Best devorce letter ever written.
Nov 20, 2008 at 8:17 PM Thread Starter Post #1 of 5


500+ Head-Fier
Aug 16, 2005
Just saw this. Hope you laugh as much as I did.


Dear wife:

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you
forever. I've been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show
for it.
These last 2 weeks have been hell.
Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was
the last straw.
Last week, you came home & didn't even notice I had a new haircut,
had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers.
You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of
your soaps.
You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want sex or
anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either you're cheating on me
or you don't love me anymore; whatever the case, I'm gone.

Your EX-Husband
P.S. don't try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West
Virginia together! Have a great life!

Dear Ex-Husband

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.
It's true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good man
is a far cry from what you've been.
I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant
whining & griping. Too bad that doesn't work.
I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing
that came to mind was 'You look just like a girl!' Since my mother raised me
not to say anything if you can't say something nice, I didn't comment.
And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me
confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago.
About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the
$49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that
my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning.
After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out.
So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job &
bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone.
Everything happens for a reason, I guess.
I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted My lawyer
said that the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a dime from me.

So take care.

Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!

PS. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was
born Carl.

I hope that's not a problem.
Nov 20, 2008 at 8:20 PM Post #2 of 5


Headphoneus Supremus
Sep 30, 2008
Nov 20, 2008 at 9:13 PM Post #5 of 5

Uncle Erik

Uncle Exotic
Mar 18, 2006
That's been around awhile.

My favorite divorce story was back when I did them up in Oregon. Our client's wife demanded exactly half of everything. So the client cut their flyswatter precisely in half, lengthwise, and brought one half for us to give to the other side.

Never made it over - we had half a flyswatter up in reception for years. Too funny not to keep, though we showed it to opposing counsel when he came in. He loved it, too.

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