wink
His amps are made out of recycled beer cans
and his source from tomatos.
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A look into the future by going back to the future:-
Quote:
Quote:
Originally Postulated by Jason Stoddard /img/forum/go_quote.gif
2015, Chapter 20:
Changing The [REDACTED] Into an [EMBARGOED]
Okay, so let’s imagine for a moment that Schiit design briefs are conducted kinda like hiring a sketchy spaceship on a certain desert planet—as in, at a table in a seedy bar, with both the captain and the science officer keeping their cards as close to their probosci as possible.
Such a design brief might go something like this:
“I need an isotropic warp drive,” says the captain, casually, as if the science officer gave a neutered neutron, as if they don’t really need, well, like, an engineer—a damn good engineer—that the Federation actually churns out of Space Academy in copious quantities and differing species..
The science officer sighs. “What kinda engineer?” he answers, after a time, knowing that there are a thousand ways to give the captain what he needs.
“A good engineer, and cheap,” replies the captain.
“How many degrees, how many commendations, what species?” the science officer rattles off, crossing his arms.
“We're running an an Enterprise class spaceship , maybe a Scot, and small, distillery,” the captain says.
“That’s doable,” the science officer says, thinking, this is a cakewalk, I can get one off the unemployment queues, throw him into one of the big Teleportation cum replicator thingies with a wall-wart and I’m done in time for dinner.
“But I was thinking, well, you know, about something special, like a fully educated,septuple Ph.D polymorph engineer that can work out time travel ” adds the captain, not looking up from his single malt coke.
The science officer clears his throat and says nothing, thinking: Now you’re talking real engineer. Multi math discipline. Affine Heck algebra. Testing with plasma isotonic loads. Megatons of parts. Only an entity like Starfleet would be crazy enough to do something like that on an inexpensive
Enterprise class starcruiser
“Price?” the science officer asks, finally.
“Hundred and fifty, hundred and seventy, tops,” the captain says, looking like a Klingon. "Trillion credits, bars of rolled gold latinum?" asks the science officer. "No" replies the captain " Pint bottles of rotgut"
The science officer keeps his poker face, quickly calculating the cost of this complex discrete product with a gigagaton of parts. “Anything else? You want a Chronoclastic Infundibulum in there too? 5D Navigation system? Slow-cooker and microwave? Remote control, switch on front?”
“No, no,” the captain waves his hand, as if to cut through the science officer's rapid-fire onslaught of ideas. “Except…”
“Except what?” the science officer prompts.
“Except,I was also thinking, well, like, maybe a tube…” the captain trails off, smiling hopefully at the science officer.
“A tube?” the science officer asks, speaking very slowly, as if to a child. “As in, a vacuum tube? As in, you want this to be a vacuum tube battlecruiser?”
The captain grimaces."NO, no, no - I'm talking space tunnel, time vortex, interdimensional space portal".
The science officer, laughing uproariously, pulls out his communicator and blows a raspberry down the line.
The requisition clerk asks "whatcha want, NOW.?"
The science officer replies in a droll tone " We need a cheap engineer that will work for cheap whiskey, and a doctor to keep feeding the captain his valium and sleeping pills".
"Gotcha" the requisition clerk replies.
Next morning the Scottish engineer and sawbones show up and keep the captain amused while the first officer runs the Enterprise around the galaxy looking for new life forms.
The captain asks the engineer what he is going to call this allamagoosa that he's gonna build.
The engineer says "it's the [REDACTED]" due to starfleet having put the previous iterartion into mothballs.
A week later the captain asks the engineer "How long is this thing gonna take to finish?"
The engineer replies in an insulting Scottish brogue " Ya canna have it in less than six months, captain" .
"You've got six hours" replies the captain, playing with his tribble.
"You canna break the laws of physics" screams the distraught engineer, as he consults his slide rule.
Five hours later the engineer calls the captain and informs him that the device is installed into the starship, and ready for activation.
The captain transports down into the engineering lab and sees a large red button in the middle of a console.
"What's the button for?" asks the captain.
The engineer replies "It's the activator for the new time dilation transmogrifier and interdimensional transwarp portal"
The captain, suitably dosed up with valium ignores the science officer tied up in the corner and mumbling protestations through his designer gag, and decisively depresses the red button.
The starship is instantly enveloped in an electric blue glow and transports itself five minutes into the perpetual future.
So the result was that the starship Enterprise is now, due to the activation of the [REDACTED], and in spite of all the best efforts of all of the United Federation Of Planets. and multitudinous others,
[EMBARGOED]