[trains are bad]

My GF and I have been discussing marriage a great deal. We have even informed the parents and started premarital counseling and wedding planning. I just bought a ring that had to be custom-made and it took a while for it to get here, so she didn't have a ring.

I had planned a nice outing to give it to her, but we got rained out. So I just presented it in my apt. She said yes (as expected by me or any rational person) but then flaked out, took the ring off after a few minutes and said that she would say yes, but only when I asked her 'properly' (one knee, formal occasion, 'when we are both dressed up' because 'I want to feel pretty').

I asked her if that was a yes or a no and was brickwalled. I insisted that if she says she will say yes when/if I propose 'properly', then that sounds like a yes to me and it's entirely pointless to fake a ritual. I told her that I just proposed to her, whether she likes it or not, that's a proposal. Or is the answer a no? She tried to explain that the ritual is important to her, even if it's not to me. She left the ring and said that she is going to go home and dress up, and I can come over and take her out to the dinner and play (that we had planned anyway), and if I happened to propose somewhere along the way, she would say yes.

She's done this 'go through the motions or I'm going to be a brat, even though I know you mean well' stunt a few too many times. I think she is playing games.

I think I should stand her up.

I think that complying would be a bad precedent.

But then, maybe I'm just being an insensitive jerk/male.

 

[AuroraProject]

Are you looking to be single? Standing her up is a terrible idea. In my experience, these "situational" type things mean a whole lot more to a woman than they do a man, make her happy, and you'll stay happy.

 

[roastpuff]

Yeah, you have to give in sometimes... If you got rained out, you could've waited for another opportunity to pop the question, you know?

Go pick her up and make her feel like a million bucks. I bet she's feeling really down right now...

 

[darkninja67]

If you truly love her you should go along with her wish.
Pesonally I think going through something staged like that rather than it being spontaneous is really anti-climatic. JMO.

 

[nibiyabi]

Girls start planning their engagements and weddings around the same age boys are flinging boogers at each other. Give in.

EDIT: Though I agree with darkninja regarding the anticlimaticism.

 

[SysteX]

If you compromise and do it, you'll likely end up married. If you stand her up, I guarantee you you'll end up breaking up. Do you want to marry her?

 

[Kees]

Do you really want to marry her?

 

[ecclesand]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kees /img/forum/go_quote.gif Do you really want to marry her?

Ding Ding Ding....WINNER!

You should consider if this is something you can live with or not, because it may get worse after the wedding.

 

[Squeek]

You've really got no choice, and to be honest, it's not a big ask. It's what you had planned initially anyhow.

Aurora is right when he said that these formalities and customs matter more to women. If you don't do this for her, she will resent it for a loooong time. After all, the wedding and all that jazz is really for her. You are just there as a necessary participant.

 

[arnoldsoccer4]

Well before you decide if you want to marry her is this a kind of thing that has happened in the past that really annoys you about her and could cause a divorce somewhere down the road?(It sounds a tad selfish to me, I don't know maybe contrastique could fill us in) Just asking, good luck with whatever you decide.

 

[darkninja67]

Compromise is a huge part of being in a relationship.

 

[Todd R]

It's a girl thing, just do it for her and she'll say yes.

Marrage is all about compromises, getting along and not being selfish.
(18 yrs for us this July)

 

[trains are bad]

I'm willing to compromise, but not capitulate. I don't get too angry when pulls something like standing by her door waiting for me to open it. But this is too much. This is something serious. SHE needs to show compromise too.

If I can't read her mind and do things like proposals the way she's been envisioning them happening since she was at the age when I was still discovering that cats don't always land on their feet if you drop them off a picnic table, then the situation can't be fixed by telling me to try again like we are filming a movie...'take two, not enough feeling, make sure you bend your left knee a little further, ok I'll marry you now that you have conformed to my expectations'.

 

[Chef Medeski]

Bad Precedent?

This is the only time in her life she will ever be in that position. THis is every girl's dream. To be popped the question while her fiance is riding a horse or something. Its a ritual, but one this entire culture and almost all woman love. So I would just do it and stop being an ass. Just because she wants a nice proposal doesn't mean she will always be galvanizing ur ass for not being proper.

Have you ever had problem with this sort of thing before?

 

[SysteX]

Have you expressed some of these feelings to her? If you haven't, or you don't feel comfortable talking with her about your reservations, then I think you're heading for trouble.