[camille]

i have met someone about a month ago who is just unbelievable. she is from Japan to study for the next 9 months. i haven't felt like this about someone since a friend i know who lives in Korea. anyway, about 3 weeks ago, we had this great night with dinner, walking along downtown, bubble tea -- the works. we had such a wonderful time; we got along so well, i just wished that night never ended.

the day after, she tells me that she has a boyfriend (of 1 year) back in Japan; i was speechless, i had no speech. followed by apologies, she asks me if i was alright. although stricken, i told her i was fine. from that point we remain as friends. man, did i feel like hell the next day...

i confided to one of my cousins, and now a lot of my family members are telling me to get together w/ her (to "change her mind" so to speak). although I still have feelings for her, I seem to be the only one objecting to this. is this the right thing? i could be risking a friendship in the process, here. thanks.

 

[mr_baseball_08]

There are so many factors involved here that's impossible to say what is the right or wrong thing to do.

If she wasn't straight up honest with you before all this happened, I think it's a sign of things down the road. Even if you and her did end up together, what would stop her from going out with some guy down the road even if you and her have been dating for a year?? It's always best to look at the flip side of what could happen.

Personally, as hard as it may be, I'd let the situation go. Seeing how you two haven't done each other very long it shouldn't be that tough of a break. And if you try and continue being friends with her odds are you will continue to be attracted to her and you're just going to get hurt even more.

So I'd break away and go find a hot date and get your mind off things.

[size=xx-small](But that's just me...)[/size]

 

[Kwisatz]

Well I'm hardly a highly experienced person when it comes to relationships, but personally i'd respect her having a boyfriend. I mean you can still go out and have fun with her even as a friend. If over time she ends up over time liking your personality and wanting to be with you, then all the better. If not, well then so be it. There's no sense on risking a friendship by attempting to "force" a relationship with somebody that's made it clear that they already have a significant other.

But what would I know, I'm just going on my own ethics.

 

[camille]

^i agree w/ everything being said. i'm maintaining my stance on the situation so far. i wouldn't pressure her into making a decision. in fact i feel much better when i'm hanging out with her -- not awkward in the least. but honestly, yes, i dont expect anything to change in the coming months.

thanks.

 

[mr_baseball_08]

Just hang in there. You'll look back in a year or so and laugh..

 

[Aman]

I am probably risking my political correctness at this one, but:

You're a lesbian, right? After all, it does indicate in your sig that you're a girl. It would be pretty easy to stay friends with this person if you're a girl, no? Society is less willing to accept a guy and girl who are "just friends" and aren't dating. But two girls being friends? Nothing wrong with that...

 

[Kwisatz]

AFAIK, camille is a guy, but out of being mistaken for a female so many times based on his nick has jokingly put "Girl-Fi" into his sig.

Beyond that, who gives a crap about society?

 

[sisenor]

I've had girls be so friendly and flirtatious with me that I thought there was no way they were involved with someone to later find out they have a serious boyfriend. It really shows a big lack of couth because she obvioussly knew you were interested. It's one thing to lead someone on, but to lead someone on when they have a boyfriend is bs. It tells a bit about her maturity level; she's using you to feel good about herself because her boyfriend probably treats her like crap.

There are many fish in the sea.

 

[plainsong]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aman I am probably risking my political correctness at this one, but: You're a lesbian, right? After all, it does indicate in your sig that you're a girl. It would be pretty easy to stay friends with this person if you're a girl, no? Society is less willing to accept a guy and girl who are "just friends" and aren't dating. But two girls being friends? Nothing wrong with that...

Oh ***, people can be friends ya know. I mean, maybe not with you, but it is possible for a guy and a girl to be friends. It's not "society" that looks down on it. If there's a hang-up, it's your own.

As for the rest, it really doesn't matter.

As for the OP, there's no right or wrong path here. If she wasn't straight up about the relationship to start with, that tells me that she'd rather forget about it when with you. Past that you can't judge her yet one way or the other. We're not talking marriage here, and she was honest.

Instead of wondering what your next hand should be, why not just ask her? Ask her why she waited to tell you, let her know the mixed signal that gives. What isn't said will tell you as much as what is said.