blessingx
HeadFest '07 Graphic Designer
Supplier of fine logos! His visions of Head-Fi
- Joined
- Mar 27, 2003
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Okay, let me rephrase...
As painful as it can be on the individuals, societies view that staying together is "success" and divorce is "failure" is a little weird when confronted with unhappy marriages and happy second marriages.
To be clear I'm not pro-divorce, I'm just not anti. I believe it can be positive for the individuals or negative or more likely a combo of two. Society though is very negative on divorce. It's always someones fault for not trying. The push is for lowering divorce rates, not necessarily happier coupling. Of course these overlap, but listen to the tones and it's often a very weird variation on the "Protestant Work Ethic". If you really work at it it'll work out... no matter who suffers.
Listen I don't think relationships should be simply convenience. If you're serious about a relationship it should come first. When it isn't problems obviously occur. I love the old quote of marital success being the trick "both not to be out of love at the same time". There's much more that goes into caring and companionship and love (and no I'm not talking goofy variations on infatuation or "the one") that I can go in here (and likely even know), and I actually believe those things are more active/in your control than most of my friends (who believe you either feel something for someone or not - ridiculous IMO - if necessary you hunt for what to like and love) but if the target is mutual knowing and love for another, separation/divorce is likely right? What important things in life (and this is way up there) doesn't start with the right intentions and sometimes changes over time? And is saying divorce is sometimes good offensive to those who may be going through rough times right now? If so, I'm sorry. If someone loses their job, the real possibility of greater happiness is something I would say also.
And although divorce can occur for a variety of reasons, one of them may be (as several have argued) the increasing higher standard of marriage. It's not something you have to do. It's not required for all the societal reasons of the past. It can be entered voluntary and for personal bonds.
Anyway, sorry if it (and maybe this) seems insensitive. I certainly didn't mean it that way. Amateur psychologists get ready... my family has gone through several divorces. Some ugly. Some not. But nearly everyone is better off now. Who long term (no matter how much it seems so now) wants to be with someone who doesn't want to be with them?
Family is certainly a related subject which sometimes involves kids - a whole other bag of worms, and also gays and lesbians (can't use 'marriage' since the U.S. government/some conservative religious groups seem to think that they can't love and long term bond). There are a lot of ramifications there and obviously a lot of pain spread around. If this thread was about personal advice (and it probably was) and I came in and moved to the subject of marriage as a notion (which as been on my mind a lot lately), sorry for imposing. I'll step out now. Apologies there.
As painful as it can be on the individuals, societies view that staying together is "success" and divorce is "failure" is a little weird when confronted with unhappy marriages and happy second marriages.
To be clear I'm not pro-divorce, I'm just not anti. I believe it can be positive for the individuals or negative or more likely a combo of two. Society though is very negative on divorce. It's always someones fault for not trying. The push is for lowering divorce rates, not necessarily happier coupling. Of course these overlap, but listen to the tones and it's often a very weird variation on the "Protestant Work Ethic". If you really work at it it'll work out... no matter who suffers.
Listen I don't think relationships should be simply convenience. If you're serious about a relationship it should come first. When it isn't problems obviously occur. I love the old quote of marital success being the trick "both not to be out of love at the same time". There's much more that goes into caring and companionship and love (and no I'm not talking goofy variations on infatuation or "the one") that I can go in here (and likely even know), and I actually believe those things are more active/in your control than most of my friends (who believe you either feel something for someone or not - ridiculous IMO - if necessary you hunt for what to like and love) but if the target is mutual knowing and love for another, separation/divorce is likely right? What important things in life (and this is way up there) doesn't start with the right intentions and sometimes changes over time? And is saying divorce is sometimes good offensive to those who may be going through rough times right now? If so, I'm sorry. If someone loses their job, the real possibility of greater happiness is something I would say also.
And although divorce can occur for a variety of reasons, one of them may be (as several have argued) the increasing higher standard of marriage. It's not something you have to do. It's not required for all the societal reasons of the past. It can be entered voluntary and for personal bonds.
Anyway, sorry if it (and maybe this) seems insensitive. I certainly didn't mean it that way. Amateur psychologists get ready... my family has gone through several divorces. Some ugly. Some not. But nearly everyone is better off now. Who long term (no matter how much it seems so now) wants to be with someone who doesn't want to be with them?
Family is certainly a related subject which sometimes involves kids - a whole other bag of worms, and also gays and lesbians (can't use 'marriage' since the U.S. government/some conservative religious groups seem to think that they can't love and long term bond). There are a lot of ramifications there and obviously a lot of pain spread around. If this thread was about personal advice (and it probably was) and I came in and moved to the subject of marriage as a notion (which as been on my mind a lot lately), sorry for imposing. I'll step out now. Apologies there.
