[Illah]

I read your whole post but skimmed the responses, however your situation is similar to my wife's. To be as brief as possible, same divorce drama and horrible family life. Really ****** situation. Getting out of it was the best thing she's ever done. Now she's successful, happy, and no longer needs to deal with the drama any more.

Some families are toxic. You can't choose your family, but you can choose how much contact you have with them (at least when you're older anyway).

Long story short, at your age you're kind of stuck. Just keep your head up. I hate to say it but you can't change your parents and they will never listen to you. My wife has had the same issues. Sometimes you just need to move on. When the time comes you'll be able to control your own life, but for now just make due.

Now my wife and I do very well for our age. Getting away from her family was the best thing she's ever done. There's more to it than what was written, however her family is very toxic. Now that she's on her own she has a college degree and has worked at several great companies and is one of the most successful of her generation of the family.

Even with me, moving out was a great thing to do. My family is actually OK, but being headstrong made me butt heads with my dad quite a bit. Now we respect each other a lot more since he realizes I'm not an idiot...I guess I proved myself to him

Just keep yourself together for another year or two and keep your eyes on college. Get out of the drama so you can focus on more important things. You're already a junior so you're almost there.

--Illah

 

[redshifter]

re: Your parents.

Selfish people are selfish.

 

[slwiser]

I am glad you have found one community here that you can express yourself without issues. This I am sure will help but your situations is hard, very hard. You just have to hang in there. It sounds like you mature way beyond you years already and no wonder. This level of maturity will take you a long way in the bigger picture.

 

[YamiTenshi]

I'm really sorry to hear about your situation. As others have already said, these things will pass, you will go to college, get out of the house and start your own life. Just keep positive and don't give up!

And while you may not have much stability in your real life, Head-Fi will always be here no matter where you end up. Come check in with us and let us know how you're doing. You'd be surprised how much random people over the internet you've never met can relate to what you are going through.

 

[justhavingfun]

Arnold, remember the current "bad" situation that you are in is only temporary. Make sure you finish your high school with good grades like you have been and more doors will be open to you including better colleges. There are many opportunities out there for you to explore but right now you don't have much choices. You seem to have good person to talk to at least, your pastor. Talk to him often during your tough time and be sure to finish your high school with good grades. I know it is tough to ignore but don't let your parents' problems become your main problem. I wish you a good luck and be strong.

 

[vcoheda]

lots of music and head-fi and friends to talk to. best counseling there is.

 

[Agent Kang]

Quote:

Originally Posted by vcoheda /img/forum/go_quote.gif lots of music and head-fi and friends to talk to. best counseling there is.

X2. No better drug than music.

 

[ken36]

Just chalk it up to life. I have one or two stories that I wouldn't even think of telling you.

 

[arnoldsoccer4]

Quote:

Originally Posted by fordgtlover /img/forum/go_quote.gif Dude, hang in there. Have you got access to a school counselor to talk to about this? Can you move back with your mom to get some stability back in your life?

I do have access to a school counselor, but really I think I am just going to start talking to my pastor more and more, he knows my situation without me having to explain it to him. He knows exactly what has happened (known him since I was 5). I am concerned that if I go to a school counselor I might say something wrong in my story or something and completely screw up any advice I could get.




Also I would move back in with my mom, but (huge but, Sir-Mix-A-Lot would love it) she still lives in Tennessee. As much as I want to move in with her I just want to finish school, I do not think my dad would move me again, and if he does I am either going to move in with my mom or stay with my friend's family for a year. That sounds crazy but I really do see them as family, and they see me the same way. My friend's dad owns apartments and introduced me to his tenants as his son.

Again thanks for the words of encouragement everyone, it really does help. I was a lot happier today at school compared to the first few days. And bhd, guess what, I met a cali chick that goes to my school, I guess they are here too. Chicago isn't bad, it is just that I live in the suburbs where there is absolutely nothing to do, except eat great pizza, especially when I had grown accustomed to surfing before school on Fridays.

Contrastique that is a very good point, thank you so much.

Singapura we have been thinking about it for a while now, the problem is getting everyone together in one place, my mom is in Tennessee, one sister is in Tennessee, another is in Germany, I am in Chicago with my dad, believe me if we are all in one city at once the crap will hit the fan.

Jigglybootch I am hoping for exactly what you said, and I am getting the hell out when college opportunity comes knocking.

Jpleg thanks, I love head-fi because you can post some personal problem that has nothing to do with anyone on the boards but everyone will help you with the problem. I wish you and your brother and your niece the best, I would say from personal experience watch out a few years down the road, I know it didn't really hit me until about 8th grade.

Illah that is exactly what I am hoping for 15 years down the road, that is great for your wife I am truly happy for her. The same with you, that is great that after conflict with your dad you could still have respect down the road. 2 more years is what I keep thinking.

Redshifter unfortunately you are right, there seems to have been no change since the divorce.

slwiser thank you I am really hoping that I am being mature as possible in this certain aspect of my life, it helps immensely, glad to see I seem to be somewhat succeeding.

YamiTenshi I am staying positive as much as I can, and head-fi is a nice break from this type of internet.

justhavingfun I really am trying not to make my parent's problems my own, but I get dragged in anytime I want to visit my mom in Tennessee. I am really relying on the college card as I am sure you can tell, and I am going to do my best to get it, thank you for your well wishes, I wish you luck and strength as well.

And music is the best drug out there, problem is it is so freaking addicting.



Edit: Whoa ken where did the gecko go?
Sorry if I came off kind of cheesey, but I really do mean what I say, even if it sounds scripted out of hollywood, I guess I need to cut back on the movies.

 

[450]

Quote:

Originally Posted by kramer5150 /img/forum/go_quote.gif Have you considered counseling? Just talking to someone who is willing to listen can be a huge load-off.

Take this advice seriously. I went to counseling and it literally killed 10 years of depression and anxiety in one day (from 6-16). T'was amazing. Even more amazing is the fact my parents started to realize they weren't always right. I think you should talk to the counselor/therapist/psychiatrist alone first then bring in your parents in another session and then bring in everyone involved in a third session.

Works wonders if you're willing to work with it.

EDIT: Most school counselors I've dealt with aren't very good at group therapy compared to the people that specialize in it. (obviously) Although, YMMV as always. Talking to people that care and listen (ex: your pastor like you said) help and group therapists really help things move along quickly and calmy. (My experience YMMV again)

 

[bhd812]

Quote:

Originally Posted by arnoldsoccer4 /img/forum/go_quote.gif And bhd, guess what, I met a cali chick that goes to my school,

does she have an older sister? if not older then at least a sister?....hahahahahaha

 

[arnoldsoccer4]

Quote:

Originally Posted by 450 /img/forum/go_quote.gif Take this advice seriously. I went to counseling and it literally killed 10 years of depression and anxiety in one day (from 6-16). T'was amazing. Even more amazing is the fact my parents started to realize they weren't always right. I think you should talk to the counselor/therapist/psychiatrist alone first then bring in your parents in another session and then bring in everyone involved in a third session. Works wonders if you're willing to work with it. EDIT: Most school counselors I've dealt with aren't very good at group therapy compared to the people that specialize in it. (obviously) Although, YMMV as always. Talking to people that care and listen (ex: your pastor like you said) help and group therapists really help things move along quickly and calmy. (My experience YMMV again)

Wow that is incredible, I believe that there is a court date coming up with my parents, maybe I will make an appearance and ask the judge to make a group visit mandatory (otherwise even if I ask both parents to go it won't happen) and if not I will definitely visit one in the near future.

 

[Oistrakh]

two words; boarding school

 

[450]

Quote:

Originally Posted by arnoldsoccer4 /img/forum/go_quote.gif Wow that is incredible, I believe that there is a court date coming up with my parents, maybe I will make an appearance and ask the judge to make a group visit mandatory (otherwise even if I ask both parents to go it won't happen) and if not I will definitely visit one in the near future.

Well in my case I had to take some medicine for a while but my psychiatrist doubled as my therapist/counselor.

Also, keep in mind group therapy completely *FAILS* if both parties aren't willing to participate. Which means you must get everyone that will attend the meeting to be somewhat positive about it. One way (the one I did) was claim that I was having problems and I needed to get them sorted out. I tryed to tell them it wasn't their problem but mine (although eventually it turned out I had some more problems...all were sorted out). But if everyone cooperates and understands why they're going and actively participates and will do what they say they will do at the meeting then everything should be much better.

Good Luck!

 

[krmathis]

Best of luck to you!