[fenixdown110]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ronnielee54 /img/forum/go_quote.gif Have you ever considered spending your next vacation in Nevada?

I lol'd. Why travel that far? Just go to an Asian massage parlor where happy endings occur.

 

[Kirosia]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ronnielee54 /img/forum/go_quote.gif Have you ever considered spending your next vacation in Nevada?

It's not about sex (I could probably get laid in a day or two), I just want to have an actual relationship with someone... who hasn't slept with half the city.

 

[Omega]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Germancub /img/forum/go_quote.gif Thank you to each and every one of you for sharing your advice and amazing stories. They all really lifted my spirits! You guys are the best, really I mean that! On another note, my main problem in finding a guy (when I do) for me is that in my "world" so to speak it's getting more and more difficult to find more guys like me. Basically, guys that could be mistaken for being straight, love working on cars, love nerdy things like headphones and would rather stay at home and watch a movie than go out to a club or bar.

I understand the loneliness, really do. But perspective can count for a lot

. An observation...

When you drive the speed limit on a long road trip, all you see are the people driving fast, pasing you by. And maybe one bumper in front of you, and the rearview of the car behind. So it might seem that all the people you encounter are speed demons or slowpokes, leaving you as the sole steady driver on the road. But in reality, you are just pacing a huge number of people ahead and behind you...

I think finding a mate/partner/companion/hunny/lovebird is like this. If you expect to meet someone else who is your own speed, you need to mix it up a little so that you can encounter them. Change lanes, pick up a new hobby, have dinner with old friends and charming new acquaintances (who might themselves have other charming friends). Exercise in public, surf the web or read in a coffee shop. Travel, talk to strangers. Do stuff you enjoy, but do it where you might encounter other people who like doing said stuff. You've got nothing to lose...either you spend time enjoying yourself, or you spend time enjoying yourself and others!

 

[grancasa]

For the OP

A long relationship with an alcoholic can do a number on how you relate to future partners. We learn a lot of bad behaviors in unhealthy relationships and being with an addict can be one of the most unhealthy. I would reccomend looking a bit into co-dependency issues, either on your own, with a friend with some experience, or a group like Al-anon which supports those close to alcoholics. Cause trust me, here in California there are PLENTY of gay men with big old issues around drinking and drugs, and it would be good to learn some new ways to deal with them, as you will most likely run into a partner with these issues at sometime in your future.

 

[logwed]

The biggest problem with being single is just feeling so unwanted. Some of my friends have girls all around them, but I can hardly get a bite. I don't think that I'm unnattractive per se, but I have no one that seems to care for me.

 

[fenixdown110]

I used to be really unpopular with the girls, but people now always comment off hand why girls are always hanging around me. You have to be more forward towards people and humor is always a huge plus. If you can make people laugh, they will tend to want to stay around you. You have to give people a reason to want to care about you. Just my 2 cents. It worked for me.

 

[Uncle Erik]

To the OP: My standard heartbreak/breakup advice is to go do something lifechanging. Go back to school, take up a new hobby, go somewhere you've always wanted, learn a new language, etc. Throwing yourself into something new fills the void and occupies your thoughts. You'll make yourself a better person, too, which is a hell of a lot more productive than dwelling on the past. Try it.

Being single is pretty far from the end of the world, as well. I've had a handful of girlfriends and two engagements.

When Crazy Rita started throwing plates at me in the kitchen, I was pretty sure the relationship wasn't working. I managed to get out the window (she was between me and the door) and sleeping on park bench was not that bad.

Since, I've had a great time being single. There's the occasional fling, but I really like spending time and money as I see fit.

And I don't have to share a bathroom with a woman, either. Having to negotiate for a place to put my comb, toothbrush, toothpaste, razor, and shaving cream drove me nuts. I don't think I'm unreasonable in wanting that. Also, I don't have to drive six hours in either direction to attend a birthday party for a one year old distant cousin while standing around with a drink, making uncomfortable small talk with people I don't know and have little in common with.

Contrast that with the past five days. I swung out through Arizona and visited friends. One's divorced, and another dates, but isn't terribly committed or family-oriented. It was a good time and involved several things that shouldn't be publically admitted to. Such fun would have never happened if Crazy Rita was still around.

 

[fenixdown110]

OMG Having plates flung at you by this Crazy Rita does not sound fun at all... You sure you're still ok after that? Any post traumatic stress disorder from that?

 

[Uncle Erik]

Quote:

Originally Posted by fenixdown110 /img/forum/go_quote.gif OMG Having plates flung at you by this Crazy Rita does not sound fun at all... You sure you're still ok after that? Any post traumatic stress disorder from that?

Doin' fine! '04 was a rough year. Among other things, nearly was killed in a car accident, was arrested for manslaughter in connection therewith (I was found not at fault, released and the other guy somehow lived and got four years in the can for it), my grandmother died, had about $150 to my name at one point, and a bunch of minor stuff.

On the other hand, I ended up with a six figure job and got closer to my family. My closest friend went through a tough divorce (she ran off with some guy) and he moved to Phoenix. So I went down there every few weeks and we blew it out. Still do - just got back from five days down there.

Since, I've dated a few normal women, bought all the toys (almost

) I've ever wanted, have a nice portfolio, steady work, have traveled a bit, lots of new friends, and I dropped about 100 lbs.

Life is good - probably the best it's ever been.

A relationship would be nice but it isn't necessary. If someone good turns up, I'm willing to get married. If not, this is pretty good.

 

[fenixdown110]

hehe Life is full of ups and downs.

 

[roadtonowhere08]

Late to this thread, but hey, two cents is two cents.

In my opinion, if you do not feel complete and happy alone, you will not feel complete or happy with someone else. True happiness comes from within, and being with someone special only makes it that much better. Someone else will NOT make an incomplete person magically complete.

Germancub, do not rush to find someone else. Take the time to get back on track and analyze why you feel the way you do. Feeling empty and lonely while single is not what I would consider a healthy state of mind. Get to the point where you are happy and feel independent, and then see what happens.

Also consider this: the vibes you send out directly influence who you attract. The keepers seek out someone to share their happiness.

 

[scootermafia]

I think we all need Patrick82 to weigh in here.

 

[fenixdown110]

Quote:

Originally Posted by roadtonowhere08 /img/forum/go_quote.gif Late to this thread, but hey, two cents is two cents. In my opinion, if you do not feel complete and happy alone, you will not feel complete or happy with someone else. True happiness comes from within, and being with someone special only makes it that much better. Someone else will NOT make an incomplete person magically complete. Germancub, do not rush to find someone else. Take the time to get back on track and analyze why you feel the way you do. Feeling empty and lonely while single is not what I would consider a healthy state of mind. Get to the point where you are happy and feel independent, and then see what happens. Also consider this: the vibes you send out directly influence who you attract. The keepers seek out someone to share their happiness.

Words of wisdom here. I follow that exactly. No one can make you happy except yourself. I tell others that consistently.

 

[moogoob]

Quote:

Originally Posted by scootermafia /img/forum/go_quote.gif I think we all need Patrick82 to weigh in here.

His advice would probably be along the lines of "wear Hello Kitty undies" or something.

 

[dazzer1975]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Uncle Erik /img/forum/go_quote.gif You'll make yourself a better person, too, which is a hell of a lot more productive than dwelling on the past. Try it.

This guy knows, im in a similar situation to crazy Rita and everything he has said about everything, pre during and post rita is spot on.