Greetings from down here to my peeps in the Noble thread
Oct 20, 2016 at 4:27 PM Post #1,516 of 1,565
A CAR ACCIDENT

Up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot. The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now you probably won't remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the freeway. You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything, however, your penis was severed in the accident and we couldn't find it."

The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You have $9000 in insurance compensation coming and we now have the technology to build a new penis. They work great but they don't come cheap. It's roughly $1000 an inch."

The man perks up.

"So," the doctor says, "You must decide how many inches you want. But I understand that you have been married for over thirty years and this is something you should discuss with your wife. It's very important that she plays a role in helping you make a decision."

The man agrees to talk it over with his wife.

The doctor comes back the next day, "So, have you spoken with your wife?"

"Yes I have," says the man.

"And has she helped you make a decision?"

"Yes" says the man.

"What is your decision?" asks the doctor

"We're getting granite counter tops."
 
Oct 25, 2016 at 10:29 PM Post #1,517 of 1,565
Life After Death

 

"Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees.

"No, sir," the clerk replied.

"Interesting." the boss said. "You see, I never did either but yesterday, after you left early to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you."

 
Oct 25, 2016 at 10:33 PM Post #1,518 of 1,565
  Life After Death

 

"Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees.

"No, sir," the clerk replied.

"Interesting." the boss said. "You see, I never did either but yesterday, after you left early to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you."

 
Props for trying to keep this thread going, it kinda got dead so I kinda gave up, but good to see you anyhow.
 
Oct 27, 2016 at 1:07 PM Post #1,525 of 1,565
Stiff Upper Lip

 

 

In a train from London to Manchester, an American was berating the Englishman who was sitting across from him in the compartment.

 


" The trouble with you English is that you are too damn stuffy, you set yourselves apart too much.  You

think your 'stiff upper lip' makes you better than the rest of us!  Look at me ... I'm me! I have a little Italian

in me, a bit of Greek blood, a little Irish and some Spanish blood. What do you say to that?”.



 


The English gentleman lowered his newspaper, looked over his glasses and replied, "How very sporting

of your mother!"






















 
Oct 29, 2016 at 10:30 AM Post #1,526 of 1,565
  Fine.
 
Two blondes fell down a hole. One said, "It's dark in here isn't it?" The other replied, "I don't know; I can't see."

 
I missed this stuff! 
biggrin.gif

 
A classic blonde moment..

 
Nov 2, 2016 at 10:47 AM Post #1,528 of 1,565
A blonde walked into a hairdresser's with a pair of headphones on and asked the hairdresser for a haircut - but "don't touch the headphones o.k.?" "Fine" said the hairdresser - a little taken aback - but happy for the work. Three weeks later, the same blonde returned and asked for another haircut but with the same condition, "Whatever you do ... don't touch the headphones" "No problem" said the hairdresser who went on to give her another good cut, considering the restraint. Three weeks later, the same thing happened "and don't forget - don't touch the headphones" said the blonde. Well, just as the hairdresser was finished, she noticed the blonde had fallen asleep, and she couldn't resist and gently removed her headphones. The blonde soon fell stone dead on the floor of the shop. "Oh my God - I think I've killed her" screamed the hairdresser. She picked up the headphones and put them on herself. She heard a voice through the phones... "breathe in...breathe out... breathe in...breathe out."
 
Nov 2, 2016 at 10:34 PM Post #1,530 of 1,565
Best (or worst?) Halloween pic from this year...
 

 

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