[Al4x]

ill give you my take

how about an excercise bike or something, to do stuff outside would be better, but i understand doing it in public may be humiliating

i have/had the opposite, skinny chap, but cause I wanted to change ive put so much effort into it and it has made me feel better,

now, even better, ive got myself the most amazing lass as of yesterday and for the first time in years i feel great! she deserves better than me so i need to be the best i can for her!

been there

 

[iszatso]

Be careful that you do not end up being her "enabler."

 

[Billyk]

Quote:

Originally Posted by iszatso /img/forum/go_quote.gif Be careful that you do not end up being her "enabler."

Co-dependency can sneak up on you guys and this situation seems ripe for it, be careful. I applaud your efforts in trying to get her(?) to get out and about. I would suggest some professional help, therapy can do good things. Sometimes a prescription can help too. It is worth looking into, I know it helped me with a messy divorce; nothing will drain a person of self worth like being dumped after 14 years! BTW that was 14 years ago.

 

[Spareribs]

From what I see where I live, obese people are common and they still can make friends. Ideally, people should maintain a reasonable weight but being large is not the end of social life. I see obese people hanging out in malls, restaurants, movie theaters all the time. I think she can easily make friends if she participates more by getting out there.

 

[filipelli]

I can understand that even excercising can bring out anxieties. Going to a gym with a bunch of really fit people and struggling on a machine...

Eating right would be very important. But I suggest taking up a hobby or joining a club. This is how you get yourself out there and this is how you start becoming passionate about something. Friends and acquaintances start forming after that.

 

[Kirosia]

Quote:

I can understand that even excercising can bring out anxieties. Going to a gym with a bunch of really fit people and struggling on a machine...

That's not a good reason. You can work out at home, I've shed many pounds by dieting and doing bodyweight exercises. Hell if you have your own place, you can build your gym.

 

[filipelli]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kirosia /img/forum/go_quote.gif That's not a good reason. You can work out at home, I've shed many pounds by dieting and doing bodyweight exercises. Hell if you have your own place, you can build your gym.

Um. but Kirosia, can you see that exercising can bring out anxieties? Of course it is not an excuse...but am I not stating the truth when it comes to gyms? Of course you can exercise at home.

 

[Kirosia]

Yes, but you stated as if you can only exercise by going to a gym, which is untrue. Many people are deterred from working out because they don't realize it can be done in the privacy of one's own home.

 

[filipelli]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kirosia /img/forum/go_quote.gif Yes, but you stated as if you can only exercise by going to a gym, which is untrue. Many people are deterred from working out because they don't realize it can be done in the privacy of one's own home.

I guess how it was expressed didn't come out how I intended.

I said, "even exercising can bring out anxieties". Not to say that it does 100% of the time, but that it can.

 

[Kirosia]

Quote:

Originally Posted by filipelli /img/forum/go_quote.gif I said, "even exercising can bring out anxieties". Not to say that it does 100% of the time, but that it can.

But then you reference going to a gym, without mentioning any alternatives. Regardless of intent, this may give people a negative impression about exercise.

 

[krmathis]

No, just kidding.

 

[iriverdude]

Being fat , or indeed healty has no relevence if you're happy or depressed. You can be fat, happy and outgoing and healthy but depressed.

 

[Kirosia]

If I'm depressed, I often exercise and it makes me feel so much better. Exercise may not be a cure all, but it definitely can't hurt.

 

[mark2410]

i say get her a hobby that can give her a common point of reference to talk to people about, like all us nutters on here are doing

if the fat thing is a big issues how about getting her to join weight watchers, get less fat and a hobby all in one

 

[MaZa]

Quote:

Originally Posted by iriverdude /img/forum/go_quote.gif Being fat , or indeed healty has no relevence if you're happy or depressed. You can be fat, happy and outgoing and healthy but depressed.

This isnt about depression, this is about being overly introvert and lacking confidence.