Day 361 "Daily Horoscope - Taurus"
You’re going to die today. Your best friend, a small cuddly creature of imaginary origins, will slit your throat, then lovingly swallow your soul. Moments before, you will receive a text. The woman you love shall inform you that she is marrying that Hatian midget you despise so very dear. “He’s incredible”, she says, as your heart cracks apart even further, something you were unsure until that very second was even possible. You will have a small funeral, consisting of your parents and two nieces. In her eulogy, the thick one will say, “He was a good man, but he had an unhealthy obsession with Big Bird”, the skinny one, “He cursed at me. A lot.” You will be forgotten, an unloved, unremarkable, and honestly not quite easy-to-look-at fool that died the way he lived, "under incredibly strange circumstances".