Wives and the hobby
Apr 1, 2019 at 2:28 PM Post #16 of 35

barontan2418

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My wife loves expensive purses which are at least as stupid as 1000$ iems so we can keep a wacked out "balance" in that regard.
Use "Click and Collect" if you can, saves on comments like " not more tubes, you said you would not buy any more. Or get expensive items delivered to your work address. Just kidding (not)
 
Apr 1, 2019 at 10:30 PM Post #18 of 35

IkSak

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My advice. Happy wife happy life
Very wise words!!

My wife loves expensive purses which are at least as stupid as 1000$ iems so we can keep a wacked out "balance" in that regard.
That seems like a good idea, but my bride has no expensive tastes (something good in the end I think), all what she loves is shoes (reasonably priced ones) and buying phone cases from AliExpress :o2smile:
 
Apr 3, 2019 at 9:24 AM Post #21 of 35

megabigeye

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Congrats to both of you! How long have you and your fiancée been together? My wife and I were together for eight years before we finally married, so we both knew pretty well what we were getting into.

My little secret: I've never spent more than $150 on a pair of headphones-- my wife has bought me all my really good 'phones. She knows it's something I enjoy so she enjoys it for that reason. In fact, my HD 650 (the first headphone she bought me (as a repayment for a loan) long before we were married) are now "her" headphones that she uses while watching TV.

I'd agree with the others that openness and honesty are key. I'd also add flexibility-- it really doesn't matter how honest you are with each other if either or both of you are relentlessly stubborn.

Also, don't expect things to divvy themselves up neatly and evenly. Just because she spends $500 on shoes doesn't mean that you get to / have to spend $500 on head-fi gear, and vice versa. Relatedly, in my household my wife cooks, pays bills and does all planning, which seems totally unfair because I almost never do any of those things... but I do almost all of the cleaning, grocery shopping, and a bunch of other day-to-day stuff that she doesn't do, so in the end it all balances out. If you demand a one-to-one exchange, then it's just going to turn into now you owe me one, which can only end in resentment.

Marriage is great and I wish you both the best of luck, perseverance, and happiness!
 
Apr 3, 2019 at 9:49 AM Post #22 of 35

Redcarmoose

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It all depends on how much money you personally have. Still all your money is their money and their money is their money. So every situation is different. Every marriage is different. If you give your wife a boatload or money, then you explain she can have it if she doesn’t give you trouble about your spending or you will take her money back, that keeps them quiet. But there will always be a point when they want you to save if they are the saving type. View this as admirable as they are simply looking out for your good interest.

In the past though I’ve actually had to come up with some heart wrenching stories, after buying expensive gear. As many may know it’s easier to ask for forgiveness than permission. So you buy stuff and let them find out later. This goes way easer than you think. But it depends on if you have money or not. Some members who have bank basically tell their wife’s to jump in a lake, and they can because they have all the money. The time you see trouble is when two younger partners are struggling to get by and sharing resources. In that situation audio looks ridiculous to the woman. When in reality audio IS ridiculous to a point.
 
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Apr 3, 2019 at 10:20 AM Post #23 of 35

IkSak

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Congrats to both of you! How long have you and your fiancée been together? My wife and I were together for eight years before we finally married, so we both knew pretty well what we were getting into.

My little secret: I've never spent more than $150 on a pair of headphones-- my wife has bought me all my really good 'phones. She knows it's something I enjoy so she enjoys it for that reason. In fact, my HD 650 (the first headphone she bought me (as a repayment for a loan) long before we were married) are now "her" headphones that she uses while watching TV.

I'd agree with the others that openness and honesty are key. I'd also add flexibility-- it really doesn't matter how honest you are with each other if either or both of you are relentlessly stubborn.

Also, don't expect things to divvy themselves up neatly and evenly. Just because she spends $500 on shoes doesn't mean that you get to / have to spend $500 on head-fi gear, and vice versa. Relatedly, in my household my wife cooks, pays bills and does all planning, which seems totally unfair because I almost never do any of those things... but I do almost all of the cleaning, grocery shopping, and a bunch of other day-to-day stuff that she doesn't do, so in the end it all balances out. If you demand a one-to-one exchange, then it's just going to turn into now you owe me one, which can only end in resentment.

Marriage is great and I wish you both the best of luck, perseverance, and happiness!
More wise words! This topic is really getting great.

Your point about flexibility is amazing and really true. Although you're right about the 500-500 I do think that having a wife who has a strong marked preference for a type of goods does help, since this way she can put on your feet and understand better your passion for music and the hobby. For instance, my wife-to-be loves shoes and she has a really nice collection. Also, she has a weakness for cheap phone cases coming from AliExpress and in some way these contribute that she understands me better.
 
Apr 3, 2019 at 10:36 AM Post #24 of 35

bzippy

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I agree with so much of the above -- a lot of good advice imo. And congrats!

In summary of the above, and my experience:

Honesty - no hiding things.

Try to keep it reasonable. Sell older things to help finance upgrades. No one on a budget really needs more than, say, 4-5 sets of headphones, fewer maybe. And be aware of the law of diminishing returns, as often doubling/tripling the price will give very little, if any, practical benefit. This is the golden age of gear it seems, so do your research to find equipment that people say performs well above its price point (there is lot).

Be sure to leave room in the budget for equivalent extravagances on her end. I'm sure she has hobbies that cost money too.

Keep her involved. Like someone said above, save the bigger purchases for occasions that she can be included (birthdays, Xmas, anniversaries), which will imbue them with sentimental value as well. For my first anniversary my wife got me a gorgeous Fender Telecaster guitar, which I still treasure 11 years later. On my last birthday (2 weeks ago) I was given the green light to get a Schiit stack!
 
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Apr 3, 2019 at 10:41 AM Post #25 of 35

Redcarmoose

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E5A00E40-FA1D-4F61-ADE6-987E95672F7C.jpeg
 
Apr 3, 2019 at 10:43 AM Post #26 of 35

Redcarmoose

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Apr 3, 2019 at 10:46 AM Post #27 of 35

megabigeye

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More wise words! This topic is really getting great.

Your point about flexibility is amazing and really true. Although you're right about the 500-500 I do think that having a wife who has a strong marked preference for a type of goods does help, since this way she can put on your feet and understand better your passion for music and the hobby. For instance, my wife-to-be loves shoes and she has a really nice collection. Also, she has a weakness for cheap phone cases coming from AliExpress and in some way these contribute that she understands me better.
...And your predilection for head-fi helps you understand her shoe/phone case/watch habits, too. :wink: Also, I agree with your future-wife: cheap phone cases are great! I got a $5 MoFi case for my S9 and it is by far the best case I've ever had. I actually like it better than the phone!

You can also think about it as being mutually beneficial. My wife loves fashion and has a humongous wardrobe-- she gets to have all the pretty things she wants, and I get the benefit of having a wife that looks amazing all the time (okay, not all the time... she loves her sweats and pajamas, too). I get to have speakers and headphones, but she gets to listen to TV and music through them. Win-win.
 
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Apr 3, 2019 at 11:57 AM Post #30 of 35

Bern2

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That can only be the way to do it. Nothing good will come from sneaking about and hiding stuff. Ask yourself how you would feel if she did that to you?

I married in 1986..at the time we entered an agreement (I called it the Beatles agreement) that if we did not BOTH agree on a major purchase or decision...then it didn't happen. This went for the land we bought for our eventual house...the actual house itself (although I let her pick out the floor plan as I didn't really care that much...as long as it was within budget). If I wanted to buy something expensive...I would run it by her...and she usually would find something comparable to buy for herself son after. Hopefully the other person wouldn't say no out of spite.

One day in the early 2000's...while cleaning out the garage..I found her purse thrown next to the trash. She had spilled pop in it and it had seen better days. I looked thru it to make sure there were no credit cards/ anything of value before it went out. I found half a statement for Zales (jewelers)...didn't know what she had bought...didn't know what she owed. I asked her that if she had anything she'd like to tell me that she was keeping a secret...then was the time. "Like what" she said. Just told her that if she was hiding anything...come clean and we move on. Didn't tel her I found the bill. She then said she had an account at Zales and the statement was being sent to her sisters. She was paying 20 bucks a month to pay it off.

I detest interest of any sort..(unless I'm receiving some) so went to Zales to pay it off. 800 bucks. And then we moved on. I gave her credit for using the window of opportunity to come clean. Then told her how I had found out about it. (wasn't too happy with her sister being in on it).

Bern
 

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