[viator122]

What I do with my girlfriend is physically pick her up and place her on her feet. She just grumbles off to the bathroom.

 

[gloco]

Quote:

Originally Posted by chia-pet Is this some kind of innuendo? If so, I love it! Must try rocket... from... bazooka.

lol, funny thing is that I was thinking of that but somehow the word rocket and bazooka came out instead.

 

[gtp]

No offense, but why is it YOUR responsibility? If she stays up all night, and can't get herself out of bed in time for class, then she misses class. Very quickly she will learn some responsibility and go to sleep earlier and/or figure out a way to get herself up. A big part of college is learning personal responsibility. And, look, you are so stressed out about being responsible for her that you are posting on a headphone forum. Give the responsibility back. Don't be her mommy.

George
School of Hard Knocks and Tough Love

 

[chia-pet]

Quote:

Originally Posted by nabwong ok...have her for breakfast then.

She showers in the morning. Enough said.

 

[chia-pet]

Quote:

Originally Posted by gtp No offense, but why is it YOUR responsibility? If she stays up all night, and can't get herself out of bed in time for class, then she misses class. Very quickly she will learn some responsibility and go to sleep earlier and/or figure out a way to get herself up. A big part of college is learning personal responsibility. And, look, you are so stressed out about being responsible for her that you are posting on a headphone forum. Give the responsibility back. Don't be her mommy. George School of Hard Knocks and Tough Love

Actually I hold the same tough love position that you do, which is why I'm so blunt to all my friends. The thing is, I've already let her stay up all night and miss her classes, and watched with her as her grades suffer. She hates her grades, and is learning that lesson. But I'm not prepared to let her ruin her academic career just to teach her a lesson. She's the most responsible person I know, the president of a sorority, very organized and intelligent... she just has a hard time waking up in the morning.

 

[chia-pet]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jahn You have to give her something to look forward to getting up for, even if it's small. I've found myself going from comatose to perky with just a tiny random thought like "oh yeah, today I'm going to grab some all you can drink Coke over at Chipotle." it's the little things that keep ya going. also, find out what's so entertaining right before she goes to bed, and mention something about it in the morning like, 'hey, that CNN story you were looking at last night had a cool update, check it out when you wake up!' edit - btw, this is what i call the "saturday morning cartoon" approach. or the "Xmas morning" approach. even the laziest kid will bounce out of bed for cartoons and gifts, even at an ungodly hour.

This is a great idea jahn! I'm gonna try it tonight.

BTW, she didn't wake up this morning. She's snoozing away like a baby right now... What to do the next 6 hours...

EDIT: I tried the wet towel, she just stared at me with her wet face. Then she claimed she was awake, even though she wasn't. I then used the salad tongs, but that was completely uneffective. Maybe I wasn't using them right?

 

[Jasper994]

Try waking her up at the last minute so she doesn't get used to going back to sleep and using you as a snooze.

 

[chia-pet]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jasper994 Try waking her up at the last minute so she doesn't get used to going back to sleep and using you as a snooze.

I've tried waking her up at the last minute to give her a sense of urgency. I thought that would work because she tells me she has a hard time writing papers and doing school work until she gets a "sense of urgency." It does not work, I think because she feels no immediate repercussion from missing a class. I've tried to give her that sense of repercussion by pretending to be mad at her, and it makes her sad, but she sleeps it off lol...

I've tried waking her up an hour to 30 minutes in advance, to let her snooze it off. This doesn't work either.

 

[Jasper994]

Quote:

Originally Posted by chia-pet This is a great idea jahn! I'm gonna try it tonight. BTW, she didn't wake up this morning. She's snoozing away like a baby right now... What to do the next 6 hours... EDIT: I tried the wet towel, she just stared at me with her wet face. Then she claimed she was awake, even though she wasn't. I then used the salad tongs, but that was completely uneffective. Maybe I wasn't using them right?

Oh, damn, she's the type to sleep through whatever it is... That's much more difficult to deal with...

You really need to ask her ahead of time what she'd like you to do to wake her up. If you end up doing something she's not okay with, it could turn into a very big fight.

 

[Jasper994]

BTW, if she's the type to stay up until only a few hours before she has to be up then it might help if she tells herself several times before she goes to sleep that she's only taking a nap, and will not be getting a full nights rest. That way her mind knows that it can't go down for the count, and that it's only going to get a very limited amount of sleep. With this, she should plan very specific 90 minute cycles. She also needs to get a lot of sleep at least once or twice a week. If she's such a night owl, she should also consider taking afternoon and evening classes rather than day ones.

Then get her into a sleep routine that begins an hour or so before it's time to go to bed. For example: Sex, cuddle/chat... sleep. Or read for one hour exactly, then turn out the lights and close her eyes. If she does this combined with a certain time she goes to sleep every night, she'll have much more success.

 

[chia-pet]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jasper994 Oh, damn, she's the type to sleep through whatever it is... That's much more difficult to deal with... You really need to ask her ahead of time what she'd like you to do to wake her up. If you end up doing something she's not okay with, it could turn into a very big fight.

I've done this before too! She told me she loves to wake up to hugs and kisses, she wants to be feel loved. I've done this, but she just smiles and nods off. I resort to straight out asking her "It's your choice, do you want to go or do you want to sleep? I'll be okay with whatever you decide." And she'll always reply "I want to go..." but then fall asleep.

This situation is really funny, because when I was in high school my parents had to deal with waking me up! And I was just as bad as my gf. It was just a phase though, because in college I always woke up on time, and never missed class. Irony and kharma are just too funny.

 

[gtp]

Quote:

Originally Posted by chia-pet Actually I hold the same tough love position that you do, which is why I'm so blunt to all my friends. The thing is, I've already let her stay up all night and miss her classes, and watched with her as her grades suffer. She hates her grades, and is learning that lesson. But I'm not prepared to let her ruin her academic career just to teach her a lesson. She's the most responsible person I know, the president of a sorority, very organized and intelligent... she just has a hard time waking up in the morning.

I'm really not trying to harp on this thing, and I am really trying to be helpful rather than hurtful. Further, this will sound cold-hearted, but I am really a nice guy (I promise). Anyhow, I just don't get it:

Bad grades = missing class = not waking up = staying up all night.

What is so hard to understand? If she really cared about getting good grades, she wouldn't stay up all night and she would get up. Maybe you care more about her grades than she does?

And again, you are like an enabler to an alcoholic (to take an extreme example). If you are responsible for getting her up, you are allowing her to be irresponsible in the first place. She is transferring the responsiblity (and hence the fault) to you, when you did nothing wrong and are just trying to do the right thing.

Everyone needs to learn personal responsibility at some point. If one acts a certain way, he/she needs to be ready for and accept the consequences.

 

[chia-pet]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jasper994 BTW, if she's the type to stay up until only a few hours before she has to be up then it might help if she tells herself several times before she goes to sleep that she's only taking a nap. That way her mind knows that it can't go down for the count and that it's only going to get a very limited amount of sleep. She also needs to get a lot of sleep at least once or twice a week. If she's such a night owl, she should also consider taking afternoon and evening classes rather than day ones.

I'm not sure calling it a nap will help, because that's what she always calls it to me! "I'm just gonna take a little nap..." and an hour later she's gone. She is a bit of a night owl--we both are to be honest--and we both crash together on the weekends.

 

[chia-pet]

Quote:

Originally Posted by gtp I'm really not trying to harp on this thing, and I am really trying to be helpful rather than hurtful. Further, this will sound cold-hearted, but I am really a nice guy (I promise). Anyhow, I just don't get it: Bad grades = missing class = not waking up = staying up all night. What is so hard to understand? If she really cared about getting good grades, she wouldn't stay up all night and she would get up. Maybe you care more about her grades than she does? And again, you are like an enabler to an alcoholic (to take an extreme example). If you are responsible for getting her up, you are allowing her to be irresponsible in the first place. She is transferring the responsiblity (and hence the fault) to you, when you did nothing wrong and are just trying to do the right thing. Everyone needs to learn personal responsibility at some point. If one acts a certain way, he/she needs to be ready for and accept the consequences.

I half agree with you and I half don't. I don't think it's entirely her fault--maybe she's just wired different biologically and can't sleep. Maybe if she stayed up reading head-fi I would think differently, but she stays up reading text books for 6 hours. During the day she conducts meetings, plans events, tutors kids with me, etc. She's a responsible person. Now if she's got some sort of chemical imbalance causing her to have trouble sleeping, it's really out of her control now isn't it? I don't know that's the case, but I can't just turn the cold shoulder without knowing.

The responsibility isn't completely on me. If you ask my friends they'll all tell you that I'm great at helping people achieve their goals. I ask what a person wants, then I do everything I can to help them get it. This isn't the same thing as vicariously assuming responsibility for a person, it's just helping them. But in this case, you may be right... because I love her, so her troubles are mine also.

 

[sacd lover]

Quote:

Originally Posted by gtp No offense, but why is it YOUR responsibility? If she stays up all night, and can't get herself out of bed in time for class, then she misses class. Very quickly she will learn some responsibility and go to sleep earlier and/or figure out a way to get herself up. A big part of college is learning personal responsibility. And, look, you are so stressed out about being responsible for her that you are posting on a headphone forum. Give the responsibility back. Don't be her mommy. George School of Hard Knocks and Tough Love

My opinion exactly!