[Digitalbath3737]

I get tested for STDs at least every 6 months no matter what. This morning I get a call from my doctor telling that my results are in. My gf was there when I got the call. She asked me what the call was about, I told her the truth and she flipped out. We've been together for about a year, when we started going out we got tested together and both came up clean. So naturally she wanted to know why I felt the need to get tested. First she asked if I had been cheating and then she asked if I thought she was cheating. I answered a truthful no to both. My answer didn't make her feel any better.

I don't mess around with my health and if there is something wrong with me I want to know. I view getting tested the same way I view routine doctors visits. She views it differently. She feels like I don't trust her. Which isn't the case. Even though I would never think in a million years she'd cheat on me, the simple truth is that I have been wrong before. To me this is a realistic way of thinking.

So am I wrong? Is getting tested when your in a long term relationship rude and distrustful?

 

[Czilla9000]

Well....I don't consider myself qualified to really answer this question...but in general I think people would say it is unusual. I know I would find it odd if I were in a really strong LTR and found out my significant other was getting STD testing.

 

[braillediver]

"She feels like I don't trust her. Which isn't the case. Even though I would never think in a million years she'd cheat on me, the simple truth is that I have been wrong before."

Read the quote above- there's 2 conflicting statements in it:

“She feels like I don't trust her. Which isn't the case.”

Then you say:

“Even though I would never think in a million years she'd cheat on me, the simple truth is that I have been wrong before."

Those 2 statements are in conflict.

Seems to be 2 different issues here- Trust and STD’s

There’s only so many ways to catch STD’s and if you don’t partake in those behaviors then there’s no real way to catch STD’s.


Mitch

 

[swt61]

It is never...N E V E R... a bad idea to get tested for an STD! Trust is one thing, but betting your life is another entirely. If your SO doesn't understand you wanting to know that your body is A-OK, then he or she is being selfish, and certainly does not have your best interest at heart. Your SO should be as concerned as you are about being tested, and shouldn't rush to the conclusion that your interest in being tested is mistrust toward them.

 

[Digitalbath3737]

Quote:

Originally Posted by braillediver /img/forum/go_quote.gif "She feels like I don't trust her. Which isn't the case. Even though I would never think in a million years she'd cheat on me, the simple truth is that I have been wrong before." Read the quote above- there's 2 conflicting statements in it: “She feels like I don't trust her. Which isn't the case.” Then you say: “Even though I would never think in a million years she'd cheat on me, the simple truth is that I have been wrong before." Those 2 statements are in conflict. Seems to be 2 different issues here- Trust and STD’s There’s only so many ways to catch STD’s and if you don’t partake in those behaviors then there’s no real way to catch STD’s. Mitch

I think most people had an experience when someone they trusted betrayed them at one point. They never thought it could happen and then it did. It's reality and I try to view reality as it it. Something not predictable. So I always hope for the best and prepare for the worst. I take the same view in my relationships. Which is why even though I don't think she'd cheat on me, reality may turn out differently than I thought. So I get tested.

I've cheated on someone before and anyone who knows me well would tell you that I'd never cheat on anyone. Up until the moment it happened I would have swore I wasn't capable of doing it either. Which is why I tell her to get tested too. I don't think that I'd ever cheat on her, but I've been wrong about that before as well.

So I can see how what I say conflicts, but reality often conflicts with our plans.

 

[swt61]

Quote:

Originally Posted by braillediver /img/forum/go_quote.gif "She feels like I don't trust her. Which isn't the case. Even though I would never think in a million years she'd cheat on me, the simple truth is that I have been wrong before." Read the quote above- there's 2 conflicting statements in it: “She feels like I don't trust her. Which isn't the case.” Then you say: “Even though I would never think in a million years she'd cheat on me, the simple truth is that I have been wrong before." Those 2 statements are in conflict. Seems to be 2 different issues here- Trust and STD’s There’s only so many ways to catch STD’s and if you don’t partake in those behaviors then there’s no real way to catch STD’s. Mitch

Anyone willing to bet their life that they know their partner 100% is foolish IMHO. There is no way that being tested can harm your partner, and to even try to dissuade you from doing so is completely self centered.

You only need to watch one friend wither away and die a cruel and horrific death from AIDS to realize that blind faith is a ridiculous concept when it comes to your life. Everyone of us is capable of cheating on our spouse, and playing Russian roulette with your life to impart some sense of trust is too high a price IMHO. But lets not forget that sexual contact is not the only way to catch the virus. While today it is becoming rarer to contact the virus in other ways, it's still possible.

I believe it's obscene to advise anyone to take that kind of unnecessary risk.

 

[stevenkelby]

I agree you should get tetsed, and your realistic attitude is correct but some people, like your SO, can't handle the truth so it can be a good idea to not lie, but not be hurtful with the truth.

The truth is, you don't trust her, and rightfully so, as you know, you can never truly trust anyone, even yourself, but don't tell her that! No one wants to hear the blunt truth.

 

[no1likesme]

there is nothing wrong with getting regular tests.

 

[Aevum]

if you´re sexualy active, getting a STD test should be as regular has having your cholesterol or blood pressure checked, untill you marry atleast,

 

[mrarroyo]

Lets start with the assumption that you are not cheating and as you stated that both of you started by getting tested and both were clean.

The only reasons I see to get tested are:

1. You do not trust your GF.
2. You are nuts.
3. Your GF uses IV drugs and you do not
4. Your GF uses Non-IV drugs or is a heavy drinker which could lead her to have intercourse with an infected third party or participate in an orgy

Best of luck resolving this.

 

[Digitalbath3737]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aevum /img/forum/go_quote.gif if you´re sexualy active, getting a STD test should be as regular has having your cholesterol or blood pressure checked, untill you marry atleast,

I think even after you marry you should still get tested. I don't think a ceremony, big cake and certificate really makes to much of a difference. I think about 30% of married couples have cheated at least once. I agree with swt61 and stevenkelby. You should never trust anyone completely. It's putting your life at risk.

 

[braillediver]

Now that this is out in the open- Do you get the tests because you Don’t Trust Yourself?

Justify it anyway you want. Bottom line is You Don't Trust Her. And from what you’ve posted- she shouldn’t trust you.

I'm not judging you or anything but if you honestly read what you've written- You don't trust her. No big deal but you gotta be honest at least to yourself.


Mitch

 

[stevenkelby]

I think you and her trust each other as much as anyone "should" trust anyone else. I think you can trust yourself as much as anyone can. I think you just have the guts to admit and talk about these things, most people are ignorant, in denial, or turn a blind eye so as not to upset themselves or their partner. However, I think you should be very careful and tactful about these things.

 

[Seaside]

I thought, the fact you haven't told her about it made her mad. But I realized that is not that simple. I think I know why, but can not explain clearly enough, so I am editing this post, make it short.

 

[choomanchoo]

Quote:

Originally Posted by mrarroyo /img/forum/go_quote.gif Lets start with the assumption that you are not cheating and as you stated that both of you started by getting tested and both were clean. The only reasons I see to get tested are: 1. You do not trust your GF. 2. You are nuts. 3. Your GF uses IV drugs and you do not 4. Your GF uses Non-IV drugs or is a heavy drinker which could lead her to have intercourse with an infected third party or participate in an orgy Best of luck resolving this.

I like #4

Anyways, now a days it's not a bad idea, nor should it question your trustworthyness, in you partner.
Just because you never know.