[10068]

Hello, my ex (who still lives me at the moment, yeah it's wierd) needs to make some friends but she has rather low self-esteem, mostly due to being obese, and also has anxiety issues as well. These tie into the self-esteem obviously but some are independent of that.

Anyway, wondering if I can get some advice from someone who's "been there"? Most of my current friends I have kept from high school so I can't really comment since I haven't had to make new friends in years.

Thanks in advance!

 

[Kirosia]

Tell her to be more confident as well as diet and exercise. She'll feel better physically and mentally.

 

[LeftyGorilla]

She should take a 20 minute walk once or twice a day. She'll feel much better and will be out in society.

 

[Sherwood]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kirosia /img/forum/go_quote.gif Diet and exercise.

Ding ding ding. Plus, join some groups of some sort. Book club, knitting club, volunteer organization, etc. You have to be where people are to meet them.

There's no magic bullet. Everything she'll have to do is something she does not want to do. The fact that she doesn't want to is why she's in the situation she's in.

 

[LingLing1337]

+1 on diet and exercise, she'll be a new person if she eats properly and exercises for 1/2hr a day for a month.

 

[Currawong]

EFT Home - World Center for EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) - Download the free manual. If the wafting in the first 20 or so pages is tiresome, skip to the basic method, learn it, try it on everything. YMMV, sometimes it has amazing results, sometimes doesn't do much, but it works. It'll help make it easier to do all the other things she wants to do in life.

 

[limpidglitch]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sherwood /img/forum/go_quote.gif …join some groups of some sort. Book club, knitting club, volunteer organization, etc. You have to be where people are to meet them.

I'd go for this, being social is the only way. You can of course combine exercise and being social, I think that would be close to optimal.

 

[wuwhere]

Try to be funny, tell jokes and being social. It makes other people comfortable to be with you.

 

[Earwax]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Currawong /img/forum/go_quote.gif EFT Home - World Center for EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) - Download the free manual. If the wafting in the first 20 or so pages is tiresome, skip to the basic method, learn it, try it on everything. YMMV, sometimes it has amazing results, sometimes doesn't do much, but it works. It'll help make it easier to do all the other things she wants to do in life.

+1

 

[priest]

Quote:

Originally Posted by LeftyGorilla /img/forum/go_quote.gif She should take a 20 minute walk once or twice a day. She'll feel much better and will be out in society.

This is excellent advice. Not trying to do too much at once is the key. Small changes are real changes.

ps, you are to be commended for sticking by her and being a compassionate person.

 

[ClaudeRaines]

Living with someone besides her X would be a good place to start. Tell her to forget about what other people think too.

 

[Nocturnal310]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kirosia /img/forum/go_quote.gif Tell her to be more confident as well as diet and exercise. She'll feel better physically and mentally.

just be ordering someone cannot suddenly become confident.


There is a field of psychology called 'NLP (Neuro-linguistic programming)' ..i attended some workshops...it really helps in improving someone's confidence levels.

its kind of a simpler version of hypnosis and works better on women as they are more emotional than men.

i suggest u read more into it or consult some psychologist.


regarding the social interaction anxiety
i also had anxiety issues few years back ...especially when talking to hot girls in college even though most were attracted to me.

there is a type of breathing known as 'deep breathing' or 'buddha breathing'....in which u breath via diaphragm and not upper part of the lung...this reduces release of adrenaline and person feels much much relaxed.

in the end....goin out and interacting with people is highly important for any human being.

and btw ..the self-help books wont help much...they are just mental masturbation.

 

[MaZa]

Exercising does indeed increase self confidence and courage a bit, but that doesnt necessarily remove traits of unsocial personality, being overall uncomfortable and anxious with other people around and perhaps even locking out in very sudden happenings but it does still help.

 

[krmathis]

+1 for diet and exercise (outside).
Loose weight = gain confidence. While exercising she may even meet new people who may end up as friends.

 

[ClaudeRaines]

Exercise will reduce Anxiety as well. And some Xanax!