[Clutz]

I've spoken about this a little bit in the past, asking for various bits of advice- but this is a more general question - looking for moral support, philosophical advice, etc.

I absolutely love the city I am living in. I grew up in Toronto, Ontario and moved to Vancouver, British Columbia for graduate school. I love this city - Vancouver. I love the summers, I love the winters, I love the mountains, and I love the ocean. I love our neighbourhood - it's one of the most livable neighbourhoods I've ever been in - maybe not the hippest, but oh-so-livable. We can easily walk to all the stores we need to use on a regular basis, video store is across the street. We love taking our dog for walks through the area, because it's so beautiful and green. In short, I feel very happy, content and more generally at ease than I have ever been in my entire life. I have a psychiatrist I see on a weekly basis whom I think is fabulous. We have family nearby (my in-laws, but I'm very close to them). And I've decided to move to Minneapolis/Saint Paul, MN for a postdoc job - it's actually very close to my dream post-doc job. A postdoc job that will give me a chance to become a professor one day (my dream job!).

But I feel very scared to move. I'm moving my wife from her home city, her friends and family - a job she loves. She won't be able to work for up to 4 months while we wait for her work permit to be processed. I'm moving away from the city I love, a psychiatrist I am very comfortable with.

IN short, I'm moving away from things that are very good, a situation both my wife and I are happy in, to a new environment where our happiness level is unknown, just so that I can have a chance at becoming a University professor. My dream job. I would give myself pretty good odds at being able to get a professors job at a major research University, but not necessarily one of my top university choices. Given what I am about to become trained to do, my guess is that I won't end up back in Canada, because very little of this kind of work is done in Canada, partially because of a lack of funding. It's almost done exclusively in the United States. So by doing this- moving to Minneapolis so I can take a postdoc job that'll let me have a chance at my dream job, which in all probability will require me never again living in my favourite city.

I really, really want to go take this postdoc job. It is going to be doing very cutting edge research, stuff that no one else is doing or has even thought of doing yet. I will have a ton of academic and intellectual freedom. But at the same time, I very much want to stay in Vancouver.

Help!

 

[Uncle Erik]

I spent a number of years in the Northwest - I truly love it there. But a series of events put me back in Los Angeles. Family, work, many things. I thought I never wanted to come back, but the city has grown on me. I've come to enjoy living here again.

I think what would help you is thinking about how good your new city could be. You're happy now and I think you could be just as happy there. It's the uncertainty that gets in the way. I haven't been to Minneapolis/St. Paul, but a co-worker is from there. He just loves it, so I'm sure there's lots to offer.

I hope it goes well for you and keep us updated.

 

[Fud]

Sounds to me like you've already made your choice, and vancouver will miss you =)

IMO you're more likely to regret not taking the chance then you are moving and having to move back here because the job wasn't the right fit. You can always move back, but that job opportunity probably won't last forever.

Good luck Clutz!

 

[nysulli]

go for it, because you never really know what the future might bring, you may end up loving Minneapolis just as you love vancouver, to me as someone who recently got out of grad school and moved on, it sounds exactly like what you want for the future, and while you might suffer a bit now, you have the potential to offer your family a very secure future (tenure is a great thing) as well as love your work, which I think few people can truely say.

all in all, it sounds like you'll be really happy in Minn, and in time the 2 of you will have a new circle of friends around you, not to mention being a lot closer to your family (if their still in Toronto)

whats the worst that will happen, you don't like it, and you move on to better things, hardly a worst case scenario

 

[Clutz]

I am both looking forward to moving to Minneapolis, and rather scared of it. I think it'll be an exciting new change in our lives - and I think change is good. I think that often times if you are afraid of doing something, then it's probably a good thing to consider doing. I was scared of moving to Vancouver from Toronto, and ultimately I think that was also the right thing to do, though I'm not sure I knew it at the time (damn it I would love a cigarette right now - haven't smoked regularly in 3+ years)

But every time I take my dog for a walk around the neighbourhood now, I think "which way do I want to go, to maximize my coverage of the neighbourhood before we move?". I keep thikning about what it is going to be like locking our apartment door that one last time before we move. Driving to our in laws place, one last time - on our way out of town. Driving down that lonely highway 99 to the border with the USA, and then beyond. ONce we get to the beyond, I think the fear will subside and the excitement will take over - but until then, I think we are going to be experiencing a lot of pain, tears and questioning about whether this was the right decision for our young family. GOd I could go for a cigarette right now!

I also am really happy with my psychiatrist I have right now - he's been very good at helping me deal with my generalized anxiety disorder, my mood swings (i'm bipolar). When I get stressed out, I know I have someone I can count on with an hour long appointment in less than a week... And if need be, I can always come in mid week for an emergency session. I won't have that for a few weeks in MInneapolis while I find another shrink that I really bond well with.

SO I am nervous. In my heart, I feel that I know that this is right - it's just my brain screwing with me here. I love Vancouver and I love this neighbourhood in a way I've never loved somewhere I've lived before. IT is scary to me to leave somewhere I love so much and feel so safe. I never felt this safe or loved in Toronto (Don't get me wrong, I love my hometown!)

I am just scared! Scared is normal I suppose, but it doesn't make it more pleasant.

Cheers all,
Brad

 

[Drag0n]

I would hope that you at least visited the area you may be moving to, before commiting to a move, then you can see if it can also feel like home for you.

 

[Clutz]

I've visited Minneapolis twice now - once a year ago for an interview and to check the city out, and then back in June because I had a conference which happened to be there. I think it'll take a while before it'll feel like home - but it took almost two years before Vancouver felt like home, and I love Vancouver now ,.

 

[Jaska]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Clutz /img/forum/go_quote.gif I'm moving my wife from her home city, her friends and family - a job she loves.

There's the sticky part. I spent the first 30 years of my life in my native country (USA), and married a Finn when I was 23. We spent a few years living in my hometown, she stayed busy in school, and we had our first two kids there. She never was able to adjust to the life there, and finally we decided to move to her hometown in Finland in 2001.

Since moving here, I've had to learn a new language, go through the process of getting permanent residence, and find a new career, which took a grueling 2 years while we scraped by on the profit we had made from the sale of our house. I went through difficulties in my life the likes of which I'm honestly not able to put into words.

At this point, I can truly say that I'm happy for the way things turned out. I found a very satisfying job, we had our 3rd child a little over a year ago, and we travel to the States every other summer for a few weeks.

Leaving things behind and thinking about losses is torture. My wife and I have both dealt with this for long periods of time, and learned a lot in the process. Whatever you decide to do, I hope you never underestimate the sacrifices your wife may have to make along the way. You will need her to be your companion--your "permanent home" wherever you are--and likewise she will need even more attention and support from you.

Good luck, Professor!

 

[Clutz]

Wow Jaska, that was a very thoughtful and helpful reply, thank you so much for your generosity

Cheers,
Brad