[SiriuslyCold]

The Tiger
(with apologies to William Blake)

Tiger, Tiger bonking bright
in the fleshpots of the night
what immortal eye or hand
could restore your tarnished brand?

On what pron star’s breasts and thighs,
burnt the fire of your eyes
on what course did your ball run
as you sunk a hole in one?

You always looked so squeaky clean
as you strode across the green
what a relief for other men
to know deep down you’re just like them

All the endorsements down the drain
in what place was kept your brain
how deep the bunker, how long the grass
how costly all the t!ts and ass

Why did you keep your clubs so handy
why did you marry a fearsome scandie
at golf you’ll always be a winner
at cheating you’re a rank beginner

Tiger, Tiger bonking bright
in the fleshpots of the night
what immortal eye or hand
could restore your tarnished brand?


(got this in email - if anyone knows who did this let me know who to credit)

 

[koven]

what's the difference between tiger woods and santa claus?




























santa stops after 3 ho's

 

[crapback]

How do you make a dead baby float?



One scoop of dead baby, and a pint of root beer.

 

[omegaman]

In a recent survey on dwarfs, Six out of Seven said they weren't happy...

 

[AmanGeorge]

My favorite joke (warning, it's not particularly PC...):

A frog and a scorpion are sitting on the banks of the Tigris River. The scorpion walks over to the frog and says "Hey, dude, how do you feel about giving me a ride over to the other side?"

The frog looks incredulously at the scorpion and asks, "Why would I do that? Won't you just sting me?"

The scorpion, comfortingly, says "No, no, think about it, if I stung you, we'd both die because I can't swim".

The frog thinks about it for a second, and finally relents. "Okay, that make sense - hop on and we'll go across."

The scorpion climbs on board, and they start crossing the river.

Halfway across, the scorpion viciously stings the frog.

The frog is shocked. He looks up at the scorpion with eyes wide, and asks "Why did you do that? Now I'm going to die, and you're going to drown!"

The scorpion looks down at the frog and responds,
"Welcome to the Middle East, b****."

 

[AmanGeorge]

Quote:

Originally Posted by omegaman /img/forum/go_quote.gif In a recent survey on dwarfs, Six out of Seven said they weren't happy...

Cute

 

[fatcat28037]

 

[AmanGeorge]

heheheh

 

[9pintube]

A Bandaged DOG Limps Into a Saloon and makes his way over to the BAR and Says, "I'M LOOKIN' for the MAN who SHOT MY PA!!!!!!!!!......OK.... my son doesn't think it's funny either..

 

[demoNMaCHiN3]

http://i.imgur.com/TkJHh.jpg

 

[TopPop]

Quote:

Originally Posted by fatcat28037 /img/forum/go_quote.gif

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaa ahhahahahahhaahaaa

I just sent this to my friend. Awesome. Thanks for the laugh!

 

[AdamCalifornia]

Nobel Peace Prize for 2009.


P.S.
I've wanted badly to contribute to this thread and this is the best

joke I know!

 

[9pintube]

A lady walks into a drug store and ask to speak to the pharmacist, he says "may I help you mam"? She says, " I need some ARSENIC"! The Pharmacist says, "well mam, I can't sell you that and anyway what in the world do you need that for"??? She says." I caught my husband cheating on me with this beautiful women"....The Pharmacist explains, We'll both end up in jail for his Murder,,,,She pulls out a picture of her husband and his lover in the act. He looks and realizes the other women is HIS WIFE....The Pharmacist says why didn't you tell me you had a PRESCRIPTION for IT!!!!!!!

 

[Listen2this1]

It is near the Christmas break of the school year. The students have turned in all their work and there is really nothing more to do.
All the children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early dismissal.

Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and
correctly can leave early today."

Little Johnny says to himself "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart and will answer the question."

Teacher: "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln."

Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home."

Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first.

Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King."

Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go."

Johnny is even madder than before.

Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not what your country can do for you'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F. Kennedy."

Teacher: "That's right Nancy, you may also leave."

Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer to any of the questions.

When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, "I wish these b*****s would keep their mouths shut!"

The teacher turns around: "NOW WHO SAID THAT?"

Johnny says: "TIGER WOODS. Can I go now?"

 

[AmanGeorge]

i like it!