[HiFiChris]

How do you recognise a desperate and unmated beekeeper? When he comes home, the first thing he says is "Honey, I'm home!".

 

[franzdom]

Do you know why I pulled you over?
 
 
Um...because you thought I had donuts?

 

[wink]

What did the man say to the wall..?


One more crack like that, and I'll plaster you.

 

[wink]

What did the big chimney say to the little chimney..?
 
You're too young to smoke.
 
 
 
What did the stocking say to the hat...?
 
You go on ahead, I'm held up.
 
 
 
Why did the lobster blush..?
 
He saw the salad dressing.

 

[wink]

The man said "It kept getting bigger and bigger, and then it hit me.....!"

 

[wink]

A man walks into a doctor's surgery and states "Doctor, I'm dead".  

 
The doctor tries numerous ways to convince his patient that he wasn't dead, with no success.   

 
Finally he hits on a novel solution to the problem.  

 
He asks the patient "Can corpses bleed..?"   

 
The patient replies " No, of course not.!  Everybody knows that corpses don't bleed".   

 
Whereupon the doctor grabs a scalpel and slashes the patient on his hand.   

 
The doctor asks  "Well, what do you think of that..?" as the blood pours out of the wound and on to the floor.  

 
The patient looks on in astonished wonder, and replies " Will you look at that, corpses do bleed....!!!"       

 

 

[SomeWiseGuy]

Deaf Patient: Doctor, why is that every time I put on my headphones, I don't hear my music?
Wise Doctor: Are your headphones plugged into an iPhone 7?

 

[wink]

Patient: "Doctor, doctor, I'm built upside-down..!"
 
Doctor: "How do you know..?"
 
Patient: "My nose runs and my feet smell....!"

 

[SomeWiseGuy]

Why is the calculator discouraged?
 
Because he could not divide by zero.

 

[wink]

Where does the general keep his armies
 
 
 
Up his sleevesies       groan

 

[franzdom]

Circulation:
 
Red blood goes from the heard to the feet
 
Gets a look at the feet
 
Turns blue and rushes back up to the heart

 

[SomeWiseGuy]

What does everyone in the world grow?

Older.

 

[wink]

If a picture is worth a thousand words - why do pictures need captions...?

 

[SomeWiseGuy]

Hungry Customer: Why is there a fly in my soup?
 
Careless Waiter: It is part of our secret recipe to delicious soup... opps.
 
[Or 2nd Answer]
 
Smart Waiter: We are adopting entomophagy.

 

[wink]

Hungry Customer: There's a fly in my soup?
 
Waiter: Keep it quiet or everybody will want one.
 
 
 
Hungry Customer: What's the fly doing in my soup?
 
Waiter: I believe it's the backstroke. sir...