Happy Camper
Headphoneus Supremus
Self health is a very important and least understood perspective of relationships. If either person is ill, they will cling and whine when they don't like life, but won't bring anything to the relationship because they don't know themselves.
A person has to learn themselves, the good & bad. How can you find a healthy relationship if you don't know what you need? You are young, have little experience with life issues and don't know how to seek out a proper mate.
When I was 21, I had been married and divorced, through a few relationships (today I wish I was better prepared for one of those as I think I lost a good one), tried finding acceptance through social scenes, etc. I eventually felt that I didn't know what I was wanting but was trying to do what everyone else said was normal.
I took a couple years off of dating, expanded my comfort level and got involved in something that needed my time more (career, family and friendship, spiritual & physical health). I went through life gaining self confidence and learning how to relate with people.
I have been married for 24 years and while there are going to be issues between two people, I know who I am and am happy with life. I sure could complain about several things but take them for what they are, inconvenience. My self esteem has been pretty level once I understood myself better.
In an ongoing development, that one person I wished I had been more mature with, has contacted me after 30 odd years to say that they felt similar. It was a great feeling to know that. We both have lives with other people and families, etc. so nothing more would come of it. It just felt gratifying to know my remorse was justified.
We need to be taught how to develop as a person and a mate. No room in our schooling system to develop the most needed lessons. Perhaps we need to drop some material and work on personal development. When we develop by ourselves, we become selfish and self involved. Bad habits for a relationship. The older you get, the worse it gets.
Once you know who you are and what you need, you can better look for a person who brings to the relationship what best fits for both. That is unless you can get the best out of yourself. I sometimes need a push, something my slavedriver has plenty of.
Wish I'd figured that out earlier.
A person has to learn themselves, the good & bad. How can you find a healthy relationship if you don't know what you need? You are young, have little experience with life issues and don't know how to seek out a proper mate.
When I was 21, I had been married and divorced, through a few relationships (today I wish I was better prepared for one of those as I think I lost a good one), tried finding acceptance through social scenes, etc. I eventually felt that I didn't know what I was wanting but was trying to do what everyone else said was normal.
I took a couple years off of dating, expanded my comfort level and got involved in something that needed my time more (career, family and friendship, spiritual & physical health). I went through life gaining self confidence and learning how to relate with people.
I have been married for 24 years and while there are going to be issues between two people, I know who I am and am happy with life. I sure could complain about several things but take them for what they are, inconvenience. My self esteem has been pretty level once I understood myself better.
In an ongoing development, that one person I wished I had been more mature with, has contacted me after 30 odd years to say that they felt similar. It was a great feeling to know that. We both have lives with other people and families, etc. so nothing more would come of it. It just felt gratifying to know my remorse was justified.
We need to be taught how to develop as a person and a mate. No room in our schooling system to develop the most needed lessons. Perhaps we need to drop some material and work on personal development. When we develop by ourselves, we become selfish and self involved. Bad habits for a relationship. The older you get, the worse it gets.
Once you know who you are and what you need, you can better look for a person who brings to the relationship what best fits for both. That is unless you can get the best out of yourself. I sometimes need a push, something my slavedriver has plenty of.
Wish I'd figured that out earlier.
