[arnoldsoccer4]

So I need to get some things off my chest, feel free to ignore me, I am just hoping I feel better when I finish typing this out. Responses are welcome too though

. So m situation is just ugh. My parents got divorced when I was about 9, which is fine, but it is a nasty divorce. Neither of them will talk to eachother about anything. I mean nothing, they have to email eachother about everything, and the emails are still curt and impolite. Neither shows human decency towards the other, and neither makes an effort. They both act like they are saints in this regard and the other person is the whole problem, when both of them refuse to even try to talk to one another, even for the sake of their 3 kids.

So rewind back to 8th grade, I was living in Tennessee with my mom where I grew up, and my dad was still in Tennessee just down the street. I would visit him on Wednesdays and weekends, which wasn't a bad system. My mom wasn't big on spoiling her kids, so we didn't have game systems or anything like that. She also watched what we ate for us. My dad on the otherhand had bought me a ps2, was fine with whatever I wanted to eat etc. For some reason I don't understand even now i decided to move in with my dad.

My dad moved me up to Chicago after the first 1/4 of the school year, and didn't let me finish my soccer season which really pissed me off. I did alright in Chicago, I got to know people and kind of settle down. So then at the end of the 8th grade school year my dad asks me what I thought about moving to San Diego. I instantly said no because I had just settled down and did not want to move away to a new place again. He acted really surprised and got mad because I said I didn't want to move there, he said he didn't know why I didn't want to move there. Also he got re-married in my 7th grade year.

So regardless we move to San Diego in my freshman year of high school, it was me, my dad, my stepmom, and her two daughters. We started to get settled into San Diego and I liked it, after one week of school random people were inviting me to go surfing. The people there were really nice and open. Unfortunately my stepsister was constantly complaining about how she missed Chicago, even though her sister and her mom and everyone else were happier than ever in San Diego (she is a very selfish and rude person). So they moved back to Chicago after 3 months in San Diego. My dad said we would stay in San Diego until I graduated school. So then the job that my dad originally went to San Diego fell apart and he got a new one working at a startup company in San Diego, and that company is going into bankruptcy at the moment.

So my Dad got lonely living away from his wife which is perfectly understandable. I was in my sophomore year and liking San Diego even more, I knew almost my whole graduating class, I had straight a's, I was playing soccer, had a good surfer chick girlfriend, etc. My dad asked me what I thought about moving back to Chicago. This time instead of rolling over and not caring I said no, just flat out no I didn't want to move back, I reminded him of his promise and he just ignored me. At the end of sophomore year my mom asked me if I wanted to spend 6 weeks with her at soccer instead of the scheduled 4, and I said yes, and told my dad I wished to do so. My dad sent my mom back an email titled "Ry's summer schedule" which he didn't even ask me about and scheduled us moving back to Chicago. I ended up not even getting my scheduled 4 weeks with her.

So now I am back in Chicago, and I am trying to make the best of it, to make friends and everything but I am really struggling. I miss all my friends in San Diego, I miss the beach, and just everything. I really am trying to be happy but I just can't be, and this is the only time I have actually been depressed in my life. I am only with my dad, both my sisters live thousands of miles away, and school just flat out sucks no matter how hard I try to make it better.

Also with my parents they still can't talk and it is really getting ridiculous. I have 2 really good friends of our family, one is my best friend's dad who is a pastor, who is just the best person I have ever met in my life. His whole family treats me like I am a part of it, they even let me stay with them when ever I want too, also he helped me find religion which is really what has brought me through some tough times and is the only thing keeping me going right now. The other family friend is just one from a long time back who took care of us when we were young. She is one of the most caring person I have ever met and she will do anything for us kids in the family, she has repeatedly offered that I can live with her if I decide to go to college in Arizona where she lives. She recently wrote a letter to both my parents saying that they both needed to be the bigger person here and just try to get along like civilized people for the sake of the kids, and she got angry responses from both parents.

The divorce is still nasty, and money squabbles are out of control, my dad, who is fine in financial status tried to take my mom to court over $50 just to prove a point. I just want to finish high school at this point, and I now have 4 parents. I have given both of my parents chance after chance after chance for 7 years and frankly I am tired of it, both of them have had opportunities to be a bigger person and they have just blown them off. If there is a phone conversation between the both of them it is like listening to five year olds talk about who stole the cheerios or something, they are that immature to each other. I love both my parents but I am just really tired of this, and 3 moves in 3 years is just ridiculous (I am a junior), and just so you know I am not a whiny emo kid, this has been building up for 3 years, maybe my dad will read this while surfing the internet.

Thanks for reading m rant, if you made it this far, congratulations your attention span is incredible.

 

[Netminder]

Wow dude... All I can say is that I'm sorry for the situation that your parents put you in. Unfortunately, it is not something you can change. As they say...When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Just try your best, that's all you can do. My thoughts and prayers are with you brother!

 

[kramer5150]

dang Arnold... Hang in there, Your best bet is to do the best you can in school, and establish a career and some financial stability for your future. Start thinking seriously about college, millitary career, or career plans after highschool.

My sister-in law went through an abusive marriage some time ago and a bitter divorce. She has 2 beautiful daughters, who have graduated with top honors at UC Berkely and UC Davis. The girls are two of the most dedicated academic individuals I have ever met. I think their determination in college stemmed partially from the desire to move beyond their rocky past and establish their young lives/careers for themselves.

Its clear that your parents are not providing stability. So do the best you can with the friends you have made and your own determination and hard work to provide / create your own stability. You seem to have some great social skills and the ability to adapt to different social conditions, Use that to your advantage (whatever that may be at the time). That skill can take you a long way, the rest of your life.

Have you considered counseling? Just talking to someone who is willing to listen can be a huge load-off.

Learn from your parents. Learn what NOT to do using their lives as example. Sometimes what not to do is more important than what TO do.

You've come to the right place, head-fiers are critical listeners

Good Luck!!
Garrett

 

[rb67]

Best of luck to you my friend.

Are you considering college?

 

[XGJFilmsX]

No lie that stinks, but it could be worse and it will get better.

 

[arnoldsoccer4]

Thanks guys, it really does mean a lot to me, thats why I love head-fi. I will try to make the best out of everything, I have talked to counselors before, but this is my first time really spilling everything out, and I feel a lot better after it. I am hoping to go to med school and become a doctor, not sure which kind yet, but I am hoping to get somewhat good scholarships, I am in the top 5% of my class here so I should be able to get something, college will really be my chance to get away a little from everything, move out, live on my own, not have my decisions made for me without any input, I am really looking forward to it, even if I am in it for 10 years.

Also, music is a great thing right now, I can just listen and drift away (ksc-75's are great!), also I go run which really gives me time to think and get thoughts out of my head, and listen to all my new Angra and Dream Theater albums.

 

[bhd812]

what your parents are in with each other and how they are acting is pretty normal. understand they have had and still have strong feelings for each other.
what sucks is your getting the affect of it all to an extent but understand its not about you or about anything you did. you just understand their points as best as you can and worry as much about school and your life first and foremost. when you get older try to learn what not to do with your loved ones after seeing and living threw what they did and still do. your parents are humans and they like everyone have feelings and issues...don't take their problems on your back instead learn how to be a better man from their lessons they are not directly teaching you.

it sucks moving from place to place but i can tell you there are many positives in your life story many people wish they had. i mean you lived out in Cali...and dated a surfer Chic....thats like +50 panache points right there man. **** i went to cali for a few days and wanted to never leave, **** i would give my left headphone cup in trade to live their when i was younger even for a few months on a free ride.
the friends you made out there and the other places is even better of a positive, and as far as leaving them and moving other places and starting over..well friends don't last for ever man. you will have lots of friends and have lots of friendships ends good and bad so be at least happy you ended them on a good level instead of them sleeping with you ex...like all of your friends doing it...arrrrrr


hey man Chicago might not have the Cali girls, amazing driving roads, Cali girls, etc, and more Cali girls but Chicago has some good stuff...
like Music direct and loads of Vinyl Shops and well...lots of stuff.

there is a Chicago Meet i/c in the meet sections now. maybe you can make it out and meet some other Chicago Headfiers or something.,.,,,or maybe just tell me about those Cali girls..mmmm

reply here if you want man. but either way keep the head up..

 

[Icarium]

Yeah Chicago has Culvers and maybe Kopps. Not sure what else Chicago has that's worth a damn though ;p Pizza? I guess pizza.

 

[Singapura]

Divorces suck man. I've been in one myself and even though it started out very civilized, once the $$ start to roll and the lawyers come out and play it will turn nasty real quickly. Good thing we don't have kids because I would hate to bring my son in a situation like yours. Just keep in mind that it's their problem and that it should not affect you. You have every right to be angry and to tell them how you feel. Maybe you should get together with your sisters and work something out together. Your parents are bound to take notice if you come to them as a group.

 

[bhd812]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Icarium /img/forum/go_quote.gif Yeah Chicago has Culvers and maybe Kopps. Not sure what else Chicago has that's worth a damn though ;p Pizza? I guess pizza.

Hotdogs man..and not those cheap small polish things some state's have that start with N and end with K call hotdogs..hehe

and We have me...bhd...8-12 or even 81-2,pends on if your a south sider or north sider...

Oh we have um...24/7 food shops of all kinds..like anything you want.

a few tall buildings but not many, besides they make me dizzy.
we also have Shure inc..and RSA..and Ety (i think we do).

rumor has it we have Hoffa in the Entrance ramp on Central to I-55, not sure cause I dont hear any "ouch" as i drive over there..

 

[Jigglybootch]

Sorry to hear about your situation. All I can say is do the best you can with school and everything and be patient. Go to college, get the hell out of there, and start your own life. The saying "It'll get worse before it gets better" really comes to mind here, but it sounds like you're going to be hitting the upswing soon enough.

 

[Contrastique]

The best of luck to you Arnold. That's a sucky story indeed. I hope you'll find your way through this. You do sound like a strong, capable, healthy minded young person so you should do alright. I can't think of any advice though..I think Kramer covered it perfectly.
Just remember: Everything has its end, the good things AND the bad things. That kept me going for years when I was not doing okay. Anyways, good luck to you!

 

[fordgtlover]

Dude, hang in there.

Have you got access to a school counselor to talk to about this?

Can you move back with your mom to get some stability back in your life?

 

[jpelg]

It's amazing how divorced parents can't seem to see past their own anger issues to see how much it effects the kids. You'd think that in this day and age, long after divorce has become so commonplace in our society, and how "aware" we are all supposed to be, grown-ups would have better tools at their disposal to deal with their anger toward each other, and lessen the collateral damage. But no.

I still see this every day with my youngest brother and his bi-polar, psycho ex-wife. I am surprised and thankful that their daugher (my niece) is as well-adjusted, and as nice a 10-year old as she is. At the moment anyway (who knows what psychological damage was really done & when it will manifest).

You seem to be able to express yourself in a well-articulated, intelligent manner, which is a good indication you've adjusted well yourself. Such self-awareness is the best tool for placing proper boundaries to protect yourself, and to develop your own life.

Wishing you the best, and feel free to vent here when you feel the need. As you can see, you have a lot of supporters.

 

[kramer5150]

Quote:

Originally Posted by arnoldsoccer4 /img/forum/go_quote.gif Thanks guys, it really does mean a lot to me, thats why I love head-fi. I will try to make the best out of everything, I have talked to counselors before, but this is my first time really spilling everything out, and I feel a lot better after it. I am hoping to go to med school and become a doctor, not sure which kind yet, but I am hoping to get somewhat good scholarships, I am in the top 5% of my class here so I should be able to get something, college will really be my chance to get away a little from everything, move out, live on my own, not have my decisions made for me without any input, I am really looking forward to it, even if I am in it for 10 years. Also, music is a great thing right now, I can just listen and drift away (ksc-75's are great!), also I go run which really gives me time to think and get thoughts out of my head, and listen to all my new Angra and Dream Theater albums.

Thumbs up to you my man!! See it as just... building blocks in life. Stepping stones in your young life that mold and shape you as you progress from boyhood, to young adult.. and on too husband and fatherhood. Learn from your parents and their mistakes.

Teenage years are never easy, regardless. Enduring them is just part of growing up. I came from a "stable" home (whatever that means), yet I still had run-ins with my parents and we were always yelling at each other for one stupid thing or another.

College will get better for you, keep your grades up and don't party yourself out too much and you'll do fine. Enjoy being single at college!!! Looking back at it all... its the only time in my life where my life was MINE... all mine.

YES!! Music is the best therapy... thats why we're all head-fiers.