[Jahn]

Quote:

Originally Posted by socrates63 So the moral of my long post is this: be good to her, and she will show the same kind of appreciation for you. I think one of the guys mentioned respect, and it's the same idea. Respect her, and she does the same. And one other thing: DO NOT volunteer the price unless you absolutely have to. Let her come up with a figure that you can work with. It's much easier that way .

Exactly, if you disrespect your wife on the important things, or even mundane things like taking out the trash, she's going to have a SHORT leash on the smaller indiscretions such as gear popping up. Therefore, always incorporate a bit of that "model husband" to smooth things over - some folks take to it naturally, others consider it work to operate out of their "comfort zone" - but in the end that effort pays dividends (and not just for headphones, as Edwood attests to!

)

 

[Gopher]

My live-in girlfriend gives me crap about my stereo from time to time. Mostly I just shrug her off and do as I please though. *shrug*

A few things that have warmed her up to it was:

1. visiting a head-fi meet with her

2. abandoning a proper listening chair for a love seat so she can cuddle with you while you listen

3. buying a nice HDTV so she too has a daily reminder of the merits of high end electronics.

A good friend of mine likes to quote an old saying: "It is easier to seek forgivness then permission." I concur.

 

[Jahn]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gopher A good friend of mine likes to quote an old saying: "It is easier to seek forgivness then permission." I concur.

Lol a politician I once worked for said the same quote - but she was referring to the merits of diplomacy when dealing with constituents. The point was that the quote was true, but it may not be the most prudent course in the long run. Finding the right balance is an art imho!

 

[viator122]

I think honesty and directness should work best. Just tell her that you both work hard for your money and there's no reason you shouldn't buy the things that make you truly happy as long as you can meet your other obligations. Simple as that.

 

[TWIFOSP]

Eh, maybe I'm just crazy here...

But how instead of trying to bribe her with gifts, or sneak it past her, you try... talking to her.

If she's pissed off because you guys can't afford it, then maybe she has a point. If however you have disposable income, and this is how you choose to spend it, then tell her so. Tell her this is your passion and it is what you want to spend your (use our though) money on.

Tell her you would also be thrilled if she would join you and share the passion of music. Music depicted in a pure of form as the recorded medium will allow; through quality reproduction equipment.

If she has reservations about this, then you have other problems outside scoring some audio equipment. Maybe it's just me, but every woman I've ever been in a serious relationship with, wanted me to be happy and be passionate about things. I've gotten a couple of my girlfriends into audio. Then they buy me little things they think I'll like from time to time. Usually cds or little things about audio. And it doesn't matter wether I even enjoy the cd, it's that she wants to participate in my hobby, or least she went out of her way to try and give me something I'd enjoy... and that makes me happy. So I in turn do the same thing for her, find out her hobbies and passions and share.

Seriously, I don't mean to like lecture on relationships and stuff. But it seems really stupid to try and ninja purchase a head-fi rig when you could just talk to your wife and get her excited about it too. More often than not, my experience has been that women LOVE when you let them in on a part of your life they thought was private, or they don't understand. It's all about finding out what makes you tick. Well clearly that's audio, so make sure she understands that. If she loves you, she'll understand. This of course assumes there are no financial reasons why you shouldn't purchase these toys.

And if she is spiteful and would rather spend the money on herself, well you got other problems besides not being able to listen to The Flaming Lips in hi-fi stereo.

I've never been married, but if I had to trick my wife into letting me buy something, or sneak it past her, I'm not sure I'd enjoy it as much, if at all. I'd also enjoy it 10x more (and have) when that special someone is listening with you. Listening to music with a girl and getting those goosebumps at the same time is a very intimate and cool thing that I suggest all you guys try.

Just my $.02

 

[viator122]

Great post TWIFOSP

 

[Jahn]

Quote:

Originally Posted by viator122 Great post TWIFOSP

Not really, that is known as "The Professor."

But in all seriousness, take it easy folks, we're talking about cans here. When it comes to serious stuff like getting a place to live, grocery money, using electricity wisely in light of bills, having money in the kitty to buy diapers, even overage charges on the cell phones, we have the serious money patter down tight. This isn't money laundering or defrauding we're talking about here - if so, then yes it's serious. Don't forget, we joke around, but it's not like we're teens and we have to talk to the parental units who are holding the purse strings. Obviously this is in context of two adult folks who (in my case) both are bringing in the bacon and going about life. And smuggling in a can here and there isn't a red flag guys - if it was, I would have been divorced five years ago, believe me!

 

[viator122]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jahn And smuggling in a can here and there isn't a red flag guys - if it was, I would have been divorced five years ago, believe me!

I'm not saying it is a red flag. But like you said, if everything important financially is taken care of then what's the problem with you buying your cans?

 

[elrod-tom]

My stragegy is to insist on a sizeable chunk of funds for this stuff every year. We write it into our budget as a line item, and I make one or two fairly sizeable buys a year based on that.

Then I make up the difference with cash purchases.

 

[Jahn]

Quote:

Originally Posted by viator122 I'm not saying it is a red flag. But like you said, if everything important financially is taken care of then what's the problem with you buying your cans?

Well we're getting into serious ground here, but here's the skinny - there is never such a thing as having enough money. Very few people are well off never to have to worry about money. Yes, we have enough to live on comfortably with some discretionary income, which I'm grateful for, but in an ideal world I'd own a big old house in a good school district and each of us would own a nice car, and our kid would already have full tuition covered for any amount of degrees he'll ever want, as well as any future kids, and my wife I and would have a couple mill in savings so we can live off the interest alone once we retire, and we both work just for the fun not the profit, etc etc...I think you get the idea.

I've found that the two things that cause the most tension in a marriage are Family and Finances. For example, if my sister crashes on our couch for 4 months helping out with the baby while we are at work in our little apartment, it's going to create tension. Yeah, she's helping us out, we're saving money, we have someone we trust, etc etc...but she's still breathing down my back on the sofa when I'm trying to post in the "Mindy Moore is Hot" thread on Head-fi, and my sister isn't a neat freak like my wife, and the dishes pile up during the day...you see?

Things are rarely black and white in this world, so if you can get a little humor for the way things are, do it - there's no shame in calling it like it is and exaggerating a bit for the ba-da-boom factor. That's why I loved the show "Everyone Loves Raymond" - it was so ridiculously over the top, but there were those kernels of truth and a wink to the audience that made you say "I'm feelin' you, man!"

 

[socrates63]

Quote:

Originally Posted by elrod-tom My stragegy is to insist on a sizeable chunk of funds for this stuff every year. We write it into our budget as a line item, and I make one or two fairly sizeable buys a year based on that. Then I make up the difference with cash purchases.

LOL I'm sure everyone's situation is different, but here's the perfect example of logic and reasoning going only so far

But all this isn't helping OP.

 

[socrates63]

Quote:

Originally Posted by bowlofjokes \Example two I went and bought this little $700 Denon shelf system thinking it would be temporary and I could eventually put it in the garage/wood shop.. When she heard how EXPENSIVE it was I had to go get a new washer and dryer $2000. hmmmmm too much tit not enough tat.

I apologize beforehand if I come off as sounding like a marriage counselor or a what-it-all. But it looks like she was upset with the fact that you made a major purchase ($700 is pretty big in our house) without consulting her. You need to establish credibility with her as a husband first before stuff like the ninja and tit-for-tat approaches can work well.

Establishing credibility means listening to her actively (ie. acting upon what she's said), communicating regularly and engaging one another, being that model husband, etc.

Or I could be way off here, and all she's doing is expressing her desire to be included in the little corners of your life, namely your hobby interests.

Or I could be really way off and be totally wrong on all accounts.

But one thing's for sure. While most women may not be into head-fi and may not care for it, they would support their husband/bf's passions whatever they may be, assuming all other aspects of the relationship is working well.

Again, I apologize beforehand if I come across as preachy.

 

[Zanth]

Jahn: Your post was hilarious! I will show it to my wife later this evening.

Wayne: too funny, "radios" hahahah, you just keep on calling your cd players radios and you will be sure to keep under the radar of spending.

Sunbyrne: I agree with you and this is my own experience, though as others have mentioned, Jahn was totally being hilarious with his post, if not just a little truth mixed in

I believe it takes a mutual respect, if a person is hard working and their passion is in audio, art, wine, boating, spores moulds and fungi...whatever! It is likely going to cost some money, but a spouse should be accepting providing the hobby is not going to bankrupt the family. Also, if a person were to switch hobbies every other month, I could empathise with the spouse who wanted to vitto anything new.

That said, when I began to get into this hobby seriously, I explained things to my wife. I don't go out very much at all. "Boys nights" are so few and far between it seems I have no social life (heh..well I don't I guess, besides hanging out with you lunatics online). The savings here alone could be redirected into the audio fund (and were I suppose). The nice thing about audio too, is that it is easily enjoyed by many (if one has speakers) and can be used while multitasking (how I listen 99% of the time). The gear lasts a long LOOOOONG time (barring upgrading, FOTM sell offs) and one doesn't need to go all out ever, or right away. Small incremental injections of funds into the gear can have wonderful results. Sitting down and planning an "attack" on the purchasing phases will help out. I pair my purchases with birthdays and Christmas. I have not had a gift from my wife for these two occasions since we have been married (5 years) that didn't in some way involve gear. My cd player was purchased by my wife, and it counted for 2 years worth of presents (my insistance not hers but the rational thing to do in our case).

If music is so important to you, I'm sure you can explain things in such a way as to help her to understand. Make a date out of it. You suffer through some shopping, and then in between, you stop into some audio shops and have her listen to some of her favourite music. Don't even think about bringing a disc of your own. Just go in and let her discover. This can at least help her along the way. It worked for me!

Lastly, although mbriant is correct in some ways with the practical nature of the kitchen upgrades vs. complete luxury of the audio gear, I would like to add that kitchen upgrades can often be out of aesthetic desires vs. true practical needs and conversely what is said to be luxurious could be seen as therapeutic with regards to the audio gear. Spin it that way if you have to. Did you want the kitchen renovated? If not, then I feel you have at least a bit of leverage.

The clincher....headphones take up little space in comparison to what can be obtrusive and very non-WAF friendly speakers. Headphones...tucked away so she doesn't have to think about them. Plus, while you are listening, just gets control of the remote

 

[SunByrne]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jahn SunByrne's opinions may be based on his approach to his marriage, but I'm not going to guess whether he's married or not, that's not my place to say based just on his belief on what a good marriage should be like.

Yeah, I am married. We celebrated our eighth anniversary this past spring.

Quote:

Anyhow, I think my marriage is pretty darn perfect, and SunByrne may be blowing it out of proportion a bit. Such as when I rag on my friend for welching on his turn to pay for Virtual Golf at the bar, does that mean that he betrayed my trust that he was going to pay next, and therefore the grounds of our friendship are shaky and bound to fail?

No, of course not. But if your friend is constantly sneaking around doing stuff behind your back and lying about it, only 'fessing up when you catch him in the act, then I'd say that you indeed don't have a very strong friendship.

Quote:

And smuggling in a can here and there isn't a red flag guys

The fact that you feel you have to "smuggle" it at all, and can't just be open with each other, THAT I would consider much more telling. But, obviously, that's just me.

Quote:

I've found that the two things that cause the most tension in a marriage are Family and Finances.

Hunh? I don't follow your logic here. If finances are one of the biggest problem points, doesn't that make it even more important to be honest about expenditures and how money is managed, rather than the "no big deal" you keep claiming it is? I'm not being sarcastic, I really don't get your logic here.

Quote:

Originally Posted by TWIFOSP But how instead of trying to bribe her with gifts, or sneak it past her, you try... talking to her. If she has reservations about this, then you have other problems outside scoring some audio equipment.

No, I tried that kind of angle, people here don't buy it. Deceit seems to be the preferred mode of operation. Explains a lot about why many organizations work they way they do.

Ah, whatever.

Everyone has their own way. There are marriages out there where both parties do routinely lie to each other and I guess that works for them. OTOH, I've seen no shortage of such marriages where eventually both parties become constantly resentful and bitter about marriage, and I know *I* certainly wouldn't want to be in a marriage where I had to make a habit out of lying about money. But I readily acknowledge my way is not the only way.

So if that works for y'all and you're happy, more power to ya.

 

[jpr703]

Just take whatever argument she used on you to get the last expensive toy she wanted and replace "Louis Vuitton handbag" with "amplifier." She'll get the picture.