DARNIT!!! The top of my beer bottle broke off, what do I do?
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ajt976

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So I got home tonight, you know all in a good mood cause it seems things are really going my way this week and I read the "Thank you Slappa" thread which reminded to check my mail. Then, you guessed it, turns out I won me a $25 gift certificate!!! And I'm thinkin "Man, this week owns all others, things are turnin up!!!" So I figure I'd throw a bottle of Guinness Draught in the freezer for an hour so I could enjoy my favorite icy cold treat to celebrate this joyous occasion. Now I'm wandering around head-fi, reading up on whats new and looking at the FS forums and such and my "BEER!" alarm on my cell phone goes off to tell me the hour is up. I ran to the deep freeze to check on that nicely chilled black bottle, but alas, it still wasn't "icy" cold as the bottle proclaims it should be. Next I run upstairs and nuke one of those microwave french bread pizzas, you know, Red Baron style...I mean pizza and beer do have synergy right? Next thing I know I'm raiding my entire house looking for a freakin bottle opener, but to no avail!!! So, I did what any desperate guy would do and found the nearest flat edged object, laid the rim of the cap on the edge and popped down on it with my open palm. *Pppphloop!!* followed by that rich foam created by the nitrogen filled Rocket Widget. "Aaahhh", a sigh of temporary relief, I say to myself as I pull the bottle up to my lips...BUT WAIT! What the duece? The dad gummed rounded lip of the bottleneck snapped off with the lid!!! Oh NO!!! What's a guy to do? I mean the bottle does say "Drink straight from the bottle" right? No way am I gonna pour it into a glass...

Well, crap...maybe my luck ran out. I managed stub my toe runnin to find a bottle opener, burn the roof of my mouth on that pizza (DAMNED you Red Baron, I'll get you yet!), and break the top of my Guinness bottle off. In the end I'm nursing my toe, cooling my mouth with icy cold beer and trying very carefully not to cut my lips on the sharp glassy edges of the bottle!


Has this ever happened to you or someone you know? What did you/they do about this horrendous situation and did you/they ever recover? At least I have that smooth, rich taste to fall back on...IMO it's worth risking my lips for!
 
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[popple]

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Luckily I've never seemed to take the top of the bottle off when removing a cap on a flat edge, not quite sure about your techinique there
.

Unfortunately, I always burn the top of my mouth on french bread pizza, it's a fact. I really don't think it can be helped? I bet it's just the French getting revenge on us for hating them
.

For the sake of the rest of your mouth, don't you think it would have been sensible to pour the beer into a glass? I know it says drink from the bottle, but would it alter the taste so much that you wouldn't like the beer just because you're drinking from a glass? I not much of an expert when it comes to beer so I wouldn't really know.
 
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ajt976

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First of all, I would like to inform you all that after careful execution I DID manage to finish off my beer with zero damage to my lips/mouth, I know you were quite concerned!


I think what happened with the breakage was in my excitedness and, uhh, anxiety to get the top off instead of lining the rim of the cap on the edge I actually caught the rounded lip of the glass. I'm surprised though, it was a rather clean break...took the entire lip right off the top. O well, guess I've learned my lesson. And yes popple, I would like to stick with what they say to do on the bottle, after all those "brilliant" guys sound like they know what they're talking about.

Good point about the French revenge...do they really have to target our mouth roofs?

Anyone else have an encounter with such an atrocity? I'm curious to see how others have reacted, maybe you could help improve my openerless bottle opening techniques.
 
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dj_mocok

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The only time I broke the mouth of the beer bottle was when I used my el-cheapo wine opener to open the bottle (it has bottle opener on the top).

So yes, it cracked, and I'm actually not so sure whether there were glass shards went in to the beer.
So I just poured it carefully into the glass and drank it.

Never had this experience when I use my "Mid-range" wine opener though (it also has bottle opener on the top). It opens the lid smoothly and effortlesly...
No sense of harshness or distortion at all...
 
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[popple]

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Quote:

Originally Posted by ajt976
I'm surprised though, it was a rather clean break...took the entire lip right off the top.


Well at least it wasn't all jagged and spikey, that would have been awkward to drink from.

Glad to hear you successfully pulled it off though, congratulations
.
 
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bugsjr

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You say you didnt have a "bottle opener" handy? Well my friend, there has been many a time when this has happend to me. Especially at a deserted surf break with a cooler full of icy cold Heineken and NO bottle opener! Well today is you lucky day! "How can this be?" you ask yourself. Well come closer friend and let me tell you how any "flat" object can and will become a lethal bottle opener in YOUR hands, YES, YOUR hands! I will walk you through the steps (sorry no pics as my asistant has passed out to drunk to take pictures!) So here goes!

step 1. Hold the bottle by the neck in your left hand (right if your left handed) just under the offending bottle cap.

step 2. Take your "flat" object (disposable lighter, comb or brush handle, seat belt end (remember its not good to drink and drive, you may hit a bump and spill your beer!) in your opposite hand and place one end under the lip of the offending bottle cap.

step 3. Using your index finger, close the gap between the "flat" object and the bottle cap (your index finger under the flat object)

step 4. Now using your index finger as the fulcrum, lever the "flat" object's opposite end (the one in your hand) down, making sure the fulcrum (opposite hand's index finger) puts pressure under the bottle cap lip.

If you did it right, the cap should just pop off, if you did it wrong you most likely broke the seal and you just need to do it again!

Amaze your friends, and ruin everyones disposable lighters!
Good Luck
 
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bugsjr

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p.s. as for the pizza incident, sorry bro, your on your own on that one!
 
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acs236

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Quote:

Originally Posted by ajt976
What's a guy to do? I mean the bottle does say "Drink straight from the bottle" right? No way am I gonna pour it into a glass...



Just because you can drink pub draught Guiness from the bottle, doesn't mean you ought to or even that you should. Guiness is an ale that deserves to be seen as well as tasted -- as I'm sure you know. So pour it into a nice glass if you ever find yourself in this situation again.
 
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Glod

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Quote:

Originally Posted by acs236
Just because you can drink pub draught Guiness from the bottle, does me you ought to or even that you should. Guiness is an ale that deserves to be seen as well as tasted -- as I'm sure you know. So pour it into a nice glass if you ever find yourself in this situation again.


You are right about that. A Guiness with out a firm, inch thick, head is unthinkable IMO.
 
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Ttvetjanu

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I once hit a bottle against a flat surface, but instead of the cap falling off, the bottom did, one drink wasted
. I've heard about this happening to other people aswell.
 
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KYTGuy

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there is a company that makes a stainless steel ring that is a bottle opener - goes for about $12...

I think it is called "the ring thing"...
 
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rickcr42

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Severe Alcohol Abuse !

NEVER waste a single drop or you are cut off dude !

Quote:

step 1. Hold the bottle by the neck in your left hand (right if your left handed) just under the offending bottle cap.
step 2........etc


Yup.This should be a required course in "Beer 101" if you have the audacity to drink a good beer and in fact if you don't know how to properly open the bottle without spillage and without a bottle opener they should not sell the beer to you.

You re not ready to step up to the big time yet and should stick with pull tab skunky beers
 
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jefemeister

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To the best of my knowledge and experience Guiness is to be served at 55 degrees. Does the bottle really say "icy cold?" Anyway, funny story.

I ususally use the "lighter trick" to open a beer in a pinch. It's much safer for you, the countertop, and, apparently, the beer itself.
 
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