How do you tell your girl you don't like the gift she bought for you?
Jul 2, 2009 at 2:17 AM Post #31 of 87
How to get your cake and eat it too.......eBay is your friend. Accept the gift and thank her...sell it on eBay when the coast is clear and buy the gear you want with the proceeds
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If she catches you just tell her you were selling it to get her something with the proceeds (a surprise) ....win win.

I know, you can thank me later ......
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Peete.
 
Jul 2, 2009 at 3:08 AM Post #33 of 87
A backhand and a warning?






















































I'm kidding.

You should tell her your desire for gifting. Be ready to give ideas all the time and in all price ranges though. If she wants to please you, she'll know what you want and what you would use. If she continues to get you what she thinks you need, warning.
 
Jul 2, 2009 at 3:36 AM Post #34 of 87
Quote:

Originally Posted by soundboy /img/forum/go_quote.gif
My gf had no problem telling me she didn't like the gifts I get her....including the engagement ring I got her. Ended up spending thousands more for one she likes. Got engaged last year....and now she tells me she's not in the mood for marriage
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angry_face.gif


Sorry, had to vent.

Back to original topic



I hope you got the ring back.
 
Jul 2, 2009 at 4:04 AM Post #35 of 87
Quote:

Originally Posted by soundboy /img/forum/go_quote.gif
My gf had no problem telling me she didn't like the gifts I get her....including the engagement ring I got her. Ended up spending thousands more for one she likes. Got engaged last year....and now she tells me she's not in the mood for marriage
confused.gif
angry_face.gif


Sorry, had to vent.

Back to original topic



RUN, don't walk away. These are red flags beating you over the head. If you get married, you will pay in more ways than one. You have been warned.


OP: I am pretty sure that in ever relationship someone gets something as a gift from the other that is not exactly in the same ballpark as what you find useful. It happens; take it in stride, and be appreciative. She tried. If she makes a habit about it, then you need to tell the truth. No sense in wasting money again and again. If it comes to that, be sure to use tact. If she gets defensive, then you are with the wrong girl.

Too many people settle because they think they cannot do any better. That is why divorce is at 50%. Not aiming this at anyone, but it is worth saying in general.
 
Jul 2, 2009 at 6:11 AM Post #36 of 87
Quote:

Originally Posted by roadtonowhere08 /img/forum/go_quote.gif
RUN, don't walk away. These are red flags beating you over the head. If you get married, you will pay in more ways than one. You have been warned.


OP: I am pretty sure that in ever relationship someone gets something as a gift from the other that is not exactly in the same ballpark as what you find useful. It happens; take it in stride, and be appreciative. She tried. If she makes a habit about it, then you need to tell the truth. No sense in wasting money again and again. If it comes to that, be sure to use tact. If she gets defensive, then you are with the wrong girl.

Too many people settle because they think they cannot do any better. That is why divorce is at 50%. Not aiming this at anyone, but it is worth saying in general.



QFT, this dude knows what's up. Fool me once...
 
Jul 2, 2009 at 6:31 AM Post #37 of 87
Quote:

Originally Posted by soundboy /img/forum/go_quote.gif
My gf had no problem telling me she didn't like the gifts I get her....including the engagement ring I got her. Ended up spending thousands more for one she likes. Got engaged last year....and now she tells me she's not in the mood for marriage
confused.gif
angry_face.gif


Sorry, had to vent.

Back to original topic



And the OP thought he had problems... LOL

Sorry dude, but you need to move on. IMO "the one" won't give a damn about the size of the rock, and in turn you won't care about how much you end up spending.
 
Jul 2, 2009 at 12:48 PM Post #38 of 87
Quote:

Originally Posted by DocHamm /img/forum/go_quote.gif
Guess I'm an odd one because I would sit down and tell her the truth. I believe honesty is the key to any lasting relationship.



I'm as odd as you
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How about something truly novel and not exchanging gifts at all??? (I know, that's really, really odd)
tongue_smile.gif


roadtonowhere08 speaks the truth, btw. Great advice.
 
Jul 2, 2009 at 1:47 PM Post #39 of 87
Quote:

Originally Posted by soundboy /img/forum/go_quote.gif
My gf had no problem telling me she didn't like the gifts I get her....including the engagement ring I got her. Ended up spending thousands more for one she likes. Got engaged last year....and now she tells me she's not in the mood for marriage
confused.gif
angry_face.gif


Sorry, had to vent.

Back to original topic



Owned. You clearly had warning signs.
 
Jul 2, 2009 at 2:15 PM Post #40 of 87
Two sides are weighing in here:

1. Tell her the truth. Truth is the foundation of any strong relationship.
2. Suck it up -- stay quiet. Don't hurt her feelings -- be sensitive.

A lot of merit on both sides. You need to do both, and here's how.

First of all, think deeper. As you said yourself, you might need better bath products, and your gf might be making a suggestion. Second, study Lush. Pretty interesting and responsible company it seems. And hey, your gf is "in" to it, so why shouldn't you expand your world a bit and "expose" yourself to their products (sorry about the pun -- couldn't help it).

After all, shared interests, or at least mutual respect for each other's interests, ranks up their with truth in importance to a relationship, and is probabaly just below having the hots for each other as the key glue to making it last. Hey -- my world changed when I got the Denon D2000's on my wife's head and she finally understood, and now supports, my hobby!

So with an open mind, respect for what Lush stands for, a desire to understand your gf's interest, a goal of sharing something, and (last but not least) appreciation for her gift, for what she did, for the thinking she put in to it -- USE THE STUFF, at least once.

If you feel the need to not use it, or sell it on eBay, then dude you do not love this girl and move on. Dig down. You should, somewhere in your soul, WANT to use it. Maybe deep, but if you don't have this desire anywhere then you fail a fundamental feeling for your gf. Sorry to be blunt.

OK, so you do want to try and see the world her way, you do want to learn what makes her tick, understand why she would enjoy this, and share more, and you do use it.

Now you tell the truth. "Honey, at first I was a bit surprised ... I mean I think of myself as 40 Mule Garage Hand Cleaner, not Lush. But you love this stuff, and I love you ... so I tried it last night."

Continue with more truth: "To be honest, I didn't really like it" or "To be honest, it was fine, but no different for me than Dial soap" or "Who would have guessed, but it is really great".

And then (especially if your reaction is negative): "I took the time to read more about Lush than I had before, and I was impressed with their ethics and policies. Pretty neat, and I see why you like them, and I like you because you like them"

My hope is that you really had all this figured out on your own, 'cause your smarter than me ... it took one spectacularly failed marriage of 14 years for me to understand what makes a relationship work, stayed single for 14 more years on purpose, and now am in the 12th year of a spectacularly successful marriage, for which I give thanks every day. Except she hogs the Denons.
 
Jul 2, 2009 at 2:25 PM Post #41 of 87
Quote:

Originally Posted by wavoman /img/forum/go_quote.gif
Two sides are weighing in here:

1. Tell her the truth. Truth is the foundation of any strong relationship.
2. Suck it up -- stay quiet. Don't hurt her feelings -- be sensitive.

A lot of merit on both sides. You need to do both, and here's how.

First of all, think deeper. As you said yourself, you might need better bath products, and your gf might be making a suggestion. Second, study Lush. Pretty interesting and responsible company it seems. And hey, your gf is "in" to it, so why shouldn't you expand your world a bit and "expose" yourself to their products (sorry about the pun -- couldn't help it).

After all, shared interests, or at least mutual respect for each other's interests, ranks up their with truth in importance to a relationship, and is probabaly just below having the hots for each other as the key glue to making it last. Hey -- my world changed when I got the Denon D2000's on my wife's head and she finally understood, and now supports, my hobby!

So with an open mind, respect for what Lush stands for, a desire to understand your gf's interest, a goal of sharing something, and (last but not least) appreciation for her gift, for what she did, for the thinking she put in to it -- USE THE STUFF, at least once.

If you feel the need to not use it, or sell it on eBay, then dude you do not love this girl and move on. Dig down. You should, somewhere in your soul, WANT to use it. Maybe deep, but if you don't have this desire anywhere then you fail a fundamental feeling for your gf. Sorry to be blunt.

OK, so you do want to try and see the world her way, you do want to learn what makes her tick, understand why she would enjoy this, and share more, and you do use it.

Now you tell the truth. "Honey, at first I was a bit surprised ... I mean I think of myself as 40 Mule Garage Hand Cleaner, not Lush. But you love this stuff, and I love you ... so I tried it last night."

Continue with more truth: "To be honest, I didn't really like it" or "To be honest, it was fine, but no different for me than Dial soap" or "Who would have guessed, but it is really great".

And then (especially if your reaction is negative): "I took the time to read more about Lush than I had before, and I was impressed with their ethics and policies. Pretty neat, and I see why you like them, and I like you because you like them"

My hope is that you really had all this figured out on your own, 'cause your smarter than me ... it took one spectacularly failed marriage of 14 years for me to understand what makes a relationship work, stayed single for 14 more years on purpose, and now am in the 12th year of a spectacularly successful marriage, for which I give thanks every day. Except she hogs the Denons.



What he said x2
 
Jul 2, 2009 at 3:04 PM Post #42 of 87
Quote:

Originally Posted by wavoman /img/forum/go_quote.gif
Two sides are weighing in here:

1. Tell her the truth. Truth is the foundation of any strong relationship.
2. Suck it up -- stay quiet. Don't hurt her feelings -- be sensitive.

A lot of merit on both sides. You need to do both, and here's how.

First of all, think deeper. As you said yourself, you might need better bath products, and your gf might be making a suggestion. Second, study Lush. Pretty interesting and responsible company it seems. And hey, your gf is "in" to it, so why shouldn't you expand your world a bit and "expose" yourself to their products (sorry about the pun -- couldn't help it).

After all, shared interests, or at least mutual respect for each other's interests, ranks up their with truth in importance to a relationship, and is probabaly just below having the hots for each other as the key glue to making it last. Hey -- my world changed when I got the Denon D2000's on my wife's head and she finally understood, and now supports, my hobby!

So with an open mind, respect for what Lush stands for, a desire to understand your gf's interest, a goal of sharing something, and (last but not least) appreciation for her gift, for what she did, for the thinking she put in to it -- USE THE STUFF, at least once.

If you feel the need to not use it, or sell it on eBay, then dude you do not love this girl and move on. Dig down. You should, somewhere in your soul, WANT to use it. Maybe deep, but if you don't have this desire anywhere then you fail a fundamental feeling for your gf. Sorry to be blunt.

OK, so you do want to try and see the world her way, you do want to learn what makes her tick, understand why she would enjoy this, and share more, and you do use it.

Now you tell the truth. "Honey, at first I was a bit surprised ... I mean I think of myself as 40 Mule Garage Hand Cleaner, not Lush. But you love this stuff, and I love you ... so I tried it last night."

Continue with more truth: "To be honest, I didn't really like it" or "To be honest, it was fine, but no different for me than Dial soap" or "Who would have guessed, but it is really great".

And then (especially if your reaction is negative): "I took the time to read more about Lush than I had before, and I was impressed with their ethics and policies. Pretty neat, and I see why you like them, and I like you because you like them"

My hope is that you really had all this figured out on your own, 'cause your smarter than me ... it took one spectacularly failed marriage of 14 years for me to understand what makes a relationship work, stayed single for 14 more years on purpose, and now am in the 12th year of a spectacularly successful marriage, for which I give thanks every day. Except she hogs the Denons.



This gets the Czilla9000 award for awesomeness.
beerchug.gif
 
Jul 2, 2009 at 5:34 PM Post #44 of 87
Quote:

Originally Posted by Al4x /img/forum/go_quote.gif
i consider myself lucky, the lass i may be very closer to getting with [fingers crossed] would tell me if she didnt like something i got her, i really appreciate that


Had to do a double-take on that. I'm guessing "getting with" is a colloquialism with a different meaning here in the colonie..erm... the states.
 
Jul 2, 2009 at 5:53 PM Post #45 of 87
i i didnt know how else to put it but i think iknow what you mean?,

to clarify, i meant for relationship. most important week of my life next week
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but yeah im lucky shes honest, im a big fan of trust/honesty even if it hurts
 

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