[s_nyc]

So, I read this other thread "How to convince my wife" and was surprised by some of the comments there.

It seems as though a lot of people living with a significant other feel that the money they earned is theirs and only theirs (save for the portion funding common expenses) and they have every right to spend it how they want. Quite a few of my friends couples do the same.

My wife and I on the other hand have always considered that my/her money was not a valid concept. We do end up making joint decisions on common expenses, savings, purchase of expensive stuff, etc. pretty much everything actually! I am sometimes wondering how a couple can work over the long run with one taking financial decisions without consulting the other. Yet, a lot of modern couples work that way.

So, out of curiosity, I'd like to make some statistics. How do you guys manage money in your couple?

 

[Gamerphile]

Well commen sense prevails at our hut so its really shareing within reason - we talk about anything major but not everything is up for grabs...

 

[beerguy0]

We do a little of both. We each have our "discretionary" money in separate savings accounts. I use mine for my camera stuff, etc. She does the same. From time to time, depending on our finances, I sometimes get "house" money to supplement my savings, for larger purchases. (Like the new camera I'm eyeing in the next few months.)

Household bills, big purchases, etc. we decide jointly.

 

[Uncle Erik]

Everything is mine right now.

But in relationships, I prefer to keep things separate. If you're cohabiting, etc., then a joint account where money is deposited to pay common expenses is a good idea.

 

[billybob_jcv]

Over the years, the line that requires discussion has moved up as our income has increased. When we were first married and broke, we discussed almost everything. Now, anything less than ~$300 is pretty much fair game. We've never formally discussed this - it's just been a natural fall-out of two reasonably intelligent people understanding that money management is a shared responsibility. We absolutely discuss any discretionary or non-routine spends above the line. There's friendly banter if the other person notices a purchase near the line, but it's pretty much a "don't ask, don't tell" arrangement.

I know couples that have one partner who doesn't seem to accept this shared accountability, and that person would happily spend them into the poor house if the other person didn't control all the money. I can't imagine spending my life in a relationship like that!

 

[ka-boom]

Other. (your poll options are way too narrow)

We have a joint account, and we each have our own personal accounts. We each have the exact amount deposited automatically into our joint account on each pay day, and the rest belongs to each of us. With our personal accounts I can buy whatever I want and don't have to feel bad; lenses, shoes, headphones, rims, car parts, etc. She can buy whatever she wants; purses, shoes, necklaces, fancy make-up, dinner with her girlfriends, etc.

This way I dont get mad at her for spending $400 of "our" money on a purse, and she doesn't give me a hard time for spending $700 on a new lens. Also, our individual student loans come out of our personal accounts. I shouldn't be responsible for paying her loans, and she certainly isn't obligated to pay towards mine. Same with her credit cards - I'm not paying 1 cent to credit debt she racked up before she even met me, and fortunately I dont have any credit debt.

Ahh, the beauty of equality.

 

[s_nyc]

Quote:

Originally Posted by billybob_jcv /img/forum/go_quote.gif Over the years, the line that requires discussion has moved up as our income has increased. When we were first married and broke, we discussed almost everything. Now, anything less than ~$300 is pretty much fair game.

Interesting, our income has also increased over the past years but I feel like the minimum expense threshold under which we would not discuss each other's expenses has not really evolved! Old habits I guess!

Quote:

Originally Posted by billybob_jcv /img/forum/go_quote.gif I know couples that have one partner who doesn't seem to accept this shared accountability, and that person would happily spend them into the poor house if the other person didn't control all the money. I can't imagine spending my life in a relationship like that!

Did any of these couples last long?

 

[s_nyc]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ka-boom /img/forum/go_quote.gif Other. (your poll options are way too narrow) We have a joint account, and we each have our own personal accounts. We each have the exact amount deposited automatically into our joint account on each pay day, and the rest belongs to each of us. With our personal accounts I can buy whatever I want and don't have to feel bad; lenses, shoes, headphones, rims, car parts, etc. She can buy whatever she wants; purses, shoes, necklaces, fancy make-up, dinner with her girlfriends, etc.

Well, you've just described option #1!

 

[billybob_jcv]

Quote:

Originally Posted by s_nyc /img/forum/go_quote.gif Interesting, our income has also increased over the past years but I feel like the minimum expense threshold under which we would not discuss each other's expenses has not really evolved! Old habits I guess! Did any of these couples last long?

Well, one couple lasted 20 years, but recently divorced. Another is still going strong after almost 15 years. I have no answers...

 

[Gatto]

I put shared although I'm not yet married to my SO. We've discussed it and both of our families have always functioned that way so I couldn't see it any other way. My parents have one joint checking account, that being said my dad doesn't give my mom grief for buying stuff unless she's going overboard and my dad tends to only make big purchases for himself (computers, cameras, etc) so he usually talks it over with my mom first.

 

[Todd R]

We used to have a joint account.
I'd get all the bills paid, make sure there were no more expenses for the week and if there was money left over, I'd be happy that I could stick it in the savings account.

Almost every time I made a deposit, I ended up pulling it right back out a few days later.

"Oh, I forgot this bill, or the kids needed this, I didn't fill the car up yet, I saw this CD I wanted" etc....
(Those were comments from both of us, not just the Mrs.)

Since then we split the bills, and have separate checking accounts.
I actually have more money available to me now than ever before even with roughly the same income.

 

[ka-boom]

Quote:

Originally Posted by s_nyc /img/forum/go_quote.gif Well, you've just described option #1!

No, not entirely. We have our OWN money, and we have our "joint" money.

 

[s_nyc]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ka-boom /img/forum/go_quote.gif No, not entirely. We have our OWN money, and we have our "joint" money.

But that "joint" money is just for the common expenses, right?

Actually, this makes me think that while I am a firm believer of option #2, my wife and I have totally separate checking accounts. It is just that, as a rule, we consider any funds which are on these accounts as common...

Oh well, I was forgetting that all of our savings are on one of my wife's account. Which is fine by me since I really trust her.

This leads to another question: do you trust your SO when it comes to financial matters?

 

[nickyboyo]

The answer is easy, have children- then you're guaranteed to have no money left over at the end of the month to worry about.

 

[DLeeWebb]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Uncle Erik /img/forum/go_quote.gif But in relationships, I prefer to keep things separate. If you're cohabiting, etc., then a joint account where money is deposited to pay common expenses is a good idea.

This is the way that my wife and I organize our finances. All my friends say that they would never do it this way. It has worked great for us. I heard an interview with Suze Ormond just the other day and she recommends that a couple should organize their finances this way...