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: How can you tell if there’s an elephant in the ice cream shop?
A: His bike is outside.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: How can you tell if there are two elephants in the ice cream shop?
A: There’s a dent in the cross-bar.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: How can you tell if there are three elephants in the ice cream shop?
A: Stand on the bike and have a look in the window.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: Why do elephants have gray skin?
A: To hold their insides together.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: Why are elephants so wrinkled?
A: Have you ever tried to iron one?[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: Why do elephants have trunks?
A₁: Because they’d look silly with glove compartments.
A₂: Because they don’t have pockets.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: Why do elephants have wrinkled knees?
A: From playing marbles.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: Why do elephants have crinkly feet?
A: To give the ants a chance.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: What time is it when an elephant sit on your sofa?
A: Time to get a new sofa.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: What time is it when an elephant sits on your toilet?
A: Time to run away.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: Where do you find elephants?
A: It depends on where you left them.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: What do you say when an elephant sneezes?
A: “Gesundheit”.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: How do you fit 5 elephants in a Volkswagen Beetle?
A: Two in the front, two in the back, and one in the glove compartment.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: What goes, “Clomp, clomp, clomp, squish, clomp, clomp, clomp, squish?”
A: An elephant with a wet sneaker.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: Why did the elephant lie down in the middle of the road?
A: To trip the ants.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: What would happen if an elephant sat in front of you at the movies?
A: You would miss most of the show.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: What’s as big as an elephant, but doesn’t weigh anything?
A: An elephant’s shadow.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: Why wasn’t the elephant allowed on the airplane?
A: Because his trunk wouldn’t fit under the seat.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: Why were the elephants the last animals off the ark?
A: Because they had to pack their trunks.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: Why did the elephant paint her toenails all different colors?
A: So she could hide in a bag of m&m’s.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: What would you get if you crossed two fish with two elephants?
A: A pair of swimming trunks.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: What should you do to a green elephant?
A₁: Wait until it gets ripe.
A₂: Bury it! You were only supposed to hold its nose until it turned blue.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: How did the cheerleader die?
A: She tried to catch an elephant doing a split.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: How does an elephant get out of a phone booth?
A: Same way she got in.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: What’s large and gray and goes around and around in circles?
A: An elephant stuck in a revolving door.[/size]

[size=12pt]A: They like the squishy feeling between their toes.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: Why do elephants paint the soles of their feet yellow?
A: So they can hide upside-down in the custard.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: Did you ever find an elephant in your custard?
A: No? Well, it must work.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: How do you catch an elephant?
A: Wait at a street corner, and when you see the elephant raise your hand and yell, “Yo, elephant!”[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: How does an astronomer catch an elephant?
A: With a telescope, a matchbox, and a pair of tweezers. Go to the jungle, and when you see an elephant, turn the telescope the wrong way around and look through it. The elephant will now be so small that you can pick it up with the tweezers and put it in the matchbox.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: How does a programmer catch an elephant?
A: Fly to Cape Town and head east. When you reach the ocean, go slightly north and head west. Keep repeating this until you see an elephant, then grab it.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: How does an experienced programmer catch an elephant?
A: The same way; but before you start, you place an elephant at Gibraltar, so you won’t fall into the Mediterranean if there are no elephants.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: How do you get an elephant out of the water?
A: Wet.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: How do you get two elephants out of the water?
A: One by one.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: How do you smuggle an elephant across the border?
A: Put a slice of bread on each side, and call him “lunch”.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: How do you shoot a yellow elephant?
A: Wait for it to run away.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: What do you call two elephants on a bicycle?
A: Optimistic![/size]

[size=12pt]Q: What do you get if you take an elephant into the city?
A: Free parking.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: What do you get if you take an elephant into work?
A: Sole use of the elevator.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: Why do elephants wear tiny green hats?
A: To sneak across a pool table without being seen.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: How many elephants does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Don’t be stupid, elephants can’t change light bulbs![/size]

[size=12pt]Q: What do you get if you cross an elephant with a whale?
A: A submarine with a built-in snorkel.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: How do you know if an elephant’s been sleeping in your bed?
A: Peanut shells under the pillow.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: How do you know if there’s an elephant in your bed right now?
A: He has a big ‘E’ on his pajamas’ jacket pocket.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: How do you get an elephant on top of an oak tree?
A: Stand him on an acorn and wait fifty years.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: What if you don’t want to wait fifty years?
A: Parachute him from an airplane.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: Why isn’t it safe to climb oak trees between 2 and 4 in the afternoon?
A: Because that is when the elephants practice their parachute jumping.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: Why are elephants’ feet shaped that way?
A: To fit on lily pads.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: Why isn’t it safe to go into the pond between 4 and 6 in the afternoon?
A: That’s when the elephants are walking on the lily pads.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: Why are frogs so short?
A: They go onto the lily pads between 4 and 6 in the afternoon.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: What do you give a seasick elephant?
A: Lots of room.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: What’s more difficult than getting an elephant into the back seat of your car?
A: Getting two elephants into the back seat of your car.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: How do you know when an elephant has been in the baby carriage?
A: By the footprints on the baby’s forehead.[/size]

[size=12pt]Q: Why did the elephant wear sunglasses?
A: With all the silly elephant jokes going around, it didn’t want to be recognized.[/size]

[size=12pt]Why did the elephant float on its back?[/size]

[size=12pt]Answer: So the seagulls could have a naval base.[/size]



[size=12pt][/size]

[size=12pt] [/size]

[size=12pt]  [/size]

 
 
 

 

[earthpeople]

Oh my god, lol.

 

[Lil' Knight]

That post itself is a joke. I got a good lol, thanks.

 

[10068]

"I know you are not saying what you think you're talking about.  Wow, i'm going to puke now."
 
fixt.  Grammar Fail.
 
Quote:

LMMMAAAOOOO, 
I know you not thinking what your thinking your talking about, wow i'm going to puke now. 

 

[Confispect]

 
Quote:

"I know you not thinking what your thinking your talking about, wow i'm going to puke now. "
 
Grammar Fail fix. I fixed it back for you. 

 

@Lazarus, you know what i'm talking about! 

 

[Lazarus Short]

Quote:

 


@Lazarus, you know what i'm talking about! 

What?  The thinking or the puking??
 
OK, actually I have looked and looked at your post #184, and in spite of failed grammar, I think I know what you were trying to say.  Yes, I think I was thinking exactly what you tried to argue that I was not thinking about what I said.  Is that clear enough?  You may puke now.
 

 

[wink]

That's the long and the short of it.

 

[Confispect]

 
Quote:

What?  The thinking or the puking??
 
OK, actually I have looked and looked at your post #184, and in spite of failed grammar, I think I know what you were trying to say.  Yes, I think I was thinking exactly what you tried to argue that I was not thinking about what I said.  Is that clear enough?  You may puke now.
 

I have done it. 

 
Nice elephant joke.....jokes.
 
 

 

[Confispect]

20. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.

19. Sorry officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

18. Aren't you the guy from the villiage people?

17. Hey, you must have been doing 125 to keep up with me, good job.

16. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical shape to be a police officer.

15. I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.

14. Bad cop. No donut.

13. You're not going to check the trunk, are you?

12. Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence.

11. Didn't I see you get your butt kicked on cops?

10. Is it true that people become cops because they are too dumb to work at McDonalds?

9. I pay your salary

8. So uh, you on the take or what?

7. Gee officer, that's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning.

6. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.

5. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there is no other cars around, that's how far they are ahead of me.

4. What do you mean have I been drinking? You are the trained specialist.

3. Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off of my lap and got lodged between the brake and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.

2. Hey, is that a 9mm? That's nothing compared to this 44 magnum. 

1. Hey, can you give me another one of those full cavity searches? 

 

[10068]

Hahaha, number 3. Is classic.

And wink has a problem that may in fact require psychiatric intervention...

 

[FallenAngel]

I really love #14, awesome!  I'm so using that next time I get pulled over!