The divorce thread

[Wmcmanus]

I too am really sorry to hear this news, Fred. I know that you've always loved her and have spoken most highly of her at all times. May you find peace in these troubled times and find a way to maintain a friendship with her, one way or another. I've never been married either, but have been engaged briefly on two occasions. Once you've shared a big part of your life with someone, it's a shame to have to throw it all away. If you can keep anything in way of a friendship, it will help all parties involved, not just the kids. Hang in there.

 

[Glod]

Quote:

Originally Posted by micaela Been married 15 yrs & both of us were almost 30. Funny thing though we were high school sweethearts but it took us a long time to individually grow up & know what we wanted out of life. I'm glad we waited b/c I'm not sure we would have made it if we'd married in college. I agree that being a little older is a good thing. We both had time to sow our wild oats & when we married we were both ready. I'm the only one of my siblings who hasn't divorced --- I'm the youngest & I learned from them what NOT to do in a marriage!!!!!

A lot of wisdom there AFAIC.

Personally, I think the institute of marriage is overrated if two people are on the same “wave length”. Mind you, here two persons can sign for a lot of the legal aspects of marriage without actually get married.

I do respect the marriage because it is such a strong symbol for many people and cultures. However, we don’t need it. We have been together for 15 years and have lovely kids.

A peculiarity: In my country the words woman and wife are the same in the spoken language

 

[Genetic]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tuberoller I made it to 19 years and thought it might actually last forever......

The strangest and one of the most beautiful love letter I ever read....

Amicalement

 

[eyeteeth]

Divorced once (too young).
Once bitten, twice shy.
Now after a 9 year engagement, I'm getting married again soon.

 

[bozebuttons]

Sorry to hear that Fred,Divorce is probably one of the worst times in you life.
I know Divorced my first wife after 4 years(she actually left me).I have a daughter from the first time. I still get along with the Ex . I have been married now for 18 years the secound time around & this will be my last(very happy this time around).

Only piece of advice I can give you is time heals all wounds,and life goes on.
So Hang in there,things will get better.

 

[gratefulshrink]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tuberoller Divorce sucks in so many different ways and that's for all the purely selfish reasons. I can't even get into what this is doing to my kids. I swear (with my hand to God) that I would'nt wish this on my worst enemy. I would give all that I have and would ever have, to make things work between my wife and I but as I accept that my work my someday take my life,I accept that this is not possible.

Thank you for an amazingly honest post. I hope that putting your thoughts and feelings into words was therapeutic in some way.

I'm guessing that you are in your early 40s (if my math is right), which means that after a while, you will have a chance to fall in love again and get re-married. a lot of guys don't get married the first time until about your age. Judging from your life history, you seem like the type of person that will meet and get close to all sorts of interesting people.

About the kids, it's totally normal to feel very guilty about the effects of divorce on them. If you didn't feel guilty, I'd worry about you. That being said, with the proper attitude and support, most kids will bounce back fine. Don't discount the idea of some brief couples counseling to help you smooth things out with how you will handle the kids.

Good luck.

 

[redshifter]

tuberoller
from your other posts about your wife i know she means a lot to you. it's a huge shame things didn't work out. but man, the sh!t you've been through and survived, i know you'll get through this too.

 

[Mikey01]

Married for thirty-three years to the same woman. Nuff said.

 

[Mikey01]

How do you make a marrage last as a man? Well you have to learn to talk properly to your wife.
Key phrases are:
(1) Sorry!
(2) Yes dear.
(3) I apologize. The whole thing is my fault.
(4) Yes, you were right dear.
(5) I'll do it right away dear.
(6) Yes dear, I'll stop and ask for directions.

 

[blessingx]

The anthropologist Helen Fishers book, Anatomy of Love: A Natural History of Mating, Marriage, and Why We Stray is a pretty great book on cultural attractions, divorce cycles (there is no 7 year itch, but there is a 4), etc. Also I haven't read it, but very interested in Stephanie Coontz's Marriage, a History: From Obedience to Intimacy, or How Love Conquered Marriage is a history of marriage and why many of of conceptions of it were based on previous incarnations that have little to do with interpersonal love and many of us would never want to go back to. And don't be put off by the Dr. Phil-like titles, both volumes are pretty well respected.

Although I haven't been married, I'm a big believer in divorce and although I can understand the feelings of failure after all the decisions leading up to long term ended marriage, I don't understand why in todays age we still define 'success' as in "still married". Don't we all have some distant relatives that should have divorced for everyones benefit a long time ago? Seems the focus on secrets to staying married and divorce rates are only part of the story. Course always feel bad if kids are involved.

 

[1911]

Quote:

Originally Posted by blessingx The anthropologist Helen Fishers book, Anatomy of Love: A Natural History of Mating, Marriage, and Why We Stray is a pretty great book on cultural attractions, divorce cycles (there is no 7 year itch, but there is a 4), etc. Also I haven't read it, but very interested in Stephanie Coontz's Marriage, a History: From Obedience to Intimacy, or How Love Conquered Marriage is a history of marriage and why many of of conceptions of it were based on previous incarnations that have little to do with interpersonal love and many of us would never want to go back to. And don't be put off by the Dr. Phil-like titles, both volumes are pretty well respected. Although I haven't been married, I'm a big believer in divorce and although I can understand the feelings of failure after all the decisions leading up to long term ended marriage, I don't understand why in todays age we still define 'success' as in "still married". Don't we all have some distant relatives that should have divorced for everyones benefit a long time ago? Seems the focus on secrets to staying married and divorce rates are only part of the story. Course always feel bad if kids are involved.

a big believer in divorce? why even get married in the first place if that is your feelings( i know you arent married but if you decide too) most married people will attest that marriage is a conscious decision to remain faithful and treat your spouse with respect and work things through. otherwise just be girlfriend/boyfriend. too many people base marriages on feelings. that said i am torn because i dont beleivein divorce but there are some real crummy marriages out there that probably would benefit.

 

[Jahn]

if you aren't married, and you are a big believer in divorce, well...i see your logic, but that phrase could strike a few nerves among both the married and divorced folks around here as being insensitive towards those who are living it (either positively or negatively) and aren't as academic about it.

 

[Genetic]

And the thread title was.....

Amicalement

 

[Mikey01]

If ya ain't married, who's underware drawer you gonna play in, when your at home alone for awhile?

Oh! And how you gonna clean the inside lip of the toilet bowl, if you don't have another toothbrush available, if you ain't married huh?

 

[Genetic]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mikey01 If ya ain't married, who's underware drawer you gonna play in, when your at home alone for awhile? Oh! And how you gonna clean the inside lip of the toilet, if you don't have another toothbrush available, if you ain't married huh?

LOL...you just highlighted 2 of the top 10 majors cause of divorce...

Amicalement

P.S. I lost so many friends the day they got married