[jayehs]

Wow i don't see what the big deal is. It's just taking her to a nice dinner and doing it there. geez. My friends and I put up with lot of stuff than that. I'm not even sure where the compromise is. You are not willing to compromise either by saying "this is the proposal, take it or leave it". Maybe if you are not even willing to do something so simple like taking her out on one of her most important day of her life or realize what this means to her, you probably shouldn't marry her.

Just because we don't care about it, doesn't mean we have to show it. I don't think some of you guys understand how important a proposal is to girls (although it varies among girls). I would be pissed off if someone tried to half ass my most important day (whatever that may be

)

It's like you promised her grado hp-1000 / akg k1k or orpheus or something and you gave her iBuds and said take it or leave it.

 

[Elec]

Her reaction seems like Step 1 on the road to Bridezilla.

Ok, so maybe you didn't give her the perfect fantasy proposal. The whole point of the event is not for her to feel pretty and like she has a wonderful Hollywood life. It's for you to tell her you love her and that you want to spend the rest of your life with her, and for her to (hopefully) tell you she feels the same way. That in itself should be enough to make the event a special one.

If you love her, you want to do what she expects and try to make her happy. But at the same time, you're not her doll to pose and bend to her every whim. If she's not normally demanding and this is an unusual request or caught you completely by surprise, then wait a bit and give her the experience she wants - it means a lot to her. If behavior like this is been there, done that, you may want to consider whether you really want to be with someone who would act this way after you just knelt before her, offered her a ring, and told her you couldn't imagine your life without her.

 

[bhd812]

Quote:

she would say yes, but only when I asked her 'properly' (one knee, formal occasion, 'when we are both dressed up' because 'I want to feel pretty').

If I ever heard that from a woman..LOL oh man..
well maybe there is a good reason why I am single so you dont want my advise on something like this...


I would love to her that now that I think about it, it would be a great and loud laugh...

"Excuse me?"

 

[braillediver]

Single

There should be a leading qualifier to every post- Marital Status.

It's like commenting on headphones you've never heard.


Mitch

 

[Superpredator]

I say we go back to the days of marrying girls for the number of sheep their fathers are willing to give us. How did things get so turned around? The next time I hear, "Where's my ring?" I'm going to reply, "Where's my damn sheep?"

 

[bundee1]

Quote:

Her reaction seems like Step 1 on the road to Bridezilla.

I smelled the same thing from the first post. Be honest with her and if she cant understand then she aint the one. Its really more about the thought. If she isnt happier about the proposal than the whole bs performance around it then she is not a nice person. I had a looooooong relationship with a woman like that. For them your just there to play a part in their fantasy world. Sad but true. The woman I married was happier about being married to me than any stupid ceremony or formality.

 

[grawk]

If this was too much for her to ask, then marriage isn't right for you at this point in your life. Good thing you found out now. It would be a LOT more expensive if you found out 2 weeks after getting married.

 

[larryminator]

marriage is so phony.

Sorry but I hope your girlfriend is not like this in everyday's life; demanding for stupid little details.

I hope you love her because there seems to be a doubt.

 

[Tuberoller]

Wow! How often does a guy get such a crystal clear view into the future? Men rarely get such an opportunity to look into the window that shows the true intentions of their bride-to-be.

I promise you, I'm not trying to be mean or ignorant about this.....but you should return the ring and never ask her to marry you again. What she did then is a clear indication of what she'll do in the future.

edit: BTW, I'm divorced after nearly 20 years of marriage. I'm not saying I wouldn't do it again but I've learned all the hard, expensive lessons and I'll say again that marriage is completely 100% for women. From the engagement to the divorce.

 

[bundee1]

Thanks Tubey you said it. I was with a woman for 7 years. A few years into the relationship I told her I was going to go out with my brother and some friends and she said I couldnt go. I should have left her then and there. Many years and many lost friendships later I left her. I am now happily married to the woman of my dreams who gives me complete freedom and trust. Of course with complete freedom and trust comes great responsibility. A responsibility I am only too happy to fulfill. I love my wife!

 

[Tuberoller]

Quote:

Originally Posted by bundee1 /img/forum/go_quote.gif Thanks Tubey you said it. I was with a woman for 7 years. A few years into the relationship I told her I was going to go out with my brother and some friends and she said I couldnt go. I should have left her then and there. Many years and many lost friendships later I left her. I am now happily married to the woman of my dreams who gives me complete freedom and trust. Of course with complete freedom and trust comes great responsibility. A responsibility I am only too happy to fulfill. I love my wife!

****** that! I wish anyone would attempt to tell me who I can hang out with at this point in my life. I went through that stuff for nearly my entire adult life. Never, ever again.

Congrats on finding a great lady. You are far more than lucky.....you are blessed.

 

[Konig]

wait a minute isnt there a television show that assists guys to propose?

I remember them helping this elevator mechanic renovate his house, set up the atmosphere, give him pedicure + facial service, made him a tailored suit just for the proposal day....

I guess proposal is quite a big thing after all for a girl. When their bitchy girlfriends
ask them they would probably love to show off how much pride you have ceded.

 

[bundee1]

Thanks Tubey. OP I really think you need to think about what you are doing. I like that you are getting counseling before marriage and I agree with what some of the other people said about bringing this up during counseling. Comprimising on some things are ok but never your values. Are you compromising yourself in any way?

 

[trains are bad]

First of all, it's worth repeating that the proto-proposal is done and gone. We are planning on getting married. She bought a DRESS. Ok.

I love this woman but loving doesn't always mean doing ultimately unhealthy things to appease your love. At least I think so.

I was very hurt (to the point of crying) that she basically took my sincere proposal and told me that it wasn't wrapped properly so it wasn't good enough, and that I needed to try again to get it right for her. I didn't just toss the ring at her, we were cuddling in my apartment wondering what to do since the $90 in tickets I bought was wasted due to the rain, and I bought her nice flowers and had them waiting for her when she came over, and this was our anniversary. I was really hurt. I was trying to do my best. It just wasn't good enough for her, and it's so shallow it hurts my feelings, real bad. Because the magnitude of the situation is so direly important beyond fashion or tradition.

I swallowed my pride and went to her house (a 1 hour drive). I didn't re-propose according to the gospel of Jami. I took her out and we talked about it, but it didn't really get anywhere. I told her that she hurt my feelings and that I felt that she was being materialistic and shallow and I'm concerned about her attitude toward our relationship and that marriage wasn't going to be all candlelight dinners and romantic music. She told me that she admits she is selfish and materialistic (her own words) but that that is just the way she is and she insists that she wants to marry me but she also insists that I jump through her hoops.

It's absurd. I'm not sure if she wants to marry me or if she is just filling some starryeyed romantic fantasy and I'm just a placeholder. I've never been exposed to someone so dedicated to an impossible to predict idea of how things are supposed to be, that cannot be deviated from. To be honest I expected more of such a caring and devout christian woman. If this woman has an idol its her selfish ideas of romance.

 

[YamiTenshi]

Sorry to hear things are not working out, but take this as a chance to get a good look at your relationship. She seems like she knows she hurt you and admits her own flaws, but at the same time refuses to change. Is the future that she wants (filled with fairytale/starry-eyed fantasy/Hollywood movie "rituals") really one that you can provide for her, and be happy providing it?

Yes, you are in love right now, but anyone who has been married can tell you that love is not the only thing you need; being madly in love one day doesn't mean there's not going to be a messy divorce 10 years later. If you are willing to swallow your pride and hurt feelings this time what will she ask for next and will you be able to do it again? Is this a "compromise" you can live with for the rest of your life?

I'm not saying that she is wrong in this situation, but that she wants something that you may not be able to give her. And as others have mentioned you seemed kinda young (profile says you are a student), maybe you shouldn't jump into marriage just yet. Give it a few months/years and see if you guys really belong together. Maybe she needs some time to think this through too, to see if she really can compromise living a life that's not all "candlelight dinners and romantic music," who knows maybe she'll realize that "rituals" aren't as important as the ultimate meaning behind them. *fingers crossed*

As for she already brought a DRESS, come on now, that's not an excuse to make a huge mistake that will haunt you for the rest of your life. Better to figure out something is wrong now then 5 years down the line. Don't propose again until you are absolutely sure this is the woman you want until death do you part.