[Tuberoller]

Todd,

You are the man and your expertise is widely known to be vast and abundant. I have many questions but wish to only burden you with those few worthy of your great knowledge and understanding.

How do you clean organic matter,specifically hardened,green,crusty boogers from the surface of a record? I'm afraid that using liquid cleaners will simply re-hydrate the dried booger,causing it to streak across the record surface,which will force me to dispose of this record due to my great disgust with boogers. I don't want to use my record cleaning machine because I don't want booger matter on my cleaning tubes. I also don't want to hand scrub this very large booger. This booger is the largest I've ever seen,stretching across three tracks on side one and bulging the record sleeve when placed in the jacket. I hope the picture this booger paints in your mind is not harmful to you or your family. I suffer from flemephobia and I hate to burden you with my mental shortcomings but I am perplexed.

Is there a special stylus that might play boogers? Will playing boogers throw off my table's adjustments? Should I just scrape the booger off with my fingernail, risking getting boogers underneath my nails and scratching the record? How do boogers specifically effect dynamics and low-level detail? I'm so nervous here Todd,I don't want to blow my speakers or damage my stylus when the booger comes by on the record at the blazing speed of 33 1/3 rpms.

I really love Sing Along with Big Bird and really want to save this precious recording to pass along to my kids as my father recently passed it on to me,with my own juvenile boogers on it. Please help me Todd. I will patiently await your wisdom.

 

[TimSchirmer]

That is disgusting i'm terribly offended.

Won't SOMEBODY PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN!

 

[Born2bwire]

You know, if I had posted this, it would have been moved into the Certifiably Inane section. Especially if I had said a more abreviated version as follows:

Quote:

How do you clean organic matter,specifically hardened,green,crusty boogers from the surface of a record? I also don't want to hand scrub this very large booger. This booger is the largest I've ever seen, stretching across three tracks on side one and bulging the record sleeve when placed in the jacket. Should I just scrape the booger off with my fingernail, risking getting boogers underneath my nails and scratching the record? I really love Sing Along with Big Bird.

 

[gpalmer]

Well Tubey, if it IS your booger you should jump right in there and lick it off. As I understand it, the booger contains genetic material from an earlier stage in your life so by ingesting it you will be reinvigorated with youth and vitality, and possibly even a trace of sanity!

 

[SteeleBlayde]

Flemephobia?!

First of all, its PHLEGM.
Secondly, phlegm has little to do with boogers. Boogers are really hardened snot after all and I do not know the scientific term for snot.


Hope that helped to clear things up.

 

[Large4mat]

OK, I can handle Fred's obsession with listening to the Stealth and R10s naked. And I really don't have a problem with him seeking advice on how to remove a booger from his favorite album. But what I can't stand is that he thinks we're so simple that we can't read through the fact that he is trying to relive his childhood by restoring "Sing Along with Big Bird" to its former glory. Tuberoller could you please do another review on the Stealth and include your comments on it's ability to reproduce your favorite cuts on "Sing Along with Big Bird"?

P.S. For the sake of the Head-Fi community, could you please leave any comments about the price of the Stealth out of the review.

 

[Todd]

Well my good buddy Tubey, here is what I would do. There are always one or two kids in a group of them that will pick it off the album and then dispose of it too! Seen em do it with their noses. Their nails are softer than us adults so there won't be any scratches and they eat bugs, dirt and put much more gross things in their mouths so they shouldn't get too sick. Just don't watch!!!

If the album is really worth a lot then let the poor sucker who bought it deal with it. Tell him you won't charge him extra for the booger - its free to him just like it was to you.

You could always break out the old BSR or BIC turntable and let it plow the booger away. It will probably sound better with the booger on the record on the BSR or BIC but then when it is chipped away just hose it down at the car wash (do not wax!!!) and make sure it ALL goes down the drain (would want anyone slipping and hurting themselves) dry with a chamme (spelling???) and return it to your turntable for play. Please don't bring it to my house or send it to me as a gift. You keep it for yourself, you deserve it, after spending all that time cleaning it.

I hope this helps. I have only had a few cases of this and fortunately they were on , you guessed it, a Barbra Steisand album so I just tossed them in the trash. Was going there anyway, booger or not!

Todd

 

[Todd]

Just tried another idea... put the record in your freezer and chill it way down (or outside if you live here - right now it is 7 below zero!) and then take it outside and slightly flex the record. Watch that booger fly. If you don't like someone just call them over when you flex it and you can shoot them with a frozen booger. Once this is done, just take the record back in, warm and play.
Be sure not to flex the record excessively or it will become a two piecer and you'll have to melt the edges and put it back together. That can get messy!
As for the Big Bird album , grow up, and listen to some adult stuff like the Partridge Family or my favorite, Bert and Ernie doin Rubber Duckie.

Todd

 

[JMT]

Where the hell is the moderator of this forum anyway?

 

[Born2bwire]

Quote:

Originally posted by JMT Where the hell is the moderator of this forum anyway?

Todd is unmoderatable.

My suggestion is coat the afflicted area with peanut butter and get the family dog to lick off the peanut butter and booger. Very effective for cleaning dirty dishes too!

 

[Old Pa]

Step No. 1: Avoid getting boogers on your rare, expensive vinyl. Do not blow your nose on your LPs. Avoid putting your vinyl downrange from your nose when you have just handed a funny friend a straight line. When feeling a sneeze coming on, do not confuse an LP with a Kleenex and snatch for it like a drowning man. If you do these things, you can avoid Step No. 2.

Step No. 2: You have gotten a booger on your rare expensive vinyl. Get over it. Be happy you did not defecate on your LP. You're going to have to fully hydrate that honker to get it off, so get your mind right.

Step No. 3: Hydrate and remove the green and now gooey honker from vinyl.

Step No. 4: Forget about it. Forget which record you had the booger on, forget how it vanished into your VPI. Forget all about it. It's time to move on. Just don't do it again.

 

[Ebonyks]

Fred, i gotta ask...

What are you on, and where can i get some?

 

[Todd]

Old Pa, now I see why you are old pa - wise, very wise. Avoid the mess and you won't have to ask stupid questions like Fred did!

JMT, I'm supposed to moderate and as soon as I figure out how to I will. At least I think I will...

Born2bwire, You are probably right , unmoderatable I am

Todd

 

[Tuberoller]

As I stand here examining this connection to my youth,I am now faced with the fact that I may not be able to save this record. I have saved hundreds of thousands of records from certain destruction over the years,yet in this time of great need,I am unable to save one so dear to my heart. I have decided that I will preserve this record, at the request of my father,with the booger (which did indeed originate from my own nose at the age of 3 years)intact. This record will never be tracked by the stylus of another turntable again but it shall remain as testament to my childhood abilty to render priceless objects completely worthless with a single booger.

 

[gpalmer]

Quote:

Originally posted by Tuberoller This record will never be tracked by the stylus of another turntable again but it shall remain as testament to my childhood abilty to render priceless objects completely worthless with a single booger.

God what a man! Your sensitivity and concern for future generations should earn you Time's "Man of the Year" award if not the more appropriate Nobel Prize you truly deserve!